Lindspiration: Inspire it Forward

Love as Cause

2012-01-20T07:33:00.008-05:00

"It's the cause that gives the tidal wave. You don't wait. Do not wait until you're healed. Stay in the place of depth. Keep listening. Find what touches you deeply. Deeply. Don't negate the love." -Louise

Bill W did not wait until he was a 'cured' alcoholic or with 10,000 members of AA to write the Big Book. The first 100 were the ones who came together, pooled their wisdom and ended up producing a book of instructions and personal narratives which effectively changed the entire course of addiction treatment throughout the world.

If you're waiting for something, stop. You're already in a position to do what you need to do, with all prior experiences being exactly what you needed to experience as your perfect preparation for today's cause of choice.

I'm told.

The most important thing I can do today is love myself. The second most important thing I can do is love others to the best of my ability. For today, that is my cause. Loving.

And, once love is the cause, it causes a ripple, a wave, a flow, an expansion, a connect-the-dots illustration of goodness. It elevates, excites and builds.

How I practice self love today is for one thing, by going where the love is and focusing on those people who truly love and appreciate me for who I am. It's by eating very nourishing foods. Moving my body in class. Treating others with kindness and respect, even those I don't understand, especially those I don't feel aligned with today. I soften the thinking in my head so I'm not beating myself for anything, ever. I dress in a way that is comfortable for my body, head-to-toe. I cultivate gratitude for my present circumstances so I feel how abundant my life is today.

"I don't go to the hardware store for oranges." (Actually, I go to Whole Foods for my oranges, which are organic, and a great winter fruit.)

If I do the above, I will likely FEEL and BEHAVE in a way that supports my health, my well being, my life in flow. If I don't, I will feel tired, crabby, depleted and alone. That doesn't mean I'm any less of a person if I don't show up for myself in a truly self-loving way, it just means I'm not fully exercising my power of choice.

#inspireitforward

Love,
Lindsay

Declaring Victimhood Dead

2012-01-13T09:21:00.003-05:00

I wrote this in ten minutes at 8:30AM today, so there are more than a few typos. One things to note is the quote listed below who I wanted to clear permission to credit is from my intenSati mentor Patricia Moreno (www.satilife.com) who continues to lead so many people in a successful conversion from victim to warrior. ~LBD

Morning, sunshines! I'm consistently engaged in the cultural conversation that centers around the meaning of empowerment and more specifically, what it means to play the victim and how to STOP.

My mentors call me out on it, the people I most admire don't do it (or catch themselves and choose another way), I have inspiring family members who've successfully changed the v in victim to Victory, my Jewish brethren are defined by "They wanted us dead, we survived, let's eat" and I have progressed significantly in this arena.

But, alas, there is still some drippy victmy thinking I hold onto. Everything from feeling sorry for myself for time wasted, believing it's too late to have certain things I want career wise, pitying myself for hair issues that concern an area of thinning that 99% of the people I speak to don't notice but I do so it must be fodder for my victim writer, you get the picture.

By becoming aware at first I was so disturbed and frustrated because I didn't get why I was STILL holding onto such stories. As people ask me to ask myself, "What's the payoff?" The obvious payoff of playing the victim in your own life is you don't have to put yourself on the line and risk failure. By making excuses you can always explain away why something didn't happen. Or, maybe you just get the 'benefit' of being taken care of by people who like to take care of victims. They can be very nice.

I was just advised (and once I get clearance to say who advised me I will give credit where credit is due, but for now, she'll remain anonymous) to, "Love her but break the spell she puts on you!" This refers to what I call the Victim Player. Love her. I think I did love her yesterday when I cried like a baby in midtown after a long day and before rehearsal. Listening to the chorus of victim thoughts the VP gives before going to a real chorus rehearsal of beautiful singers praising love, light, God and peace was quite a transition. I promise you I felt much better after rehearsal.

It wasn't about becoming the most empowered woman in the world but releasing the grip of the Victim Player, which lead to none other than a peaceful calm state of being and feelings of gratitude. So, I would say that's probably a good sing you know you're letting go.

NIKE says Just Do It but heroes in their own lives say Just Don't Do It. Really. Take any victim story you're writing and put the pen down. Walk away from the page. Thank it for serving whatever purpose it did. Then, pick up the new pen and rewrite something new that, if you showed it to someone, would not garner an "Awww, I'm sorry, honey. That must be really hard" response. Save those for the BIG things and I'm sure there are a few, not the little ones, if you know what I mean.

For a while, it will probably feel uncomfortable, scary and new. Maybe even lonely. You might doubt you have the strength to declare victimhood dead. You may have to do it over and over and over again to keep your commitment. BUT, I believe fully it will bring about a wonderful change in your life as it has in mine (when I've applied it, which I have many times, YAY) and the other amazing people I know who declare victimhood dead.

I Love Joni Mitchell

2012-01-11T07:44:00.003-05:00

Joni Mitchell is one of the greatest singer/songwriters alive and whenever I listen to her music, I am instantly transported to whatever world she is painting in her lyrics and melodies. She speaks from a place of such searing honesty that even if the subject is painful, I'm comforted. I'm excited about a new book coming out in 2013, tentatively titled "Blazes All Across The Sky: Writers Respond to the Poetry of Joni Mitchell", by Three O’Clock Press of Toronto. Joni considers herself "a painter first, and a musician second" which is proof positive artists who find ways of expressing themselves in multiple forms don't necessarily need to be considered spreading themselves too thin.

Enjoy!

I woke up it was a Chelsea morning and the first thing that I saw
was a sun through yellow curtains and a rainbow on my wall
blue red green and gold to welcome you -JM

Healthy Escapes

2012-01-07T12:15:00.003-05:00

Good afternoon and greetings from (sunny and warm!) Philadelphia --

Here working on a travel story for BBC.com and having such a great time already since arriving last night. I went out to about 6 different music venues and after getting a dose and taste of the scene, I slept like a rock in a quiet hotel room. (I had been up since 5:30am for an early morning intenSati class, so it was a long day.)

I wanted to blog quickly on how grateful for I am for my commitment to health and supportive community of healthy friends, so I can encourage you (if you need any encouragement or further validation) to do the same. When chatting with people about this blog what I realize is I want to just add to the chorus of uplifting voices that give people a little added health and wellness mojo. It's also about a space for feelings and expression to be OK, which is a lesson I feel like I wish I knew earlier and like to pass along as often as possible.

Doing both helps you and it helps me keep MY commitments, so I would say it's a good, positive relationship.

Last night I ran into many a drunk, high and chain smoking kid and I say this with zero judgment, just awareness, that I am happy I am able to go out and hear live music without having to play like that. I drank diet cokes and water, munched on my apple, and got home at an hour that is far from witching but perfect for me. I tend to feel sad when I see people so drunk they could barely stand (of course I see this in NYC as well when I go out which really isn't that often these days since I prefer early rising) and some people can enjoy/get away that sort of thing without major disruption to their lives. For those who can't, well, they'll come to that awareness eventually and hopefully before anything detrimental.

It's a gorgeous day and when I was sitting this morning in Rittenhouse Square, drinking coffee, people watching and writing, I felt the same degree of gratitude I would feel if on my honeymoon in Paris. It was beautiful and I don't know how that is but sometimes there is just this zone I get into that is pure gratitude and love. Sometimes it happens at home but ALWAYS it happens when I am removed from the city (Vermont at Good Commons, Shelter Island, Tuscany/Rome, now Philly), which says something but I'm not sure what yet.

All I know is traveling and "getting away", even if it's just a few hours away from NYC to the City of Brotherly Love, gives me this peaceful sense that I am free. I just loooove feeling FREE.

Stress zones are like mine fields, potential emotional explosions usually rooted in some kind of discontent or frustration, best carefully avoided and in the long run, completely cleared. Escapes from these zones are wonderful and seeing new places with fresh eyes, explorer eyes, child eyes, and grateful eyes with the kind of curiosity that brings answers, knowledge and new experiences is so incredibly refreshing.

So, wherever you are, from Philly to Paris, London to Ibiza (yes, J Lo, you are with me even today), give yourself a little healthy escape. #inspireitforward

Best,
LBD

Goals or No Goals

2012-01-06T11:21:00.007-05:00

Good day, readers!

I've shared on this blog about my experience as a soccer player but for those who don't know, I played my whole life, including two seasons of D1A Varsity at Cornell. I quit only after 3 surgeries on my ankle from soccer injuries including a fibula fracture, staph infection and torn ligaments that were reconstructed in July 2010.

While you can take the girl out of soccer, you can't take the soccer out of the girl nor can you remove the main principle, which is to see a GOAL and score. Seeing soccer balls in the back of the net makes me happy. Scoring goals feels like as much a part of my DNA as a sensitive stomach (restraint of pen and tongue here, so badly do I want to give the details on that) which is why I was struck when I came across advice in one of my favorite newsletter/blogs, ZEN HABITS, telling me to give them up.

The post is called HOW TO HAVE THE BEST YEAR OF YOUR LIFE WITHOUT SETTING A SINGLE GOAL and it's actually a guest post by Jeff Goins. But I remember this wasn't the first time hearing the concept from ZEN HABITS, so I searched and found the post THE BEST GOAL IS NO GOAL which is from July 2010 (exactly date 10 days after my surgery, actually) and by Leo Barbuta himself. Leo credits huge leaps and successes in his life, from professional to personal. Instead of goals he embraces habits, instead of plans he embraces passion and instead of fixed destinations he encourages, well, having an open mind:

And there’s the rub: you have to open your mind to going places you never expected to go. If you live without goals, you’ll explore new territory. You’ll learn some unexpected things. You’ll end up in surprising places. That’s the beauty of this philosophy, but it’s also a difficult transition. ~Leo Barbuta

When I think about 2011, most if not all of the coolest things that happened to me professionally, including my short play SUSPENDED getting into two festivals (both of which I acted in), joining a cool theater company, performing in 6 plays, doing an on-air entertainment report for BBC America, teaching various fitness classes for BeFit NYC, healing my ankle, witnessing the beautiful growth of Central Park intenSati, writing music and travel stories for BBCA.com and BBC.com/Travel, all happened without a plan AT ALL. What I set out to do in early 2011 was get healthy, powerful, strong, abudant, more creative, and happier. I wanted to see growth the many areas of life, which I did, without saying exactly what I wanted to do or how.

So, to some extent I've released a goal setting mentality, even though I definitely keep these milestones in the back of my mind as some markers or measurements of my dreams coming true.

I don't have any answers and will not tell you what to do. What I will say is that if you DO want to work from a goal setting mentality, that's great, but don't forget to do what so many people suggest, which is, to enjoy the journey. Metaphor Alert -- every pass, dribble, tackle, loss of the ball, header, throw in, and shot on goal is meaningful. It's not just about scoring. And it's certainly not just about the win.

And if you don't want to do goals, I can say what's worked for me is just matching the FEELING of something really good -- LOVE, JOY, PEACE, CREATIVITY, HAPPINESS, ABUNDANCE, GRATITUDE -- and then asking the Universe to lead me to those opportunities, people, places and things that bring those same feelings to my being. It's like asking to be lead by way of the feeling you want to evoke by choosing to feel those feelings first. Coaches and the like call this law of attraction by way of cultivating good vibrations.

With all the joy, pain, turbulence, inspiration, thoughts, feelings, relationships, experiences and challenges, life is just a day at a time venture, so whether you're going for the goals or taking a knod from Zen, just embrace the way you find your way.

#inspireitforward

Best, L

Join the Ranks of the Encouraging

2012-01-04T08:13:00.003-05:00

Morning. Frozen out here in NYC, omg. I just took intenSati at Equinox Fitness and it warmed me up body, mind and spirit. Definitely a great start to the day.

It's really easy to get discouraged on the topic of weight.

Easy, because it's familiar.

Discouraged, because of how ingrained the habit is to find comfort in food, stress relief in food, pleasure in food, energy in food, joy in food and play out some of my self sabotaging vis a vis overeating. It's been a long time and releasing it all is a day at a time journey, some days more challenging than others.

There is also the truth that bodies differ and some settle at a certain weight. It may be a little higher than the thin ideal and that can be challenging to accept.

What does it takes to be loving to yourself with respect to body image? What does it take to join the ranks of the encouraging?

For one thing, recognize that hating on your fat is completely learned and can, therefore, be unlearned. I'm not saying you need to sit and accept it without looking to lose weight. If you're overweight and healthier eating habits are a goal of yours, great, but at least in the meantime you could act as if you see no reason to judge, shame, hate on or over-scrutinize your body.

What I'm finding incredibly useful at this point is to just focus on other things -- helping others, new ideas, creative projects, etc. -- and think less about my body.

"We are visitors on this planet. We are here for ninety or one hundred years at the very most. During that period, we must try to do something good, something useful, with our lives. If you contribute to other people's happiness, you will find the true goal, the true meaning of life." H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

Personally, I am very motivated to work out but less motivated to change the way I eat. The former comes much more easily to me (witnessed - I walked to a 6:30 am aerobics class in 13 degree weather) and the latter takes work. It takes attention. A willingness to be uncomfortable. Ask for help. Surrender my will. Feel fear. Accept that I will not be perfect but I'm making progress. All that good stuff...

All this to say, join the ranks of the encouraging. Don't try to make changes alone and be willing to arrive at your desired outcome.
Do it gently, do it patiently, do it lovingly, but do do it. :)

Best,
Lindsay

Resume an Old, Healthy Habit

2012-01-02T08:04:00.006-05:00

Good morning!

There is coffee by "Chat n Brew" in my mug right now that tastes like "Tar n Cigarettes". Nasty. I'm meant for better things today, so I'm not going to start off my morning with that agreement...

What I did start off with on this January 2, 2012 morning is 5 minutes of meditation, which involved sitting still on a folded up quilt, Indian style, and breathing deeply. Then, I read excerpts from two Hazelden books, A TIME TO BE FREE and
EACH DAY A NEW BEGINNING.

The first book was a gift from my uncle 15 years ago. The second, a gift from a friend about 2 years ago. They've been collecting dust.

This practice of meditating and reading a positive piece of writing at the start of the day is one I used to do but stopped because I didn't have enough time.

For the purpose of this short post, italics represent excuses. Who can't find 5 minutes in the morning to put a healthy buffer in between teeth brushing and breakfast?

What healthy habit or practice can you dust off, pull out of the archives and resume today?

For the purpose of this short post, bold font represents an inspired action. If you don't have one in your archives, start with the 5 minutes of meditation. I'll even give you the two take-aways from my Hazelden books as a prompt:

ATTBF: I can continue to be ruled by the voices of the past -- or, I can work toward changing my perceptions and actions today.

EDANB: Creativity is a given. It is another dimension of the spiritual presence guiding us all. I'll get out of its way today.

I'm off to Grey Dog. GOOD coffee awaits!

#inspireitforward

:)

Best,
Lindsay

NYD 2012

2012-01-01T12:03:00.005-05:00

Holy shit it's 2012. Already!

Time is ticking.

REALLY, really, ticking.

Get the priorities in order.

Cut the crap.

Release the extra weight.

Abandon "energetic anchors."

"There is nothing that burning desire plus positive belief can't make real."

Reframed --

Things become real through wanting and feeling and believing

you deserve it.

LOVE!

JOY!

PEACE!

HAPPINESS!

PASSIONATE LIVING!

every day!

for all 365!

(Ok, maybe not EVERY day. But many days. MANY days!)

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

#inspireitforward

:)

NYE 2011

2011-12-31T09:52:00.008-05:00

Good morning,

I couldn't make it through reading more than half of my 2011 blog posts before wanting to change the channel, which today meant checking my Facebook page.

I did that for a moment, equally unriveted.

It's not about having all you want.

My happiness seems inversely proportional to how much I bullshit myself. To the extent I can look into my own eyes and know I am not lying, faking or pleasing, I am happy. I feel peaceful. No matter what I see or hear when my authentic voice gives a 'shout out' to my soul, I feel relief.

The reason we imitate, chase, conform, rebel, force, water down, jazz it up or hide out is because we FEAR our original self just won't cut it in this massive, stimulating, diverse and (oft perceived) competitive world.

Start with hating it all, if that's how you feel. Let it rip --

Great, I DID all of this, I DO all of that, I TRIED endlessly or I SAT on my ass too much, I THOUGHT I wanted this, I REALLY WANT that, I GAVE too much or perhaps TOO LITTLE and jeez, this can't be IT. I DON'T WANT this to be it. If this is it, I AM MISSING something. I am missing the GOLD. I am missing the REASON. I am MISSING THE WONDER.

2011 taught me unless I am authentic, I can't feel the wonder. Unless I am truthful, life takes on the feeling of a scattered picture.

Dress up in your 2011 accomplishments like a sequined New Year's Eve party dress or tux (I do have a few male readers). It's all just energy and co-creations. Call them up, put them on, feel glittery or dapper, do a twirl and then take the costume off.

I am grateful for those who say things which resonate in the depths of my being at a frequency I can't even detect.

I try to mute the noise, which is all the rest.

What happens in stillness stays in stillness.

This space inside which I am not a daughter, sister, assistant, friend, teacher, lover, leader, fool, patient, fellow, striver, seeker, recipient or giver.

This space inside which I am nothing, yet feel the wonder and gift of being alive. One can be a deeply, grateful person but not let gratitude encourage complacency.

If you want to escape, escape.

If you want to run, run.

If you want to pause, pause.

If you want to cry, cry.

If you want to hold on, hold on.

Then, when you're done, put your hand over your heart.

10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 --

Happy New Year.

Kisses.

Hugs.

You're still here.

Love and deep gratitude,
Lindsay

Say Thank You to WHO Inspires YOU

2011-12-29T12:30:00.005-05:00

Ok, I think I found an answer to my ambivalence re: blogging on Lindspiration. Sprinkle a few Vlog's in for fun. Enjoy and please drop me a comment if you want to share WHO inspires YOU. Love and joy, L

Another Hiatus?

2011-12-27T07:32:00.004-05:00

Good morning, good morning --

I made this little Vlog last night:

At this time last year I decided to go on Lindspiration hiatus for 3 months. It lasted about 5 weeks, so let's see what happens this time around...

I am definitely going to post one or two more times before 12/31/11.

Really hope you are well and enjoying the Holidays!

Best,
Lindsay

Taking Down Time

2011-12-23T06:56:00.004-05:00

I woke up in a sweat today afraid I overslept. It was only 6:30AM and for most, there aren't too many things that can be missed if you're waking up at 6:30AM but the one that's my usual is an Equinox intenSati workout with Natalia Petrzela. Only today, there is no class. I'm not even working. My office is closed. I could go back to sleep. I could rest.

I started watching the new HBO series "Enlightenment" and while I can't say it's a revelation, I do like it a lot and am about to wrap up the last 3 episodes of Season 1 (there are 10 total). One of the Eps dealt thematically with time and the lead character Amy Jellicoe's understanding that Yes, there is plenty of it and No, it isn't too late for her to have a life she loves, find peace, and if not become enlightened, at the very least get her shit back together. It's hopeful.

Time, see what it's become of me.
When I look around at my possibility.
I was so hard to please
Look around
leaves are brown
and the sky is a hazy shade of winter.
"Hazy Shade of Winter" by Simon & Garfunkel, but here for your pleasure is the BANGLES version!

Happy Winter, btw. The Winter Solstice was yesterday and the period between now and NYE is a wonderful time to take an inventory of the last 12. I plan to take my time with it and be thorough with my reflection.

With time, we're constantly seeking to understand how to stop it from flying or passing when we want it to slow down. Or, we wish to speed it up when we feel stuck in something tedious.

Zen Buddhist teacher Joan Halifax Roshi told FORBES magazine, "In terms of our inner lives, no time exists except for what is happening in the present moment." We are warned constantly to slow down. We are invited to let go of the limiting thoughts -- It should've happened by now. Such and such is LATE.

But there is never any late and there is never any Finally until death, the end of the story. In the meantime, all time is created equal.

Knowing what I know now, I sometimes feel if i could turn back time, I would. Not everybody wishes or longs for that but I do. I would like a do-over in a few areas but short of that, I aim to pass along what someone may need to hear, something that will benefit someone in the short or long term in the way that will prevent that person from needing or wanting a do-over. I also intend acceptance, acceptance that for today I long for do-overs but tomorrow perhaps I won't. Feelings change. Acceptance that there are no do-overs and over-doing things in my life in reaction to my frustration that there are no do-overs is not what I need, either.

As I grow into my life and watch others do the same, I am inspired to let go and really, truly enter the perfect present. I am moving from partial presence to full, grounded, beautiful and powerful presence. This means living in the moment without plans. It means practicing love without goals. Expression and art don't understand that language, they just don't. The poem that longs to be written is like the crocus flower growing out of the mud towards the sun. It just grows.

Taking down time is impossible but taking down the limits of the mind and external structures that keep us from living in the moment, that can be done.

Enjoy the day :)
Lindsay

Break the Cycle of Overeating

2011-12-18T10:07:00.010-05:00

Hi,

I just added to a Facebook thread in response to someone asking for advice on how to get out of the cycle of overeating. Figured I would publish my reply here for you on Lindspiration! These are things I've learned from all my experience, teachers and fellows over the years.

Oh, and let me just say this has not exactly been the most successful holiday season for me so far and I am very much intending to take my own advice. I am learning with you! Here we go:

Plan what you're going to eat throughout the day and email it to someone in the morning. If you are about to go off your plan, first trace the bite. What will it lead to? Likely, more bites, a food coma, extra pounds, etc.

Don't deprive yourself. Eat plenty of delicious and healthy foods you enjoy as opposed to foods that are just a way of punishing yourself in response to your recent overeating.

Don't resort to crash dieting. See yourself through visualization first maintaining then losing over a reasonable period of time, knowing that the habits you can build into your life that will have staying power really do take about 30-90 days to implement. No sense trying to make too many changes at once, which can backfire.

Keep adding more of the healthy habits to snuff out the less healthy ones. Water, exercise (if your foot or any other lower body extremity remains injured you can consider ab workouts, pilates, light stretching, an elliptical machine or bike when you're cleared by your physical therapist), meditation, new activities you enjoy that will bring joy to your life and make food less attractive since your PASSiON energy will be up and busy with things besides food.

When the food button is HOT don't do things like a lot of cooking, watching of the Food Network or cooking shows, etcetc., find non food related activities to enjoy.

I seek extra food to "eat over" underlying feelings I don't feel I can tolerate. So, I would suggest to you that you CAN tolerate anything uncomfortable whether it's physical pain, anxiety, some sadness, regret over the last few weeks of overeating, work pressures, etcetc.

The SPIRITUAL is to realize that the overeating can be helped by opening up to more LOVE and SOURCE ENERGY in your life. Reach out to loving people and take active steps to let go of anything that blocks you from a deeper connection to SOURCE. Then, it becomes a lot less about the food, the weight, the perfect body, the skinny jeans, the washboard abs or 'doing right' by way of appearance and more about being closer to LOVE energy so you can experience all the benefits of THAT...

And finally, just relax and take it a day at a time. It's really the best way to get through any challenge. You are worth it, you deserve it and you can absolutely do this if you are willing to change.

Best,
Lindsay

5 Tips for Affordable Self Care in NYC

2011-12-16T08:18:00.018-05:00

Good morning! Quick post here before I jump in the shower and get to work on time. Yes.

How do you spend your money for your self care? NYC is one of the most expensive places to live in the world, and it's tempting to find yourself at shops and stores which justify NYC's reputation. Not necessary. There are plenty of places to go that won't make too much of a dent in your wallet and I wanted to share some of my favorites:

1. Hair -- I love James Bentley Salon which is a bit of a hop, skip and a jump west (located on 57th Street between 10th and 11th) but it is worth it. Joey Lupo does my color and gave me such a great hair cut. The prices are very reasonable! A single process ranges from $50-$75. Also nearby is Sur le Table, which is like a slightly less fancy Williams-Sonoma. So you can shop on your way home from getting your hair pretty...

2. Skin -- I LOVE Mario Badescu products, which also have a price point that's not too outrageous even as the quality is excellent. They have a great drying lotion for $17.00 and under eye gel for $18.00.

3. Muscles -- My buddy Scott at Spa Belle on 15th and 7th gives an amaaaazing hot stones table massage and foot massage that I swear has taken my ankle (last surgery was July 2010) from good to great. About $45 for 30 minutes.

4. Meridians -- I get acupuncture at YinOva with Noah Rubenstein and he's awesome. You can also take a look around their website for a lot of very useful health oriented content, from Menstruation 101 (work it out) to the value of probiotics. Note: The acupuncture is on the pricier side but I wanted to add it on the list anyway because of the value. Noah gives you a lot time and the treatment is so much more than being poked with needles.

5. Nutrition -- Union Square has a market every weekend that most people know about, I think, but perhaps don't frequent. I didn't realize just how much of a difference the local, in some cases organic, and fresh produce is than what I used to buy at a regular supermarket or on Fresh Direct! I bought Brussels sprouts on the stem and kale so big I felt like someone should fan me with them while I recline on a couch eating organic grapes. A little scary and very green but SO worth it if you just wash it, put it in a ziplock bag, toss olive oil and sea salt in there, mix it alll around, dump it on a pan and shove it on the oven. :) 15 minutes later and WOW. So delicious!

What are some of your favorite spots for self care in NYC? Leave a comment here and let me know.

Best, xo
Lindsay

Reconnecting to your Source

2011-12-15T07:43:00.006-05:00

The point of entry for me into a spiritual life -- and by that I mean a reliance upon and relationship with a Source energy or "power greater than myself" that is divine in nature -- was the need and desire to rediscover the real me. I lost myself. For years. I buried myself under unhealthy behaviors, toxic relationships, jobs which had me underemployed and underpaid, people pleasing, harsh treatment against myself, resentment towards others, and a refusal to live in my power. For starters. There was also a lot of loss in my life with which I had to contend, grief being another real gateway into seeking.

In the despair cycle that brought me, I was forced to look for solutions and this biggest blessing in disguise process led to my discovering what I believe to be spiritual energy that is a force of healing, wisdom and the greatest love we can feel. When I tap into it, the most amazing things happen in my being and usually in my life, too. In many ways, and this may sound dramatic, I feel reborn. There is a freshness and an openness. I used to love watching National Geographic nature shows on TV growing up and will never forget the episode I saw of a giraffe giving birth. The baby sort of slides out of the momma who remains standing up during the process. Still in the placenta sack, the baby drops and momma kind of licks the baby who stumbles up onto all fours. In a matter of moments, baby is able to walk. It looks miraculous. That's how I feel when I tap into Source.

I bring this up because in the last few months I moved away from my spiritual practice and I've seen the effect on me. I feel less like a newborn giraffe and a little more like an old, clumsy elephant. Even as I've had some really amazing, forward movement in my career and life, all of which has been wonderful, it's felt like I'm still swinging for a trapeze of external trappings to feel secure. If I catch it, I'm still just swinging back and forth. Taking these actions and living my life without Active Connection to Source energy by way of meditation, writing, prayer, and other means leaves me feeling like I'm just looking for another fix outside of myself.

I'm going to mention Spirit Junkie author and founder of HerFuture.com Gabrielle Bernstein and it's not because I want to drive traffic to my blog by engaging her scores of fans. I swear. I watched a recent TEDx talk she gave in which she described the process of surrendering to a higher power and letting go of addictive behaviors (she's sober 6 years), learning to live by what she's dubbed "~ng" (pronounced "ing") or her "Inner Guidance System". She is delivering the message of "A Course in Miracles" under the mentorship of Marianne Williamson.

In the video below, Gabby talks about having been assigned just 18 minutes to give her TED lecture and how she woke up in the early morning hours, stressing out about what she was going to say, only to decide the next day to just toss her notes and speak authentically. Tell her story from the heart. I'm sure she's well practiced in this area but still, I think it takes a lot to just angel wing it for something as important as a TED talk but she did and it's beautiful. A completely higher powered talk:

What you hear in this video is a person who is resigning to asking for guidance from a Source to help chart her path, lead her into maximum service and continue as a messenger of love. It's a different way to go about your day than just jumping into the shark waters and fighting for things you're not even sure you want, going on a quest to improve for the sake of impressing others, or living by someone else's power and influence instead of the quiet voice inside your heart.

The entire universe gathers within the field of Om.
The syllable Ah transforms the energy of the universe into the potential of being.
With Hum, the enlightened energy flows back into the universe, to spread its benefits in all directions. (Author unknown).

What I know for sure is that we are energy and I am positive that the things we learn which are harmful can be unlearned, a day at a time, through a spiritual connection. I am grateful that I don't have to travel anywhere in the world to find myself. Ultimately, all I need is all I have, right here, right now. Sure it's the same for you wherever you are and I wish you well on your illuminated path.

Lindsay

Why Write

2011-12-11T08:35:00.007-05:00

Good morning,

I've been thinking about this blog, lately, mainly on the topics of what it is and whether I want to continue. Sometimes I feel like the writing I do is wonderful for me and keeps my juices flowing, helps others, and is simply my way of riding the waves of inspiration I feel in the morning. Other times, I feel like Lindspiration is one giant procrastination tool! Like I could be doing so many other things when I'm writing, such as rehearsing lines for a show or working on my voice. Stretching. Reading a novel. Watching TV.

I used to feel MUCH freer in myself to write more candidly and emotionally. That's changed. While I don't read my old posts and try not to look back in judgment, I do feel a little weird when I think about the personal content I've offered up here and try to gratefully accept that it was helpful to some and just what I needed and wanted to write at the time. I wonder if it's helping me to share anything of myself anymore and am curious what the dwindling desire is about. I still feel a need to write but want it to go someplace else, such as into a play or a screenplay. Sometimes blogging feels like I'm having a conversation while blind and deaf in that I can't see or hear any reader's response to my words at all. I know that's what writers do -- if this were in book or magazine form I'd be comfortable knowing that what happens between you and the paper is not my business -- but because the web is a portal of virtual conversations, I think I feel like I want to engage readers to say something, which doesn't happen often on this blog, probably because I don't ask...

On Friday night I saw the play Other Desert Cities, in which Aussie actress Rachel Griffith takes her turn as Brooke Wyeth, an east coast, Ivy League educated, Jewish, 30-something, single writer who battles depression and whose memoir, Love & Mercy, is about to be published (in sections) in The New Yorker magazine. She meets up with her parents and brother over the holidays to get their blessing, not an easy feat since L&M will soon reveal the deepest, darkest truths of their family for all the world to read. It was a fascinating drama and I could relate to Brooke (also my middle name) and her drive to write, something which stemmed from her desire to find answers to questions she was carrying around inside of her, questions about her older brother's death and her parents' role in it, questions which, unanswered, became a certain kind of torture.

I feel myself skating around the edges of a rink and eager to move closer to the center, to really get into truths, events and aspects of my past. At this point, it feels like the only way I could really understand myself and move forward but at the same time, I know that the place to be is in the here and now. I have many "energetic anchors" that connect me to my past and I don't want to wait until I write my story to be able to move past the past. When I take steps to let go of the need to know, I experience rapid, accelerated growth, the kind that trumps a therapeutic insight or epiphany (not to discount, those are great, too). Still, it's hard.

Even now, I am looking at my laptop which crashed a few months ago and I am terrified to toss the thing. On it is a ton of writing and rants that weren't backed up, writing I may be able to salvage with a techie expert's help (doubtful, according to the Mac Genius) but that I've decided isn't really worth saving! Still, I'm attached. So, it sits on my shelf, a Macbook of memories, a diary of drama and in many cases drivel, my feelings about events which are over.

Maybe it's normal to feel grief. This silent listener recorded my earliest musings and cries, only to have the computer version of a heart attack and take my writing with it to the other side. Maybe it's normal to feel fear, too. What are we without our past perceptions, observations, attachments. I'll never forget during Hurricane Gloria (sometime in the 80s when I was 10 or 11 years old) when we were in the sunny eye of the storm, I walked out of my house on Long Island to find a nest that had been thrown from the tree outside my bedroom window onto our driveway. In it were 3 or 4 little newborn birds. Up in the tree, the mother bird was screaming at the top of her little bird lungs while down below her little ones did the same. It was an unnatural, premature separation and as much as I feel as vulnerable as the little chicks, I can see how that is only a feeling.

The truth is that I can take care of myself and no longer need the past in any way, shape or form to protect me from begin open to the moment. And that is what I think the past does more than anything else. It keeps us from being here because HERE in the unknown, without attachments to all we think we are based on what we went through from birth to the present moment, can feel really scary.

Probably more than anything else, this blog's become a place I can clarify my thinking and also do some healing. It's allowed me to guide myself and others in some way. It's made me realize that I desire connection and speaking is a way to start that ball rolling. It brings me tremendous joy to touch another person's life through my words, not only because I feel heard but because I feel useful. So, thank you for reading my work.

Lindsay

Holiday Cheer

2011-12-09T08:30:00.006-05:00

'Tis the holiday time
and we're definitely prone
to the highs and the lows
and a craving for home
as the fires burn bright
as the chimney's pump smoke
as the year disappears
and the new one brings hope
give attention to those
who need more than they say
the best gifts
come in bundles
of love
light
and
play.

Hi, everybody. I hope you're well! So, as the holidays get closer I want to help you feel a little less like a kernel of popcorn being heated up by an indistinguishable, uncomfortably warm source and on the verge of explosion, a side of toxic butter ready to add a drizzle.

Instead, a little bit of calm and centering. A knowing that a day at a time the following ideas are true:

*You'll get through the parties you attend. You will socialize, look cute in your holiday outfits and don't need to get wasted or overeat. You will choose to say Yes to invitations you want and No to ones you don't want.

*You'll get over not being invited to certain parties and when you see photos on Facebook, you'll be okay and at peace with other people's joy.

*You will find the right gifts for the special people in your life and not give any energy to believing a material present makes or breaks any relationship of any variety. That the thought really does count and the gesture of giving is enough.

*You'll be reflective of 2011 with a compassionate intention to love and honor yourself for all your efforts, embrace your imperfections, celebrate your successes and get excited about what's to come in 2012.

*If you're Jewish, you will joyfully and without guilt allow yourself to add any Xmas stuff to your somewhat empty apartment if it suits. (Ok, that one was for me. Ok, these all are for me but you know that!)

*You will realize that if you do find yourself surrounded by other kernels of popcorn popping that you have every right to walk your two little feet out of the situation and find a way to relieve your stress. Breathe. Relax. Drink cold water. Don't hesitate to separate.

*If you're single, you will feel any feelings that come up which are illustrative of your desire for a family of your own, down to the little dog wearing reindeer garb on his head or some kind of weird projection onto the mannequin families inside the Holiday windows at Sacks who look happy, yet tortured. Whatever floats your boat or feeds your fantasy is fine for a bit, but then you will come back to reality. THEN, maybe you will see that your reality is really f'in good. Maybe it has never been better. If the amount of love in your life exceeds what you need you are blessed.

If the amount of love you give yourself is enough to keep you thriving, creating, giving and in close relationships with wonderful people, you have enough. You really do!

Wishing you an openhearted holiday season!

Love,
Lindsay

The Tyranny of Like

2011-11-25T11:58:00.014-05:00

Sleeping six hours, going to multiple 6:30am fitness classes a week followed by 8 hours behind a desk, drinking too much coffee so my energy spikes and drops like a bungee jumper -- each of these actions do result in my feeling, at times, exhausted. Surpise surprise. Yet nothing, no thing, no behavior or excess of behaviors in my current life makes me feel as tired as being fake.

And perhaps nothing, no thing, feeds and fuels a tendency towards inauthenticity as much as a desire to receive the life equivalent of a Facebook LIKE. Efforts to please others by dolling out my own life LIKE approvals, as if I'm Santa Clause on Christmas Eve, is equally self stifling.

Not that there's anything wrong with a Facebook Like that's authentic. Them, I LIKE! If I ever have my own page, I will ask you to LIKE it, then hope you only do if you really, really mean it. Then, I will detach from whether or not you do or don't.

I spent Thanksgiving weekend out east in a home that feels like a cabin on an island that feels like a cloud in the sky, so removed is it from the activities below on earth. I am literal and it is Shelter so I am safe. A morning walk along the beach with my uncle, his partner, and "the kids" (the cutest, most darling dogs ever) cleared my head of my Thanksgiving feast induced hangover. There were pies. Many, many pies. The walk also pinched a hole in the high pressure balloon of stress I've been carrying around with me in New York City. Pop. I could relax and breathe in ways I rarely do at home, as much as I try to find ways to decompress.

I followed the walk with a bicycle ride for an hour. The island is so quiet. So few people. So few cars. So little noise. I found a used book store on my bike and bought a book for $7. Maya Angelou's Letters to My Daughter. She doesn't have a daughter but wrote these brief, soul stirring life lessons to her collective daughter, that is, all the women who look to her for advice, wisdom, leadership and learning. I spent the weekend with my own mother, whose lessons for me are becoming more frequent, rapid and exactly what I need. We spend more and more time together and I get to know her own stories, the adult equivalent of being raised.

Which brings me back to this conversation about the tyranny of LIKE. At 34, I am only just beginning to find the courage to be myself and with that, drop the conscious and below ground campaigns I've waged over the years to be liked. Like and its cousin Nice were constantly coming to dinner. It was important to my family, the community in which I was raised, the professional world, and in most places where anything but your talent becomes the defining factor and your likability quotient as important as your skills.

Perhaps that is what drew me to the arts. :) Instead of like me, can I please you by liking you, I will be nice nice very nice, there was the seduction of being like a rocker on stage with the primary purpose of pissing you off. I'm talking the kind of artist who would rather die than be popular and prefer to go without food and water for a few days in a hot , Afghan cave than have a career like Justin Bieber's.

The root? Fear. It's always fear. In this case, fear that expressing myself completely and authentically would lead to my losing certain things I have, people, and the belief that being liked and nice would help me gain and keep things I want.

The freedom is coming. For me it starts with accepting a host of personal dislikes and no longer blunting the feeling. Then it continues with taking myself off the hook. Trusting that my personality as is, is enough. That my work speaks for itself. That I can be kind without needing to people please my way into a corner. That the love I have inside of me does come out without forcing it.

Did you know (I didn't) that acceptance, neutrality or a Zen approach to something is actually an option over liking it? I am only learning that I could go through a whole day of doing things in acceptance without forcing myself to LIKE it. I can move with a neutral approach instead of forcing a guise of false cheer.

I can't deny my attraction to courageous souls who seek nothing besides freedom to express who they are without external forces controlling their voice. I saw that in the PBS documentary about Woody Allen. The man controlled his voice and projects. After his script for WHAT'S NEW PUSSYCAT was completely altered to suit the Hollywood studios, he vowed never again to lose creative control. Nothing would come between Woody, the keys of his ancient typewriter and the eventual execution of his story on film. Those were the terms under which he'd say Yes to a project. Nobody allowed to interfere. Woody is an example of No More Mr. Nice Guy.

Any actor worth their salt knows not to force anything. A faked feeling is like a death trap on stage, mainly because once you start forcing what you think suits the scene, you're no longer acting from an authentic place. Better to breathe, be patient, connect to your objective and let the feelings come as you continue to trust the text and what's happening between you and your partner. Very similar in life, I think! The less I try to be anything other than present, the more authentic I feel and then, here's the surprise, the more I actually DO like. Appreciation and gratitude may be practiced (witness my last post) but sometimes I think they're most enjoyed when they sneak up and make you catch your breath in wonder.

100 Thank You's

2011-11-24T06:51:00.004-05:00

Maybe one day I'll give a little big speech in a rather large auditorium with a trophy of some variety, earned not politically but legitimately for my work (creative, humanitarian or otherwise), in a dress that is a deep, emerald green, borrowed emeralds dripping from my ears, clip ons, of course, because my holes are loose and can't handle dangleys. I'll go home and put said trophy of some sort on a shelf, a place where I can see it when I want but not all the time, lest it come to define me and distract me from THE WORK. The list of thank yous will be memorized but improvised, so I don't forget my mom, my second grade teacher for casting me in the Pied Piper, KSA for running talent shows, and my college English Professor Lydia Fakundiny, the woman who turned me on to Montaigne and the essay as a form, and who let me know that someone can come to literature later in life (as if college is so late) and develop as a writer subsequently. Made not born...

In the meantime, there is THANKSGIVING!!! The most wonderful time of the year to...eat. And get grateful. Humble and grateful, since when you really start to look at the abundance on your plate, no matter how much is there or lacking, typically at some point or another, gratitude overwhelms. Melts the heart like butter on a baked sweet potato (healthy eating alert -- go for that with some olive oil over a marshmallow yam concoction). The the reflection moves to a comparison to someone, somewhere out there, with less. Much less. Then, the guilt over having so much. Comparatively. Then the reclaiming of desire, since, again, comparatively, someone out there has that much more so it's okay and legitimate to want that as well. Isn't it? It's a little confusing, this holiday, for people with stuff who want more stuff while sincerely empathizing with those without stuff.

As I pack up my bags this morning and head out to the eastern tip of Long Island for a few days, I've never so deeply wanted to rest and I'm not sure I've even been this grateful either. Grateful for my life, for my struggles, for the progress I've made, the people I love who love me, for being employed, having my own home, getting such clarity on what I want to pursue, for walking away from things and people no longer working for me, ah, the list goes on and on. Fortunately.

I'm going to write a very long gratitude list. 100 items long. I know it will feel good to me and hopefully it will inspire you to find the goodness for which your heart and soul are searching. Look under any rock keeping you from feeling grateful and see what you'll find! If you're not feeling particularly grateful, I just want to say this: Don't give up. Just don't give up on yourself, the love, peace, happiness and life you're seeking. Ever.

100 Gratitudes
1. Spending the holiday on Shelter with my family
2. Mud Truck coffee in the morning
3. Oat bran with the new almond coconut blend milk and organic apples for breakfast
4. Time for Thanksgiving intenSati class w/ Darbi before heading East
5. Yesterday's interview with Kid Shamrock cast and director, how connected and present I felt
6. My apartment
7. My new noise canceling headphones which I haven't tried yet but look really good
8. The morning light reflecting on the corner of the building out my window
9. The job I currently have
10. The jobs I am intending that I know are on the way, or something even better I can't conceive of yet
11. The joy I feel singing, dancing, music
12. Diane Keaton's autobiography
13. All the people who inspire me because of their authenticity and brilliance
14. My Pier 1 furniture
15. Italy
16. Learning the difference between waves of sadness and major depression
17. Learning the difference between bouts of nerves and free floating anxiety
18. Surrounding myself with people I love and who love me, letting go of the rest
19. The Thanksgiving Day parade and all the floats that make the kids and parents beam
20. Tara Brach's podcasts
21. David for all he teaches me about Zen
22. Recovering who I really am
23. Finding ways to give others what they need without enabling
24. Teaching intenSati
25. Practicing intenSati
26. Dancing around my apartment to Moby and Sarah Barelleis (sp?)
27. Baked apple crisp anything
28. My slender fingers and how pretty they look when manicured
29. Knowing that there are people out there who will love and appreciate me exactly as I am
30. Trusting my voice as an a writer/actress/director
31. Realizing my age is perfect
32. Loving getting "gussied up" with hair and make up
33. Remaining equally committed to never forcing myself to dress or appear any way I don't feel like
34. The food recovery program I attend
35. The women and men I know who have walked nearly exactly my walk and found peace, for inspiring me
36. Central Park
37. The poetry I've written and will eventually collect altogether
38. Song lyrics that move me
39. Poetry, literature, magazines, knowing I can't read it all but wanting to get as much in as I can
40. My very imperfect but healthy body
41. People who work in government and are committed to regulating the big banks
42. Humanitarians who help people living in poverty and under oppressive regimes
43. Occupy Wall Street -- not participating but grateful for those doing something to draw attention to injustice
44. Improv comedy class at the PIT
45. Saturday Night Live
46. All my friends' healthy babies and young children
47. My plant. Doesn't keep me up at night or spit up on my clothes.
48. The hundreds of books in my garage I'm going to bring back to my new apartment eventually and put on a yet to be purchased book shelf.
49. The blender Jen gave me as a housewarming gift.
50. Jen
51. Ginger, Karen, Tesha, all the people I met at the Good Commons retreat that totally changed my life
52. The BBC and the opportunities I'm getting there to live my dreams
53. People with beautiful, clear, adoring, sparkly, soulful eyes
54. People so secure enough in themselves they don't let others pose a threat
55. People who understand the challenges and rewards of writing
56. People who understand the challenges and rewards of acting
57. Oye, I'm only on 57. Grateful for this gratitude list!
58. My niece and nephew dogs Lulu and Jani
59. My uncle and his partner, Vidur
60. My incredible family that I love more than life itself but who I wish to depend on a little less
61. The Morning Joe for being an odd amalgam of what I love and hate about mainstream media.
62. Twitter for showing me that few people are really witty but there are some who are hilarious and I'm grateful to follow them.
63. Oprah for yesterday's episode about the singer who became the new frontman for JOURNEY (after being homeless, broke, and not believing in his dream) and DON'T STOP BELIEVING being the number one single of the 20th c.
64. People who believe in me more than I believe in me.
65. People I believe in and support more than they do themselves, hoping they will catch up.
66. Knowing that if I'm ever rich enough to "not have to work" that one of the things I will definitely do is design better sports and fitness outfits for women, undergarments, and comfortable yet stylish shoes with low to no heels.
67. All the synchronicities and "god incidents" that make me believe deeper in Source
68. All my tears
69. All my laughter
70. Hearing others laugh
71. Seeing others cry
72. Coffee with half and half
73. Really great movies and theater
74. My acting coaches Tom and Bruce
75. Being okay with the extent of and depth of my ambition and desire to improve, DEEPEN and grow in my crafts. Not knowing why the desire is as strong as it is, just accepting
76. Learning to be more patient, more efficient
77. Learning to TRUST
78. Learning to LET GO
79. Learning to heal a broken heart
80. Learning to sing
81. Learning to write scripts and plays. People who come to my shows, read my work, support me as an artist
82. Learning to be on camera with deep calm
83. Learning about what makes other people tick or stop ticking and start ticking again
84. All the incredible abundance and growth in my career this past year
85. Grateful I am not looking back or too far forward
86. Learning how much time I need to be alone and conversely, how much time I need to be around people!
87. Recording studios
88. My dad whose passion for music, thtr/film, and of course sports is the tree from which this apple dropped
89. My mom for being so smart, organized and disciplined, loving and beautiful, easily the most attractive and stylish 60ish woman I know
90. My brother for being a rock star
91. The sky, looking up to the sky for a breath
92. My renovated kitchen and no guilt that so far yet I rarely if ever use it
93. The dog I will one day have, the family, love, soulmate connection and children I believe I will one day have in my life that is already in my heart.
94. Making peace with what I can't change about myself and others
95. My new favorite woman on the world stage, the head of the IMF and possible future president of France, Christine Lagarde
96. Roasted brussel sprouts, pecan pie
97. Elise for taking me to Tuscany
98. The four different physical therapists for helping to heal my ankle after my surgery
99. Yom Kippur and all the mini-atonements i made throughout the year, forgiving myself and others for any transgressions
100. The spirit womb

Wowzers. That was fun. Have a very happy and healthy Thanksgiving!! Of course, feel free to share your gratitudes with me here if you want!

Best,
Lindsay

Why Advice is Annoying

2011-11-17T05:57:00.007-05:00

I thought it might be a good time
to weigh in
on why
at times
it feels so annoyyyyying
to receive advice from someone
about
What to Do
with yourself
How to Deal
with a situation
maybe
Where to Go
on vacation
or simply
Why it Happened
as
it
did.

You've Heard it all Before
Often people say things that you've already heard or share a tidbit of wisdom you've already discovered for yourself. This immediately causes resistance. A little ego rising. Are you trying to tell me I'm stupid and didn't learn it the first time?! You know it's what you need to do but you haven't done it yet.

Easier Said than DONE
When action oriented advice comes out of someone's mouth it could feel like they are not taking into account how HARD it FEELS or IS to implement said action. "Just go to the gym" could feel like being asked to carry a bag of kettle balls up a hill on roller blades. For whatever reason, if in that moment your true feelings are that it's a challenge to do something, the well intentioned and wise advice may fall on deaf ears.

You Don't Really Want to Change
You think you do but you really don't so when someone suggests you do, you react in a way that will protect your habit(s). Love that one because it speaks to how we can deceive ourselves into thinking we really want the change. I do, I do, I DO, umm, I think, wait, maybe I don't. I don't? Shit, I don't.

You Want More (or Less) Than Advice
How many times has someone given you advice but that's not what you really want. You just want them to listen. Or, you just want a hug. Maybe you really want them to give you the thing you want that they're advising you on how to get. Or, you just want to feel peaceful. Advice can feel grating when it's not what you really want.

Listening is Vulnerable
When you listen and by that I mean really, really listen, you may feel vulnerable. You might have a reaction, a feeling, a swelling in the chest, a flutter in the belly, or an influx of thoughts into your brain that will start to cause your face to contort. Or, soften. Bottom line, you're vulnerable in that moment so it's easier to start interrupting or fold your arms across your chest. Anything to resist fully listening and being open to that in the presence and company of someone else, which could be a little scary.

On the other hand, advice can feel amazing, enlightening, supportive, like exactly what you needed to hear, a gift of mental mana from the heavens, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera.Either way, there's always something to be learned. To all the people who give me advice, thank you for the gift. To those who have listened to me and mine, solicited or not, thank you, too. :)

All that said, here is more advice:

Eat well and do that with the help and support of other people.
Work out because it's amazing for your health (mental and physical).
DITCH any relationship, non relationship relationship or casual thing that is not serving you and isn't what you deserve.
Live passionately and with intention.
Recover solidly and quickly from any setback, perceived loss, or bump off the horse.
Have FUN!

Cheers,
Lindsay

Your Tribal Dance

2011-11-06T07:17:00.005-05:00

People form tribes. In NYC, especially. My acting coach, Tom Todoroff, used that word a lot and encouraged us to hang with the people who share the same passion for acting. I remember finding the language a little strange, initially. Groups, people with shared interests, teams, cliques, even, but tribes? My friend recently expressed how grateful she is for the Sati tribe (people who take and teach the fitness practice intenSati) and I started thinking again about that word and the importance of community.

When I was a freshman at Cornell, I rushed a sorority called Alpha Epsilon Phi. I was on the Women's Soccer team at the time and there were a few girls from the team in that house, plus more than a few members of the Original Tribe so it felt like if I was going to be in one, this would be the right fit. I now credit joining AEPhi as one of the worst decisions I made in my college years. It wasn't just the hierarchical thinking and self/group branding. It was more than a socializing arrangement based on meeting somewhat intimidating and mostly immature, arrogant guys in large, imposing mansions-turned-frat houses with enough beer on tap to fill the Finger Lakes. And yes, a sorority initiation that involved putting the pledge class, myself included, on all fours with hands tied (or positioned, can't exactly remember) behind our backs while two twin sisters who were so skinny their combined weight probably equalled mine, made ice cream sundaes on the floor in front of us and shouted "EAT! EAT IT! EAT ITTTTT!!!!" didn't exactly help.

No, the real reason joining AEPhi was a decision I can look back on as the road ill-advisedly traveled was because while living and hanging with a group of girls creating allegiance and community that was not based on anything real, I lost a sense of myself as an individual. I don't do well with compulsory bonding. Or pressures to put on a good face or a happy one.

I also had little to no skills to deal with my inferiority complex, one which was triggered to such a degree at that time by exposure to fellow sorority sisters who seemed so talented, smart, beautiful and rich, it fueled an eating disorder. Now, to be fair and balanced, I have some positive memories and to this day stay in touch with one of my bff's and favorite people on the planet, Laura. (Hi, sweetie.) Yet, for the most part, I was such a mess at a time that if there were any benefits to be found in the Cornell University Greek system, said benefits escaped moi.

Today, Maureen Dowd's NYT editorial is about the women she ran into at the Manolo Blahnik sample sale. These female shoppers demonstrate something of an anti-tribe mentality, I'd say, since many have a My Stilettos, My Self mentality first and foremost. Now I love fashion and if I was swimming in money instead of making a media exec assistant's salary, my clothes would probably reflect my interest a bit more. Yet, as Leon Talley as my witness, I do not subscribe to a "Don't you dare get in the way of me and those 4 inch heels!" a-tti-tude.

That's the difference between a tribe and a group of people who have the same interests. Tribe members, ideally, look out for each other. Competition can be healthy but you don't swipe a sister's shoes.

Even if you find a tribe you love, it can be challenging to deal with jealousy. If you're human and you feel it, it become a real headache since in addition to feeling the jealousy, when you are part of a system you may feel guilt and/or frustration for even having the emotion in the first place. As if it demonstrates a lack of allegiance. "I shouldn't feel this way" adds a layer of judgment and makes it harder to manage. If you're not careful, you may turn it inward on yourself.

It's true, right!? I can relate. It happens. Because we're human.

The other challenge of group dynamics is sometimes you can feel beholden to people's expectations of what your role is or should be with everybody. The tendency towards group think -- when people are all subscribing to the same or similar ideas without challenge, question or debate -- can be alluring. It takes less effort to agree and people pleasing sometimes really has its "benefits" and makes you think you're getting what you want. For me, anything I've ever gotten by people pleasing has not felt worth it.

The bottom line is that the value of having friends, fellows, community -- of finding and traveling in a tribe or two -- outweighs the cost of dealing with the kinds of emotions one feels or pressures that come up almost inherently in group dynamics. Self sufficiency is a way of the past and the world is moving into shared resources and support. Online communities keep sprouting up like sunflowers in a Tuscan countryside. When you find people you really connect to, people you love and trust, when you make friendships that transcend and outlast the tests of time and experience, it makes you feel grateful to be alive.

New York City is a large urban landscape with cold cement and bricks. The sunshine lights up the skyscrapers from the outside but it's up to us, the people, to light them from within. It can feel exceptionally lonely here, sometimes, and the NYC cliche of bumping into hundreds of people all day on the streets while never connecting resonates for most at one point or another. I can certainly relate and am doing what I can not just for community but for the kind of intimacy that is real, where there is honesty, love, fun, laughter and non competitive shopping for high heels.

It helps to get together with people who sing and dance the same song or at the very least, sing and dance!

Exclusive Interview: UC Berkeley Women's Varsity Basketball Head Coach LINDSAY GOTTLIEB

2011-10-30T09:59:00.003-04:00

These days, it seems like everybody either has a coach, wants a coach, thinks they need a coach or is a coach. With philosophies and approaches that often draw from positive psychology, Dr. Phil-esque tough love, back to basics All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarden, Oprah-endorsed The Secret and its various offshoots, and so much more, if you need a little motivation, a little inspiration, a little Jai Ho gung ho perspiration with or without open-mouthed, Twisted Sister WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO WITH YOUR LIFE urgency, there are plenty of resources.

For the record, yes, I wanna rock and I most certainly love and appreciate coaching! Follow the links above if you haven't already for some great content. (See, that's me coaching you. Just read the rest of the post first, please! Then go back for the links.)

On that note, I could not be happier to share my exclusive interview with an actual sports coach, my friend and total inspiration, UC Berkeley Women's Varsity Basketball Head Coach, Lindsay Gottlieb. I know Coach Gottlieb from our days together as campers, bunkmates (while fun, I'd say we bonded over being the least mischievous of a daring lot) and BFFs at Kutsher's Sports Academy in Monticello, NY. Her good nature, humor, athleticism and humility were noticeable even then, and it comes as no surprise to me that her career is soaring.

Gottlieb played basketball her whole life (she grew up in Scarsdale, NY) and earned her BA in Political Science at Brown University, where she played on the varsity team before a knee injury ended her career. Instead of walking away from the sport she loved, she became student assistant coach of the Brown team. Instead of following in the linear footsteps of her legal eagle family members, Gottlieb stayed with her passion for hoops, continued coaching, and courageously followed the windy road onto which she was led.

Gottlieb became the assistant coach at Syracuse University, where she earned a Masters in Philosophy of Education. She then went on to assistant coach spots at University of New Hampshire, University of Virginia Richmond (under Head Coach Joanne Boyle), and UCLA Berkeley (she and Coach Boyle went there together). Next, she was tapped to become UC Santa Barbara's Head Coach, where she led her team to 2 Big West titles, 2 post season bids and an overall 56-39 (.589) record. After 3 consecutive winning seasons, Gottlieb was given the opportunity of a lifetime -- to return to Cal Berkeley, this time as Head Coach.

Gottlieb is only 34 years old and already demonstrating such steady confidence, persistence and a creative approach to leadership, one can only imagine with excitement where she'll be in ten years time. Time will tell. In the meantime, let's keep it in this day and turn it over to the transcript of my interview with Coach Gottlieb (done over email) so you can see what she relies on to inspire her talented team, keep herself energized, get over setbacks and create a unique style of leadership all her own...

Congratulations on becoming Head Coach of the Cal Berkeley women's varsity basketball team! How does it feel to return to Cal and how are things going so far?
Thank you! It's been amazing so far, and I've only just begun. While I was certainly content coaching at UCSB and was not actively looking to pursue other jobs, for me, Cal was not just any job, it was THE job. So, to be able to return to a place that I am so fond of and to begin this journey as Cal's head coach...I couldn't be happier.

These first few months have been hectic, as any coaching transition is inherently crazy. That being said, however, the response I've received from the community, the athletic department and the players has been amazing. The "buy-in" has been instant, which makes things a lot easier. I think everyone is on the same page and looking forward to this season and the future of Cal Women's Basketball.

What are some major factors contributing to the growth of Cal women's basketball program?

I think Cal Women's Basketball is at an interesting and exciting juncture, in that we are established on the national scene, but the next leap is to become one of the truly "elite" teams. So from a basketball standpoint, I think it's getting the players to see that we need to turn our talented group into a cohesive team that performs better as a unit than we ever could as individuals. We need to be willing to do the little things, the extra things, the added attention to detail that will take us to another level.

In addition, I want to reach out to the campus and community and make sure that our program is accessible in that way. I feel strongly that as female athletes and coaches, we need to use our platform to be involved, to make an impact on the community around us, and also to help grow our fan base and our game.

How do you advise your players to successfully balance academics and athletics?
The first thing is, they know that academics is as much of a priority to me as athletics. I vocalize it, and I think that's important. They know that showing up for a tutoring session on time is just as important as being on time for practice. The second part is helping to put them in a situation to be successful. What I mean by that is, time management and balancing everything on their plate academically and athletically is probably the hardest part of the transition to college for our student-athletes. So we help them by teaching them how to make schedules, how to use their time effectively, how to structure their days. We are very hands-on with the freshmen, and the hope is to empower them to be able to be more independent as they progress, but we certainly don't leave them to "sink or swim" on their own. We truly invest in these young women as athletes, students and young women.

The Athletic Director at Cal described you as "compassionate and passionate" which I think is an amazing combination. Very powerful. Could you possibly describe your style of leadership?

I love what I do, and I do hope that shows at all times. I think that being the head coach of a division 1 athletic program is much like being the CEO of a small company: there are so many aspects to manage and things to be mindful of. I always try to be me, and not do it someone else's way, which would come off as disingenuous. I care deeply about the players I coach and the people I work with, and I think that shows. So, compassionate is accurate. I think big and create the vision for the program. I've hired amazing people, so I let them carry out a lot of that vision. I am analytical and well thought out in my decision making. I consider myself progressive and forward thinking in terms of strategy, yet I also know that good relationships are critical to success. I'm upbeat and positive by nature, yet seek excellence from myself and those around me. Passionate about what I do, for sure. Does that cover it? :)

I can see you'd have made a great lawyer if you went that route! Who are some of your greatest inspirations and what specifically have they taught you which you apply today in your coaching?

First, my parents. I think about it now, and I appreciate so much how they always encouraged me to do what I love. There was never a pressure to do what someone else wanted me to do or thought I should do. I have been able to find success and be true to myself because I followed my passion, and my mom and dad certainly fostered that.

Other than that, I draw inspiration from so many different places. I try to read a ton. Sometimes it's sports related material but a lot of times I'll read poetry or political theory. Or, it could be something totally random that I use as a thought of the day or a point of emphasis with my team. I know it sounds nerdy (I admit it) but I think inspiration comes from a lot of places, and I try to think outside of the box in my approach at times. The key is being able to use words from Aristotle or Muhammed Ali or Eleanor Roosevelt and make them accessible and relevant to our players.

How do you handle expectations? Obviously, when you have a proven track record of success as you do, there can be some pressure. Do you feel it and what do you do to stay focused?

I have learned that when you are involved in sports, much of what you do is out there for the public to judge. That's just the nature of it. Much of my family is involved in the legal profession, and no one is blogging about the outcomes of their trials or what decisions they made. But as a coach, people are going to have an opinion about how I do things, and I have to be ok with that. There are expectations and pressure, but that means people care about Women's hoops, which is a good thing. I know it sounds cliche, but the greatest pressure comes from within. I want to be successful because I want our players to have a special experience, I want to make our administration and community proud.

What I have learned is that I must trust my process. Meaning that although I'm in a results oriented field, I need to stay focused on the process and making sure that we are doing things the right way. Focusing on the process keeps me from going on the roller-coaster of emotions ... That's what can be detrimental to coaches, I think. I certainly look in the mirror and evaluate decisions but I try to do it in a measured and comprehensive way: Are we focusing on the right things? Are practices effective? Am I getting the most out of the players? By focusing on the process, I'm better able to deal with the pressures of the job.

Senior guard Rachelle Federico, in addition to calling you one of the most knowledgeable coaches out there, says "There's an energy about [you] that's contagious." Can you tell me a bit about how you manage your energy. Obviously, there are some long hours, plenty of travel and a lot of people relying on you being at your best. How do you do it?

The first thing is, it's easier to have energy when you are genuinely happy going to work every day. The young people I am privileged to coach keep me energetic and upbeat (even when they occasionally drive me crazy)! But I'm also very conscious of keeping myself as fresh as possible. I work out almost every day. It gives me energy and makes me feel good. I don't always get as much sleep as I'd like (especially during the season) but I try very hard to listen to my body and be in touch with what I need to do to stay healthy. Sometimes that means watching a little less film and getting a little more sleep, or making sure to eat well when the grind of the season can wear you down.

What kind of advice do you give to someone who is overcoming a physical setback, whether it's an injury or an illness, that wants to get back into shape, both mentally and physically?

The first key is a word that you used in your question: WANT. If someone wants to get healthy or back into shape, that's a huge first step. The next piece is putting things in place to make that person successful. Do you need support? Then maybe it's best to join class or a workout group. Motivation needed? Set attainable goals. My best advice is that returning from injury or getting into shape is a process, and often a long and difficult one: you must realize that you may need help, you may have setbacks, but if you are committed to doing it, it's ALWAYS possible.

We used to have a lot of fun together in our camp days at KSA (Kutsher's Sports Academy)! How important were those formative years in contributing to who you are today?

We had SO MUCH FUN!! And honestly, I think about my KSA days often. As a camper, I remember the relationships I made and friendships that have lasted years. In a lot of ways, our bunk was a lot like a team. We met and went through things with a group of people that became very close, whether we would have been friends in another circumstance or not. That was a cool experience, and similar to the bonds I see form amongst teammates. My years as a counselor really helped foster a love for coaching. I know it was just for fun, but in leagues I had my own team, they responded to me, I got to make decisions and call plays. It certainly was an experience that affected me very deeply.

*

Tell me she's not the BEST, right?!? Seriously. She even juggles:

Follow Coach Gottlieb and the Cal Berkeley Women's Varsity Basketball team all season on Facebook and their awesome, new interactive website. GO GOLDEN BEARS!!

Best,
LBD

Words of Confidence

2011-10-23T08:09:00.003-04:00

I haven't been to one game yet. Not in a stadium, bar, or friend's apartment. Not at my High School for homecoming or while in a waiting room, bar, or diner, where there are 6 flat screens but still no perfect view. I don't have a TV of my own yet (new apartment) and definitely wouldn't look for video online. Football season is ON, yes, but at this point, I remain pretty oblivious to the activity.

This is not to say I'm not interested. I am. Just busy. Next month, I'm going in!!

For lots of people I know for whom football is a huge passion, Football Season is already in full swing. The newly chilled October air, the crowds, the close calls, the rivalries, the last minute victories, the beer, cheerleaders, touchdown victory dances, tailgate parties and, if you're a player, the thrill of getting on that field in front of all the aforementioned to Bring. It. Home. Football...

Sports in general (to which I can relate) and football in particular are a tremendous way to bond with family and form the kinds of relationships with friends that feel familial. I've recently and very gratefully been in touch with my former middle and high school gym teacher, Coach Mark Collelouri. He was one of my favorite teachers and remains a special, inspirational person in my life. I have very positive memories of playing sports under his eye, training in the weight room with his football and baseball players (he coached both teams), so much enjoying just being one of the guys, and always knowing he was one of my biggest supporters throughout my life both on and off the field. I was close to his father, Mario, and was getting to know his son, Tommy, so much the pride and joy of Coach C's life.

Tommy had a very special relationship with his Grandpa Mario. Back in the Summer of 2000, after Tommy was named a 2nd Team All American in football as selected by Bigger Faster Stronger, a publication in the field of athletics, strength and conditioning, he wrote a piece for the BFS Journal titled inspired by their relationship.

"His Words of Confidence Live On" is a tribute to Mario's role in Tommy's development as an athlete and man. I asked Coach C if I could repost it, since the piece made me realize how important it is to remember and celebrate the wisdom of our elders, but also because of the very specific message, which is, it takes ONE PERSON to believe in somebody 100% and truly change the course of his/her existence. Just ONE PERSON to make an indelible impression and offer those words with just the right amount of faith and encouragement.

As a writer, teacher of intenSati (a fitness practice that uses spoken affirmations and places tremendous value on the importance of positive, inspirational language), and reader, I can be very (perhaps too) attached to words. I love words yet words are just the start of an idea or a sentiment. But what is beneath or beyond the words? Without love behind the words, for instance, they can seem so empty. Without strong intention, the meaning could get lost...

Yet, if there is love and no expression or communication through words, sometimes it just isn't enough. We have words for a reason. A wonderful reason! Poetry, prose, songs -- a simple I Love You -- are here as ways to express what is felt. We can be grateful to those who put into words what we sometimes cannot.

With that, I share with you Tommy's piece in its entirety, reposted with permission from his dad. :) I hope you find it as inspiring as I do, both for the experience and way it's communicated.

HiS WORDS OF CONFIDENCE LIVE ON
By Tom Collelouri, BFS 2nd Team All-American
Published: Summer 2000

His spirit lives on. I still hear his words of confidence every day of my life. Though he passed away almost three years ago, I can still feel his presence.

Ever since I was in the seventh grade I had been told that I was too small to play football. I never really had much size as a child, but my love for the game was great. I can still remember my first scrimmage in the fourth grade. I was playing Strong Safety against the Giants. I remember dropping back and seeing the ball go up. I reached out, caught the ball and returned the interception for forty yards before being knocked out of bounds. I wasn’t sure what I had done, but I knew it was good because by team came over to congratulate me and then they escorted me back to the huddle. That’s when I knew I wanted to play college football.

Just a few years later, I wasn’t even being allowed to play middle school football. My coaches kept me off the field. They would criticize me in front of the team by saying things like, “You’re too small to play football. “Collelouri has the best arm on the team, too bad he’s not 6-2.” Or, “Hey, Tommy, I’m going to buy you some growing pills to take during the off season.” I remember going home every day and crying in my room. It felt like someone was taking away from me what I loved most, football. That’s when my Grandpa Mario would call. He called every day to see how practice had gone.

Whenever my Dad told me Grandpa was on the phone, I would wipe my tears away and try to stop myself from hyperventilating because I thought it was unmanly to cry and I didn’t want to disappoint him. Then I would put the phone to my ear and hear Grandpa say, “Hey Butch! How was your day, Buddy?”

Grandpa would always reply by saying, “Don’t worry about it, Tom. You and I both know that it’s his loss. You’re a good, strong football player. Just keep plugging away at the weights. If he keeps you off the field because of your lack in size, then he’s a jerk!” No matter how upset Grandpa ever got, he would never let his grandchildren hear him curse. But it was his words, day after day that kept me going.

Grandpa Mario’s words of confidence are what kept me going all these years and got me to where I am today. I remember wanting to quit football in the eighth grade because I was sick of fighting and doing everything within my power for a starting position with nothing to show for my year-round hard work and efforts. It had sucked all of my love for football out of me. When Grandpa Mario found out about this he called and said, “Hang in there Tommy boy. Don’t let him get the best of you.” I always looked up to my Grandpa and I did not want to let him down.

So here I am today, four years later. I am now a senior at Plainview Old-Bethpage JFK High School. I’m 5’11”, 205 pounds and the captain of the varsity football, lacrosse, and weight lifting teams. I was voted best athlete in the school by my classmates. I received All-Conference honors in football, was invited to play in the “Long Island Exceptional Senior Game” on Thanksgiving Day and was nominated for the BFS High School All-American Team. I owe it all to my Grandpa Mario.

If it were not for my Grandpa Mario keeping me in the sport and reminding me of my love for football, I know not where I would be today. He not only taught me how to overcome adversity on the field, but in the classroom as well.
I always struggled with my grades growing up but my friends and family did not know why. Finally, when I was in the tenth grade, I was tested by my school and they found that I have a reading disability. Now, knowing what the problem is, I have been able to use the services of my resource room which has helped me learn ways to work around this disability. I may have to work harder than most other students to get the grades I want, but I am willing to do whatever it takes because it’s what Grandpa Mario would have wanted.

So, if Grandpa Mario is listening to me right now, I would like to say two simple words. Thank you!

(End)

Tommy Colleleuri is presently a police officer in Roanoke, VA, where he assists in instructing at the academy and is a new member of their S.W.A.T. team. He just got married last month and is going for his MA in Counseling. Congrats, Tommy!

Keep Going

2011-10-19T08:23:00.004-04:00

Good morning!

I just came back from taking a 6:30AM intenSati class at Equinox. This, after taking a 6:30PM intenSati class at Equinox last night. We are all different and wake up with a different level of willingness or resistance. For me, even though it's rainy, chilly and I'm a bit sore from last night, I kept my commitment because I wanted to move my body before sitting at a desk all day. I also wanted to celebrate in class with a student of mine whose birthday is today. As he said, "Well, whatever gets you there (to class)!" and he's right.

The interesting thing to me is how much easier it is for me to do high cardio aerobics at the crack of dawn then it is to resist a carbohydrate. :) It's true. I am still eating what I believe to be more food then I need on a weekly basis, even based on the rigorous exercises I do a few days a week. There are so many biological factors that go into cravings, psychological factors that go into emotional eating, and spiritual factors that go into reaching for ANYTHING that might take the place of a connection to Source energy.

Alone time in the Spirit Womb -- :) shout out to my Single & Sensational students who know what I'm naming -- is SO unbelievably nurturing, but, sometimes I just reach for Tasti Delite instead!

So, as I continue on this journey, I ask myself every day if I'm willing to learn something new that will help me stick to the commitments that are for my highest good and grow towards the light no matter what.

The tempting first-thought is, "It's hard." THE ROAD LESS TRAVELED starts out with that line -- Life is hard. This begs the question of what is REALLY hard as opposed to SELF CREATED hard. Does changing the conversation in your head to an affirmation, such as one I've learned in intenSati, "What I used to think is hard has now become easy, I move with ease...", help? Or, does it better serve you to validate with that "Yes, this is very hard. I honor myself as I face this challenge with as much strength as I can call up." I guess to each his own or perhaps a little of both could work?

Whether it's resisting a muffin (easy for some, not others), getting to the gym (ditto), dating after a few years off the scene (ditto again), going on job interviews after being laid off, coping with hormonal fluctuations before, during, or after your period, or, any of the myriad of challenges facing most human beings on a daily basis, maybe it's time to realize that with every challenge there is always a new solution to discover.

It is more than okay to be learning every day. So just keep going...

Best,
Lindsay

How's Your Self Care?

2011-10-15T18:14:00.005-04:00

I just had such a day of self care and at such affordable prices, no excuses, I had to share and offer it to YOU!

Ok.

Treated myself to coffee and a fresh fruit smoothie at Grey Dog's. My favorite neighborhood spot in Chelsea.

I went to a meeting to support my commitment to my financial health and solvency. FREE.

I took dance class with my mentor Patricia Moreno at Equinox. FREE (for me, since I am an Equinox Employee. LOVE.)

I went to a yoga class at CLAY sponsored by Well & Good, an amazing newsletter covering all the health, fitness and beauty trends and happenings in NY. FREE.

I got a mani/pedi for $21 at this place on 7th and 14th. Not exactly your spa of spas, but it got the job done. A utility mani/pedi. Note: Chose sparkly colors for both hands and feet. A little uplift per my friend/fellow intenSati teacher Jolynn Baca.

Tonight, I am going to dinner with my friend at Tree Bistro in the East Village using a Dealist coupon I purchased. $40 of food for $20. Not free, but a great deal, come on! Check out the menu, we're going to chow.

Later on, hitting up a friend's birthday party somewhere in NoLita.

Enjoying my life in NYC has never been this easy (and affordable)!!

Now let me go back to my FREE music on Pandora, streaming "Just Dance Radio" with more cheese than a tuna melt. Makes me happy.

Love,
LBD

Create or Wilt

2011-10-13T06:49:00.006-04:00

Sitting up straight is also a simple, immediate way to sit right in the middle of your life. When you sit and meditate, sit for at least 10 minutes. Often in the first ten, you will have various reluctances, resistances…after 5-10 you will have settled into more stable meditation process. Follow the breath in the abdomen. Allow it to be as long or short, deep or long as it wants to. It's not the point of meditation to control your experience but to become more accepting, compassionate, more tolerant, and to shift from performance to presence….Edward Espe Brown on Zazen

Good morning,

That excerpt is from the audio Quiet Mind which gives a little sampling of various forms of meditation, including Zazen (the Japanese Zen tradition), Metta (Loving Kindness), Vipassana and Tonglen. I've been listening lately as I seek to establish a true sense of safety, calm and presence inside me and in the aspects of my environment which I can control.

This theme of safety is such an important one, for women especially, I think. Not only is there the physical sense of security, but there is the idea of whether a person is safe, or, trustworthy. Can you share yourself intimately? Will they receive you in your authenticity with compassion or judgment? Patience or anger? Apathy or sincere listening?

The Artists Way by Julia Cameron discusses the vital importance of recovering a sense of safety for your inner artist. If someone was critical of your work and you internalized the criticism, not uncommon for anybody who's ever gone out on a limb creatively or expressed an opinion, it takes a certain mindfulness to realize you've allowed yourself to shrink because of what this person (or group of people) said about you and your work. Once you understand that's what you're doing, internalizing or taking personally someone else's opinion, it's possible to begin again with a clean slate and rebuild trust in yourself and your work. Cameron talks about taking small steps in this regard.

It's not just about opening yourself up to your potential. That sounds like a luxury and maybe to some it is, but the breath, which is vital, is on par with that creative energy and artist in you. Create or wilt? Express or die inside?

Encouraging you to let go of inhibitions and take small steps towards safety and creative freedom today!

Best,
LBD

The Last 24

2011-10-09T10:23:00.002-04:00

I knew I would be prompted to blog based on the dramatic way in which it began. As sundown approached the city, 6PM to be precise, my parents were leaving the runway of JFK on board a jet plane to Europe for a 2-week vacation. Meanwhile, I was meeting a friend and crew at an Italian restaurant on 39th and 9th, ready to eat myself to capacity before going to Kol Nidre service and enter what is the holiest 24 hours on the Jewish calendar, Yom Kippur, with an intention to actually observe.

As I’ve written a few times on this blog, I grew up in a relatively unreligious reform Jewish household on Long Island. We followed a few of the norms of reform Jewish behavior such as Cliff Notes version Sedars on Passover (shout out to my Dad’s Famous Matzoh Brei served with Welsh's grape jelly). There was our regular attendance on the friends and family Bar/Bat Mitzvah circuit, which came with a complete sense of inferiority as we sat in the Conservative shulle and didn’t understand what was happening. A Temple Beth Elohim membership, with its organ and choir, was like my Jewish town's equivalent of growing up “on the wrong side of the tracks”. There was my own show stopping Bat Mitzvah affair at said TBE and fabulous after party with the entertainment of Le Masquerade at the Sans Souci in Sea Cliff. The theme? Lindsay’s Manhattan Magic.

Hands up, baby. Hand. Up.

I loved our electric menorahs facing the street every year on Chanukah (it took ten minutes to figure out whether to light right to left or vice versa when facing the street) and, of course, the presents. I was lucky enough to receive a Christmas gift until I was old enough to be told not only that Santa Claus isn’t real, but if he was real he never would’ve been buying me my Cabbage Patch Dolls anyway because, well, Santa is not really in the business of spoiling Jewish people and couldn’t I tell from Rudolph’s nose, which is red and lacking any distinguishing feature of our tribe, that he was not one of us?

The Rosh Hashana to Yom Kippur holy period, which consisted of more food and family rituals, was one that we also did in a very scaled back version. On Yom Kippur, my mom would fast but not my father, whose religion is sports and devil is the Republican party. He sleeps well at night and doesn’t need any one stop shopping school of forgiveness from an anthropomorphic castle in the sky god, now where are the keys (to my car not the castle), I’m going to find a bagel store that’s open for breakfast, thank you very much.

Yom Kippur is like Loemann’s, that department store where you find everything you need, including fabulous deals on designer items, all under one roof. That’s Yom Kippur for ya – a day to atone for every item in your previous year, from big-ticket transgressions like cheating on a spouse to smaller ones, like yelling at your brother for telling you to stop naval gazing already, you sound like that Julia Roberts character from that Love Pray Eat movie and further resenting him for not recognizing Elizabeth Gilbert by name or her literary chops, which you respect.

Essentially, on Yom Kippur, God is open for everything. And boy is He ready to listen, as well as judge, shame, bring you to your knees, hear, raise, forgive, love and bedazzle you and your slate so you can wake up and feel as fresh, shiny and rearing to go as a brilliant titanium MacBrook Pro.

I’m not sure if having my parents literally in the sky on the eve of Yom Kippur, thus joining God to form a holy trinity of the most guilt-inducing figures in my life all at once, motivated me further. Probably not. I think I would’ve felt ready to observe this holiday based solely on what I felt – that is, my own guilt, regret, and a deep need to forgive myself and others. Yes, after years of disregarding the holiest of holy Jewish days and having gone no closer to a temple on Yom Kippur than towards an unfriendly looking pit bull on the leash of a buff Chelsea boy, this year it was time to repent. In my mind and heart, I earned it.

The juicier post would be for me to go into some of the specifics but, sorry, let’s save the juice for a 3-day detox. Just trust me when I say that I had to get right with my maker, which may only be my conscience or Source energy loosely formed, I don’t know. Oh, to only know the secrets of the Universe. If you could, would you want to know? Or, just accept the mystery of it all?

I got down to atonement business at a service at the Javits Center run by a LBGTQIS(?) focused temple with a large following whose name escapes me. This, keeping with my theme of finding total acceptance of myself by hanging out with more and more gay, bisexual, transgendered, or questioning folks, and the people who love them. I’m not kidding. Some of my best friends in the world and closest family are gay and I Do Work in the Theaaaatre, but after I moved to Chelsea a month ago, which in case you don’t know is the heart of Manhattan’s gay community, I felt the real truth of the rainbow. Acceptance, baby!! And, truth be told, I have never been happier. After living on the Upper West Side for years, where I going to Fairway and seeing the endless array of bagel store bound families with baby carriages, I felt stifled and as out of place as I did when visiting that Conservative temple for a friend’s Bat Mitzvah and ashamed of my organ. Now I am happier than ever in my little downtown studio that may be noisy but is giving me my much needed, we're all good, breathing space.

It’s also nice because when I get the thought after a hot guy doesn’t check me out, Oh well, he’s probably gay, well, I’m probably right.

I am who I am. You are who you are. Be it. Bless it!!

Following the Kol Nidre service, which I honestly didn’t connect to as much as I would’ve hoped mainly because I found the operatic vocalists irritating and kind of halted at a line in the Reconstructionist text that said something to the effect of We reject the idea the Jews are the Chosen People (Come on, you're going to drop that, it's such a perk!), I went home.

I awoke Yom Kippur morning ready to go. My first stop was Grey Dog’s coffee (liquids were going to be okay for me, just no food) where I pulled out my laptop. No charge. Oops. No outlets, shit. Good thing I packed a notebook and pen. Guess I’m going old skool. Dear Higher Power, here is what I feel reaaaallllly bad about…

It all just flowed out of me and I found myself asking an unknown forgiver for forgiveness. Forgiveness for stuff I had done that was against my values, for thoughts and feelings I harbored that were rooted in excessive fear, doubt, anger, jealousy and anxiety. (Please forgive me for being human? Great, I’m confused.) I once read that when you harm the creation you are harming the creator. Whether that’s a Creator G-O-D or my parents, my ancestors, the energy of the divine, we are all connected. Hence, I started to feel that wherever I neglected myself, in some ways I neglected all of them, too. Us being all one and connected and stuff.

Then, I made a list of all the people and institutions that I felt anger, resentment, bitterness and judgment towards. Who and what did I need to forgive? Where am I holding a grudge? With whom do I got some kosher beef!?! Wouldn’t you know that list flowed out of me like the Nile. Some people believe that emotions when repressed, particularly anger and anxiety, manifest in physical ailments, from heart disease to back pain or migraines. The energy of the emotion finds it appearance in the physical. What was my body and heart telling me? That I was repressing a lot of feelings. I was pissed. So maybe it was time to LET GO.

I did. Mainly by writing, then by going to dance class with Patricia Moreno to shake it all out to J Lo’s new song, Papi. This was fast becoming Yom Kippur lite but I just knew I had a better chance of keeping my fast if I was out and about as opposed to sitting alone in my apartment. Hot. Then, it was off to a gathering with a theater company I’m in to go over some new short play submissions. (I’ll be directing the chosen ones for a staged reading on November 7th). Before I headed out for that gathering, I broke my fast by eating two apples with some hummus and a coconut water chaser but was grateful I at least I made it as far as I did -- 3 pm.

Progress not perfection, right?

Finally, it was time to meet my brother and friend at Lansky’s for a break fast dinner at sun almost down. First time in a while to do this having almost fasted and without my parents. I like that restaurant but because it got slammed around 7:30pm, our food was cold, late, and really not very tasty. Still, I managed to eat a ton, from the salty pickles and slaw to the roast turkey with gravy. I helped myself to my brother’s brisket, friend’s sweet potato fries and a full portion of my own sweet apple strudel dessert. WTF. I basically had to roll myself out of that restaurant to the nearest bodega for a roll of Tums. Not exactly how I wanted to end the day, this overeating to the point of a belly ache, which of course killed the happy, joyful blissful feeling I had going on from the high energy dance class, acting and, oh yeah, starving for 20 hours.

So, as I return to my normal life this morning, typing away on my shiny laptop at Grey Dog’s with a still queasy belly, body sore from dance class, and soul perhaps a bit freer thanks to yesterday’s reflections, my mixed foray into the holiest Jewish day now behind me and a new day ahead, I also return to the life I am doing my best to live and prefer. It is, among other things, one of balance.

No Loemann’s shopping style atonement, thanks, I will do mine in pieces and separates over time. No radical swings from starvation to gorging, I am back on a normal food plan without skipping meals. No long periods away from forgiving my self and the people in my life so that I have a backflow of resentment that portabella mushrooms out of proportion. I will go back to what I’ve learned in recovery, which is a daily inventory where I look at my thoughts, feelings and actions in the name of love not judgment, find forgiveness and let go.

No more excessive guilt that isn’t even warranted. Most of what I felt so bad about isn’t even that bad at all. It’s just very human. Imperfect. Part of growing up and earning your self-discovery and maturation badge…

Most importantly, what I hope so deeply for myself this coming year, is to treat myself with more love, self care, and compassion than ever before and to be stronger, happier and freer than the last 365. Because what I felt MOST guilty about as I wrote my letter to the Divine listener was not how I mistreated others in thoughts, words or deeds, although I definitely had some good material, but for not being a nicer human being to ME.

So, God, if you’re listening, just know that next year at this time there is a pretty good chance my atonement list will be a bit shorter, less interesting and more mild. It may even put you to sleep. Feel free to join me at Grey Dog’s in Chelsea for a strong coffee perk. Everybody is accepted here.

With love,
Lindsay

Single and Sensational YOU!

2011-10-04T10:40:00.007-04:00

Good afternoon! I could not be more excited to start teaching a 4 week intenSati class on Thursday nights (10/6, 10/13, 10/20, 10/27) in NYC which focuses on EMPOWERING women and men who are SINGLE! How did I come to this? Is it cliche to say it's a long story? :)

I grew up in a very suburban area of New York on Long Island called Plainview. Lots and lots of families, in tact marriages (until the kids went to college) and common assumptions that someone like me (a high achieving, personable, attractive and confident young woman) would grow up, become successful and get married to a great guy. I was never one to really fawn over bridal magazines or even give much attention or thought to whether I'd get married but I did think it would happen. I figured he'd be about 3 years older (just like my parents' age gap), tall, dark, smart, look great in a tuxedo and be a professional, probably a doctor, like me.

Career objective 1 (out of about 15) was to be a pediatrician who took care of babies not only in the Tri-State area but also in South Africa.

Anyway, I had a great boyfriend in high school but it didn't last beyond a semester or two into college. When I developed an eating disorder and depression/anxiety in college, my confidence in myself as a woman and faith in love went out the door. It really affected the guys I dated or hooked up with -- I DID NOT honor or take care of myself. When I was 160 pounds at my top weight (I'm 5'3") I was hanging out with a guy whose friends called him "The Prez" and me "Monica Lewinsky" thanks to that wonderful scandal. Then, when I was borderline anorexic and 108 pounds while working for New York Magazine and actually encountered Monica Lewinsky at a launch party for one of our issues, I realized my self esteem hadn't changed much at all. That was in 2001.

Time went on and with its passage, I started to recover and heal. As such, it was reflected in the bonds I formed. I dated some very interesting men. :) One became my first and only long-distance relationship and it was life changing. I mean, they are all life changing, but this one was very healing because of how compassionate and loving the man acted. After we stopped seeing each other, I felt like I lost a best friend and it was hard to move on again. Meanwhile, one after the other after the other of my friends were getting married and having babies. My age started climbing, some fear continued to build that I was going to get too old and while I was doing my best not to focus on the negative, I felt really bad about it!! Couldn't shake it. I didn't understand and took it very personally.

I started working some of that stuff out here on this blog, in therapy, through coaching and of course, in intenSati. intenSati is the practice created by Patricia Moreno which fuses positive affirmations with high energy fitness moves inspired by aerobics, martial arts, dance and yoga. It is like a positive keg of physical, emotional and spiritual dynamite hurled at your low feeilngs, limiting beliefs and blocks. It also opens your heart. BIG TIME. xo

I started to dream again but this time I didn't see the same conventional little vision of a 3 years older husband and kids before I'm 35. I was now an actress/performing artist, writer and fitness instructor. Definitely not your typical doctor/lawyer type. I work many hours, am in and out of full fledged creativity zones, use words like "Vortex" and "Blessed" and "Inspired" with frequency and regularity, share openly about a lot of things some would deem TMI and have huge dreams for myself and others.

While shopping with my mom last weekend on Long Island for my new apartment, I inspired the close-to-retirement-aged salesman at Jennifer's Convertibles to take an acting class (it's his childhood dream, he told me) and the Apple Store salesman to get his Personal Training certification (it's what he reaaaaally wants to do but was afraid the exam would be too hard, he told me).

Basically, I realized I do not want some of the things I thought I wanted just yet because I AM BUSY LIVING A PASSIONATE LIFE but at the same time, I do absolutely 100%want to meet my soulmate (Oh, yes, I believe in soulmates), get married and have babies down the road. Yettttt, however, big big big BUT, I knew on a gut level I did not really believe I can have it.

What?

Yup.

Didn't believe it. Didn't really feel in my heart of hearts that A. He is out there and B. I'm worthy of what I deeply desire. Didn't think I can handle it. Kids?! Don't have a plant. Sometimes you can see it for others but not ourselves. I can put all the faith in the world in someone else finding real love, witness them, be happy for my friends but not believe it for myself. Then, with that belief, I ended up settling for a two year effort to put a round peg into a square hole. You know, like playdoh. Awesome.

So, even as I was having breakthroughs on the career front, healing my body from a major surgery, dropping more emotional eating behaviors, really getting over the depression I thought I'd never be able to get over, and getting clear about what I definitely do desire, the one area that was eluding me was this one. This, Finding The One, one.

I had to really ask myself what else was going on here and why I was still feeling so shitty about being single. I realized THAT IS THE ANSWER. Becauuuuuuuuse I am feeling so shitty about being single and accepting it, committing to it, refusing to elt it go, I could not possibly land in a powerful, grateful, strong, independent and self loving place, FULLY.

It's not to blame myself for this but take responsibility for what I'm putting out into the world. What you focus on you get and that was my focus, being single sucks, so naturally I could not expect to feel good or act from a place of self love.

I am ready to change and THAT is why I started desiring leading a class that attacks this head on. For a few months I've been dreaming it up and thought I should wait but I need exactly the class I designed to get to the other side! I need it now. No more waiting.

With that, I am jumping into this month of self love to help shift Single and Stuck into Single and Sensational in myself and my students. I am not doing this to meet The One. I am not thinking about meeting anybody today! I am thinking about feeling good, upping the self care, increasing joy, letting go of past regret or pain or suffering, and realizing we are all born perfect and need to be reminded.

I can't wait to help fascilitate this process in my new students who I will meet on Thursday night. Will you join me?

If you want to take the class, spots are still open! All the details are as follows:

When: Thursday 10/6, 10/13, 10/20, 10/27
Time: 7:30pm-9:00pm
Location: Chelsea Studios (151 W. 26th Street between 6th and 7th)
Format: 4 weeks of intenSati classes under the theme "Single and Sensational" with a different focus each week. Week 1 Letting Go, Week 2 Empowered On Your Own, Week 3 Sexy and Free and Week 4 Manifesting Your Soulmate. Writing prompts, class discussion and guided meditation will make this the total package.
Cost: $100.00 for 4 classes. Payment plans available.

It is all about perspective and it is just no fun having a negative one about being single. You are worthy of the utmost love and care. Are you ready to be happy and commit to more love in your life then ever before? Are you?!?!?!

xo,
LBD

2011-10-01T08:22:00.002-04:00

Good morning! I really just wanted to post so I don't let having no Internet or computer become an excuse. That's right, as of 9pm last night, my 4 1/2 year old MAC laptop was confirmed to have a failed hard drive. What's coming next, wait for it, is that nothing was backed up.

Not my music, my photos, my writing, nothing. Careless? Reckless? Just a case of the 'it wouldn't happen to me?"s. All the above. I have to admit I think a part of me wanted to part with that writing. There were more pages of repetitive drivel and rants then I could count or consolidate. I kept thinking the pages would find their way into a book or something, but I think the deeper desire was to let the past die.

Which it did, technically, unless I want to pay someone at TEKSERVE for his/her data recovery efforts to salvage my past. May not be worth the efforts or money. I think the bulk of my writing between 2007 and today had themes centered around frustration with myself and others, desires for things which felt completely beyond me to have, imaginings of scenarios that were to me wild fantasies and for others part of a standard day in the life of a normal New Yorker, and the beginnings of poems or songs, which I will miss the most if I never get it back.

Like a lot of letting go lessons, this one happened suddenly. There was no real chance to say good bye, no lingering and lengthy deterioration until malfunctioning malaise of computer bits. Nope. One day me and my laptop were doing a pretty tango together, bonded by my memories, and the next day I'm dancing alone. (If I were on said laptop I'd link to Sting's song We Danced Alone but I'm finger tapping from my iPhone so that ain't happening.)

Nothing I wrote in those years I was battling heavy depression matter today. That is thr point. I think I've integrated the insights. Learned what I needed to learn. Said it all. Anything that could've been strong, publishable writing will hopefully come to me in a new form. It feels good to let go! There was a lot of pissy regret on that old laptop. A lot of anger and frustration with myself and others for all these unmet expectations.

Since my now defunct computer is going to be replaced, soon, I accept the lessons with gratitude. :) Yes. it is ok. I gratefully abandon even more of my emotional connection to challenging times I faced and am so relieved not to be there anymore. I can close my eyes and remember. I don't need my writing to take me there, certainly.

This morning, I affirm openings in your heart, soul and memory mind. If the chance to LET GO and come into this moment emerge, will you say YES or put up a fight? Whether it's a failed hard drive or another person's urgings that you just drop something and move on, will you listen?

"Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift and why it's called the present."

Best,
LBD

Fall into Gratitude

2011-09-16T08:24:00.002-04:00

GOOD MORNING, WORLD!

Amazing, isn't it, that with one internet post you can engage someone as far as Guam. It's been a WHILE since my last Lindspiration (Aug 23rd Phenomenal Woman. That's YOU.) and that's essentially because it's been a beast of a few weeks, which I mean in the most flattering of ways. Busy beyond belief with a LOT of change, personal and professional, geographic, mental, and behavioral. There's been a whole lotta shifting going on...

Just for a 4 Square inspired Where's Waldo ish check in, at this very moment I'm blogging from Chelsea Market outside of Amy's Bread and very close to 17th Street Equinox, where I just finished an amaaaaazing high cardio burn intenSati class with the amaaaaaaaazing Natalia Petrezela. Breakfast is fruit, egg whites (hard boiled) and some coffee with half and half (which I will never stop enjoying, ever. Don't take my half and half.) I have the day off of work at the BBC to complete my move to a new apartment just a few minutes walk from right here, in Chelsea. I slept there last night on an air mattress. Was it blissful? To some extent YES. But, alas, there were two minor issues. Numero uno -- I found a roach in my closet. My apartment is clean, freshly painted, and a nice building but, alas, there was a roach. I thought he was dead until I tried sweeping him up into a pan, then I realized he's just a good actor. So, I got some help to remove him from the premises but after 2 1/2 years without a bug of any variety in my last long term sublet, I was skeeved OUT. I'm told not to be. Ok, trying. Number two was the noise. I felt a bit like my bed was hovering like a UFO over the Long Island Expressway. Granted, when you're in a new place (and recently came across a critter) you might be heightened from a sensory perspective. I am also teaching active listening this month so, well, I heard every rumble! I'm okay knowing I will adjust. And buy earplugs. Maybe noise canceling headphones.

I even took this as a chance to just practice an intenSati affirmation, I am strong now, which loosely translates into, Little mfer roach, I defeat you. Or, my Buddhist teachings, I have compassion for you, my friend. We are one. Then, my faith in an all knowing presence and Judeo Christian heritage. Thank you God for sending a lone mfer roach, for the reminder I am never alone. Please let him be the first and last reminder! I'll be good.

Back to the update. So, there is LOTS to share! From an intenSati standpoint, the summer's been incredible for my teaching intenSati in Central Park. So many new students became involved, some brand new to the practice itself. I just felt complete bliss and gratitude each and every week, which is pretty amazing if you ask me. I did two special events for BeFIT NYC which were both so much fun. I am 100% sure I get as much out of teaching this class as my students get from taking it, so it is just such a beautiful exchange. For those interested in taking class, I am teaching at least through Saturday, October 1st and possibly longer. We'll see how the weather is treating us.

I am starting a 4 week intenSati class on Thursday nights (Oct 6, 13, 20, 27) from 7pm-8:30pm called SINGLE and SENSATIONAL. The series I will design and teach is meant specifically to empower anybody who is single and ready to feel, well, sensational!!!! We will also spend some time after class in discussions which focus on letting go, moving on, and building emotional strength, confidence and joy. We will get VERY CLEAR on what we desire and really DESERVE when it comes to LOVE, a life partner, dating, sex, the whole gamut. Class is $100 for four weeks, so please email lindspiration@gmail.com if you're interested and share this with your single friends who are desiring this experience and transformation.

On the writing front, today is a very exciting day. An article I wrote for the BBC that I pitched before and wrote right after my trip to Italy is going up TODAY on BBC.com/travel. It's a piece about Tuscany's literary heritage and I am really, really proud of the result. A lot of research and time went into it and it's my first travel piece. I'm very grateful and hope you check it out sometime. I'm also lining up two projects for myself -- the first, an adaptation of my short play into a screenplay and the second, a full length screenplay based on an idea I had a few weeks ago that feels like it is just IT. I can't wait to get cracking on both.

In the acting world, I am a proud new member of the theater company TICKET 2 ETERNITY and for the last month or so, I've been preparing for our upcoming showcase called Disjointed Love Shorts. We open 9/22 and perform over 4 days. Two performances each day and I'm in one play for the earlier performance and two plays for the late show (if you consider 9pm late, which I do, honestly). Get your tickets here! Once again, the rehearsal, learning process has been nothing short of VERY challenging for me. I think it is a time factor (not having much, as you can tell by now) but also I am just more self conscious than most I think until I feel completely comfortable and connected to what I'm doing, which takes time for me. I like a lot of rehearsal. I wish we had two more months but we have 6 more days. I also hang onto this belief that people would rather look at someone else in the role than me --someone more beautiful and more talented, basically. The other limiting belief I cling to is that people won't get that I'm acting not "being myself" and how much goes into what we do, the preparation, etc. I also find bad acting excrutiating, so if I feel myself slipping into habits and not doing a good job, I get very hard on myself. I share this all to say that it's really possible to have a PASSION for something, which I most definitely do, and to be quite good, which I know by now that I AM, but get so TRIPPED UP in your thinking that your performance suffers. I want to put forth HOPE here and CREATE POSSIBILITY (love that term, I think it's Landmark talk) that all you need to do is be aware, intend a shift, become willing to let go and DO THE BEST YOU CAN. Keep showing up.

So, as we enter the fall season (NYC is brisk and beautiful today!), I can truly say that I am so grateful for my life. I am grateful for my parents, who I just finished living with for 6 weeks in the most peaceful way we've ever shared. They are my unwavering supporters and champions for my health, happiness, success and joy. I am grateful for my brother. I am grateful for my amazing Uncle Joel and partner Vidur. I am grateful for my intenSati students who are friends and inspirations to me. I am grateful for my coworkers and colleagues past and present. I am grateful for my body, which is not healed to perfection but is better than it's been in a long time. I am grateful for New York City and for my keen awareness that despite some noise, shitty air and the presence of God's least attractive critters, it really is the greatest city in the world. I am grateful for music and theater and dance, storytelling, poetry, silly works of fiction, serious works of literary greatness, and everything in between. I am even grateful for the eating disorder I developed in college because it became my greatest challenge and teacher -- facing it, growing and healing in recovery has taught me so much about what WORKS and what DOESN'T and put me in a unique position to really help others and inspire positive change. I am grateful that I am grateful and for gratitude lists, one of which you're reading now, oh yes. I invite YOU to make your own!

Warning: Side effects of doing a gratitude list might be a bubbling sense of joy in your heart or tingling sensation in your gut that in no way, shape or form resembles reflux.

Thank you for reading and I hope you have a beautiful day. Drop me a line anytime at lindspiration@gmail.com.

Cheers!

Lindsay

Phenomenal Woman. That's You.

2011-08-23T07:55:00.010-04:00

Good morning,

Each day is a new beginning. An opportunity to regroup. Start over. Take a step in a new and different direction.

The only thing that really keeps us from knowing what we want is denying the impulses which clearly instruct. So, stay as connected to your gut intuition as possible. Indecision, in some instances, is just a defense mechanism.

I spent two years seeing a man who did not want the same things as me. We didn't share the same long term goals. We didn't even share more than a few same short term ones, actually. The things we did have in common and want were only sustaining me for a little while at a time, so I was constantly left wanting and needing more. Yet, rather than allow myself to consistently live in the truth of how I felt, I often found myself saying "I don't know. Maybe I do want this right now and I don't need more. That other stuff I can have later." I went back and forth so many times, like a candle in the wind (thanks, Elton).

The knowing and the doing don't arrive at the same time. For a while, I started to know the truth. I knew I needed more. That this wasn't working. Did I change my behavior? Only a little at a time.

The biggest fear I had was to be alone and feel a painful, unfulfilled longing to find real love. I never thought I would be the kind of person who would rather be in something than nothing. Or, to be someone who would stubbornly try to fix, mold and change the something into the thing, the one, I am seeking. As if a person is an art project. Or a relationship a construction site.

I like that the world gives us circumstances and events that prompt us to move more confidently in the direction of our dreams. Last Saturday, following my Central Park intenSati class, a woman who was joining us for the potluck picnic portion of the morning showed up with the most precious bundle of 5 mos old joy I think I've ever seen. Can't remember the last time I've seen, held, cooed over, laughed and cuddled with such a cute baby!! As I held her in my 34 year old arms, I really felt myself come alive inside in a very specific way that I don't usually feel. Definitely different than other kinds of joy.

Do you have a vision of love (thanks, Mariah)? I do. I think underneath it all I've kept the faith even though at times I've felt like I lost it, that beautiful vision. It takes a certain strength to go with the ups and downs of being single. Meeting people who seem promising but don't come through as you want, finding ones who do but lack certain key qualities you can't live without, embracing more alone time than you thought you could stand (and sometimes actually liking it), discovering what really makes you tick and come alive in love, intimacy and the like. Feeling the fear of time moving too quickly and accepting powerlessness over the passage. Or, becoming so grateful for how life is going that the fear's being snuffed out. It definitely takes a certain strength to do this all gracefully and without hardening.

I smile at my experiences now. I greet them, all my memories, the people I've known and the places I've been in the name of love (thanks, Bono). I think I've always attracted into my life what I was ready for and what I felt I could handle. There have been so many surprises.

Ending with a poem seems a little cliche at this moment but I love this one by Maya Angelou so much and want to share it with all the phenomenal women out there in the world. Listen to her reciting it here and enjoy this gorgeous poem in its entirety:

PHENOMENAL WOMAN
By: Maya Angelou

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I'm telling lies.
I say,
It's in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.
I say,
It's the fire in my eyes,
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can't touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them
They say they still can't see.
I say,
It's the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Now you understand
Just why my head's not bowed.
I don't shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It's in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
the palm of my hand,
The need of my care.
'Cause I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Peace, xo

What Motivates You?

2011-08-21T09:42:00.010-04:00

Good morning! I just got back from such a great spin class at Equinox in Woodbury. At 8AM, on a Sunday, almost all the bikes were taken. My mind was drifting a little at first and so was my gaze over into the cardio room, which was also PACKED. At 8AM. On a Sunday!

I had to laugh when the spin teacher pushed us to work harder so we can enjoy a margarita or two on the beach later in the day. As soon as he said that, the entire class took it up like 5 notches. :) For him and those like-minded beach and drink dwellers (LI has great beaches, if you've never been. Not just the Hamptons, either. Bayville. Long Beach. Nice!), the more calories you burn, the more you can enjoy your indulgences. No guilt. No margarita belly.

For me this morning, the motivation was a little different. I wanted to clear my head. I wanted a great sweat. I definitely wanted to burn some calories and feel the endorphins racing through my body. Strengthening my calves, quads and hamstrings, as well as my core and lower back, was on my mind as well. Then there's a situation I'm contemplating that involves making a decision. I really wanted to get out of my head and into my body more. The spin class was the perfect fix. All of that played into my motivation.

The rest of today, on this lazy, hazy summer Sunday in August, all I wanna do is be, well, lazy and hazy. I'd love to do a whole lotta nothing. Just sit and drink iced tea, read a novel, perhaps chat on the phone with a friend or two. That's not on the agenda, though, since I have about 4 or 5 work and home related things to do that really need to get done today.

The only thing that will motivate me is the desired result. I want the results of learning my lines for a show. I want to clean out the garage and organize the clothes that came from my last apartment back to LI with me before I move into my new one next month. I want those results, even as I feel the resistance to the heavy lifting.

So, maybe if you're feeling a little summer kick back lack of motivation today but you've got some stuff that you'll feel much better getting done, you can figure out what motivates you. Whether it's putting your resume together as STEP 1 of your job search, going to the supermarket and buying all those healthy vegetables, protein and fruits you need for the week (oops, have to add that to my to do list!), working out for the first time in a week, writing 5 pages of that novel you know is in you, or finally having that conversation with a significant other you've been avoiding so it stops weighing on both of you and the air is clear, maybe you can just connect to what you want to get out of the experience, the result you want, and START.

One more thing. If the project is large, just break it down into chunks. Pages instead of a whole script. A bag of clothing to go through one at a time. A single idea you want to get across or that one character you are ready to create. Think of each project as a serving, a portion, a little 100 calorie snack packs that is portioned out just for you (talk about a marketing concept). The name of the game is to avoid feeling overwhelmed, since that is what so often contributes to procrastination.

That's all. Just keep it simple.

Simplicity is key
to your happy destiny.

Best,
Lindsay

Life as a Tuscan Meal

2011-08-14T09:36:00.014-04:00

Good morning! It's been over a month since my last post. I hope you are well and enjoying your summer! I miss blogging but definitely needed this break. I've been busy with an incredible, life changing trip to Italy, a move from NYC back to Long Island and ongoing apartment search, a triple header writing/acting/directing gig for a staged reading with Ticket 2 Eternity productions, a travel article for the BBC, my fitness classes, physical therapy and my full time job.

Can we say full plate? In Italian that's piastra completa!! My life is abundant in a way that feels beyond my wildest dreams. For the most part, I am not even stressing over this full plate. I am rejoicing in it! My relationships with friends, family, coworkers, students, teachers and my hometown of NYC have been deepening over time and noticeably more so since my trip. A little distance created a lot of appreciation, I guess. I feel such love and gratitude as well as enormous affirmation that the work I've been doing for years is really paying off.

I am writing this post from my parents' living room. It's pouring rain on Long Island today and the perfect, cozy Sunday morning for a short Lindspiration. So, building on this idea of a full plate, I invite you to think about what is on your plate right now. What is nourishing you? What junk food can be pushed aside and removed? Any delicious special treats on your plate that you are deeply appreciating?

I can't resist -- OK, in Tuscany, I had these grilled vegetables with ricotta and fresh honey in San Gimignano that were the most deliciously prepared and tasting foods I've ever had in my life. There was fish, too. This INCREDIBLE white fish, lightly browned, that went with the grilled vegetables and sat on top of this precious pomodoro sauce made with dancing tomatoes. Yes, I said dancing. All enclosed by a circle of balsamic glaze. The restaurant was inside the Hotel Bel Soggiorno. Then, in Siena, at the Kopa Kabana (funny name, I know) Gelateria I had fig ricotta gelato made with the freshest ingredients that I still think about. BEYOND AMAZING! Photos included (but slightly irritatingly placed up top - I really need to change over to Word Press). :)

My dear friend and coach/yoga teacher/intenSati leader/author, Emiliya Zhivotovskaya, founder of Flourish Inc., wrote an article about her recovery from an eating disorder. Something that really helped her is the practice of savoring. That is, slowly, patiently, and with total PRESENCE appreciating food, which is, of course, a way to appreciate every moment. Read about her process here.

There are so many ways to effectively slow down without compromising your pace and positive momentum behind your action steps. When you delight in the present moment and savor your life, the only way you can feel is full.

Feel free to share with me what is on your plate that you love and what is on your plate that you're ready to toss aside. Why not go for what delights, excites, nourishes, and pleases you, your life as a real Tuscan meal?

With love,
Lindsay

Going Inward Precedes Going Forward

2011-07-12T08:04:00.008-04:00

Good morning! About 8 years ago, one of my most special teachers gave me a book called THIS TIME I DANCE by Tama Kieves. The writer is a Harvard Law School educated corporate lawyer who gives up her unsatisfying, stressed out work life to go on a soul searching quest to find passion, meaningful work, authenticity and purpose in her life. Think of it as EAT PRAY LOVE by a woman oppressed less by the burden of heartbreak and a broken marriage than by a stifling, unspiritual career who gets her groove back in Denver, CO as opposed to Italy, India or Bali.

Cut to 2011 and Tama Kieves is a thriving writer, life coach and all around content woman who has come into her own, discovered her voice and has a great following on Facebook. I don't mean to sound trite at all -- she is awesome and I love her newsletters. I eagerly await her second book currently in the works and one day I do want to take a weekend workshop she teaches at Omega or Kripalu.

Her newsletter this morning with the essay "Why Does it Take So Long to Succeed?" really spoke to me. After going through a funny litany of possible "reasons" she may only now (I think she's in her 40s) be living this life of purpose she loves, including "maybe I just didn't go to the right peak performance work shop, therapist or energy healer...maybe I should've visited Israel..." she comes to this:

There is a divine appointment---a time when you finally stop searching for your truth, and you start cherishing your truth instead. My success took me the exact amount of time it took for me to trust myself, to trust my essence, to trust this Presence, this other realm and momentum of ease and goodness you never see on the evening news.

I LOVE THIS PASSAGE! Don't you? When you stop searching and start EMBRACING your truth, ahhh. So, as I go into my day today, I will be doing a little reflecting (in between a lot of prepping and packing - 24 hours until ITALY, yippeee!) about the TRUTH in me of which I am consciously aware, the aspects of myself which I have yet to cherish.

I'll start with that epic poem I wrote yesterday. :) About 120 people have read that ditty and I have to say, I give myself props for posting it unedited and without knowing if it's a "good" poem. Who cares. It's an expression of my creativity. Yes, my creative mind and heart is a truth of myself to cherish.

As a writer, I want to tell stories and I want to write what I see, hear, feel and touch, not to mention what touches me, and I realize that in order to create more opportunities in this world to write professionally, it starts with cherishing myself. I surrender to that aspect of myself and let go of beliefs which used to try and convince me that I am not a real writer since I didn't spend my childhood years in fairy tales, books, dreamscapes and pink. Truth be told, I was too busy playing sports and getting dirty! I loved and thrived at science and math. I only really learned to read (and by that I mean appreciate, analyze and and write about great works of literature) when I was in college. I was late coming around to the power of the word, I guess, and I don't think I wanted to write until I had more to say or more relief to find from a lot of discomfort. The need created the outlet.

I urge you to embrace your truth today. Celebrate in the best way you see fit! I changed my Facebook work profile to "freelance writer" so now that is the first thing I see on that page. That's what I'm talking about...

Going inward precedes going forward.

I am ending with an intention:

I continue to surrender and let go of anything that keeps me from living my most inspired, passionate life now. I am a writer. I am a thinker. I belong in an environment that supports my creativity, intellectual fulfillment and growth. As I uncover the truth of who I am, life becomes a simpler journey. I am here to please no one but myself. By going inward I AM going forward, which I relish, since stagnancy and staleness is old. I live to grow into the truest expression of myself.

Finito! Andiamo!

Enjoy your day,
Lindsay

Oh, Heart (a poem)

2011-07-10T08:52:00.005-04:00

Dear readers, I wrote this poem "Oh, Heart" this morning and am opting to post it here in its entirety, unedited. I don't know if it's done or not. I hope you enjoy it and please remember I am a CREATIVE writer. That's all I'll say. Enjoy! :) L

Oh, heart
that I can be content, grateful and appreciative
for life
for breath, for love
and yet crave so much more
craving sounds primitive
banal
sick sounds
like more would never be enough
but it would be.

It would be.

To wake up in the safe
arms of my beloved
to age gracefully in his presence
adorned

to savor the taste of your tender lips
the feel of your stare
with ease, my heart and body can't
stand to be alone, the fortune
of my life seeks ways to be doubled
and shared.

Hearts pump and beat to give life to ourselves
but also to another and mine
is broken no more
it is only waiting, the pause between beats
the flutter of a valve entering
chambers of new wonders
new tastes

my explorer heart eager to love a new hillside
a new olive branch
a family of strangers in peace

my peaceful heart
eager to escape cacophony and discord
pollution and dead ends
the rush
sneak attacks and circles of danger
swirling around and behind my back.

My heart no longer knows envy
as much
besides the knowing that
every breath I take is a moment of grace
it is too busy giving me life!

And I am taking it.

Yet, it longs for ROMANCE
it longs for the beauty beneath the surface and spectacle,
it longs to love another man and a son, perhaps a daughter
to wrap a family in an embrace that will never be laced with poison.

No need to psycho babble the tikun
the correction
no need to pry open closed
doors to rooms which held nightmares
no need to go back
and forth.

We capture pictures through a lens
to save beauty and reflect it
back unto us
to give someone else a gift
almost as good as being there itself
the promise and allure
of greater days
a softer look on the face
a slimmer physique
a passport adventure to someplace luxurious, precious, new
we offer it up for grabs like flowers
magenta in a pot
like the sounds of three birds chirping
a traveling trio.

Whatever can feel the
whatever can feel
whatever can fill the
tributaries of the beating heart with love
is good.

And that heart of more which longs for that man
my son
that heart which carries
the pain of the past
guilt, anger, rage
at myself for breaking a bond
breaking a pact
between me and my God
who gifted me with my life only so that I can tear up my body
erode my mind
abuse myself
lose my serenity, sanity and balance

or was it god that gifted me my disturbances so
I can find him
for my healing

ah, that feels right.

As my trio of chirping birdies
gets louder in agreement
life being all it is
destruction death suffering
creating the need for
rebuilding, new life, healing
that I may know both, fully.

So perhaps this trip
this upcoming trip I will take in 3 days
this dream come true passage
voyage
to a land of enchantment
Rome
Tuscany
from my Manhattan to the "Medieval Manhattan"
San Gimignano
if all goes well
safely, I mean
I ask, beg, plead
that this be a turning point for me

that the fruits
olives
vineyards
fresh air
energy
magic
history
power
of Renaissance Italy
fill my heart and soul
quench my thirst
symbolize and nurture my return to
land, abundance, LOVE

that I enter a new phase of life
where my barren body becomes ripe
and ready for motherhood
my mind releases from trance and returns to
its power and intelligence
that my body heals fully, moves
into a more feminine place
soft, flexible, pliable and lean

that dreams come true for me and new ones form
the ones meant to last stay
while those meant to be released
find their way
out of my spirit and into the atmosphere.

Oh, heart.

How I long and seek to make you happy
by gazing straight into the beauty of the sea
the countryside
the eyes of a beloved
unafraid to inhabit the beauty
being reflected back to me.

For I am that.

~lbd

On Passports and Patience

2011-07-08T06:50:00.008-04:00

Buongiorno!!

So. I am scheduled to go to Rome and Tuscany on Wednesday. Rome first. Then Tuscany. It's a vacation with a friend that's been a few months in the making and it's finally (almost) here!!

There is, however, a glitch. My passport hasn't arrived yet.

I will spare you the nitty gritty except to say that if you were ever wondering if an expired driver's license works as proof of identification, it doesn't. And if you were ever wondering if the gentleman who works the passport station at the Rock Center Post Office knows policy through and through, he doesn't. I was ill-advised that a signed affidavit would be sufficient to prove identity in lieu of the license being a week out of date.

It wasn't.

So, I went to the DMV, renewed my license, and sent it to the passport center along with every proof of identification I own, short of a small vile of blood. Sorry, gross. Now, with just a few days until my trip, the passport's being processed but still hasn't been mailed yet.

Enter my fear based machina:

Your trip is going to be foiled, principessa!!! Call and email the passport customer service line multiple times a day and go to battle like a Roman with each one who has less information than the one you spoke to previously. Obsess, worry, be angry, do whatever emotional rain dance you have to do, update your FB status so 1100 people can say a collective prayer for you, lose your serenity!

Enter my higher self:

What a great way to learn patience. Doing the footwork every day. Calling the Passport Center. Checking in. Then, letting it go since you are POWERLESS right now and can only practice PATIENCE. Your FAITH is being tested. Just trust. They have your travel date marked. You've done all you can do. It's being expedited. LET GO.

Higher Self wisdom is on point but this is not easy to do. I know I have a last resort - a Monday morning visit to the regional passport office down on Hudson street with my proof of travel. If my passport doesn't arrive today or Saturday that's the next step. I will get my passport. However, this is kicking up a lot of feelings for me and really testing my trust muscle.

Sometimes you're just in a holding pattern and there is nothing left to do but let go and surrender. This month I am teaching and practicing the affirmation, "I surrender to a power that is greater than myself for guidance, strength and anything else." Well, here we are -- it's time to surrender. The big Ask this time isn't for the passport, but the patience and peace I want to maintain while I wait...

but tossing up a prayer to the Patron Saint of Passports can't hurt, right?! Come onnnn!

How often do things work out for people and then you hear them say, "If only I didn't spend so much time fussing and worrying while the process was underway. Oh, if I knew it was going to all work out, I wouldn't have worried!"

Let me say that again.

How often do you hear a newly married person who meets their beloved a little later than first round 20-somethings say they wish they didn't spent all their single years fussing. Or, someone who survives an illness express that they could've been more at peace while healing and recovering instead of projecting so many worse case scenarios.

So, the key is to be in a place of Knowing that it really is all working out so there really is no legitimate reason to lose precious serenity over this process.

So, I shift myself by choosing a different lens through which to look at my circumstances. I return to my heart center and feel my anticipation return, excitement, thinking of how I wept while reading my first Italy guidebook! Wept. Because traveling to Italy is a dream come true and feels like it's happening at EXACTLY the right time. AHH!

I know I will be moved beyond my conscious comprehension -- the beauty, the art, the language (calling up my 3 semesters of college Italian, andiamo!), the people, the food, the distance from here...good bye Duane Reade, hello Duomo! (Seriously, when Duane Read became like a full service supermarket instead of a just a drug store, I thought to myself, why is this the greatest proof I can find of NYC's evolution. Where else are we changing as a city? Why is Duane Read everywhere and how come it feels the need to sell sandwiches and fruit. I don't get it.)

So, I will patiently wait another day today for my passport. I will also let myself enjoy the planning of this trip, imagining our drives through the breathtaking Tuscan countryside and clearing whatever fear I feel in favor of openness to this experience, the experience of Itaaaaaly, of art and of poetry, ahhhh, poetry...

S'amor non è, che dunque è quel ch'io sento?
Ma s'egli è amor, perdio, che cosa et quale?
Se bona, onde l'effecto aspro mortale?
Se ria, onde sí dolce ogni tormento?

What do I feel if this is not love?
But if it is love, God, what thing is this?
If good, why this effect: bitter, mortal?
If bad, then why is every suffering sweet?

S'a mia voglia ardo, onde 'l pianto e lamento?
S'a mal mio grado, il lamentar che vale?
O viva morte, o dilectoso male,
come puoi tanto in me, s'io no 'l consento?

If I desire to burn, why tears and grief?
If my state's evil, what's the use of grieving?
O living death, O delightful evil,
how can you be in me so, if I do not consent?

Et s'io 'l consento, a gran torto mi doglio.
Fra sí contrari vènti in frale barca
mi trovo in alto mar senza governo,

And if I consent, I am greatly wrong in sorrowing.
Among conflicting winds in a frail boat
I find myself on the deep sea without a helm,

sí lieve di saver, d'error sí carca
ch'i' medesmo non so quel ch'io mi voglio,
et tremo a mezza state, ardendo il verno.

so light in knowledge, so laden with error,
that I do not know what I wish myself,
and tremble in midsummer, burn in winter.

-Petrarch

Best,
Lindsay

Specificity and Self Excavation

2011-07-03T06:49:00.010-04:00

Good morning! Check out this photo from yesterday's intenSati class in Central Park. :) We had a fantastic turnout, which delighted and surprised me, seeing as it's a holiday weekend. Since one of my affirmations this month is "I let go of expectations" (done with the intenSati action for DETACHMENT) I approached class as a chance to practice letting go of who or how many students would show up. The result was each one who appeared felt like such a gift.

I was thinking about how specific we are as human beings, which is something my acting coach used to remind us when it came to building a character. There are just so many, many preferences that we form over our lifetimes that make us individuals. The quirks. The Sally-like moments of, I'd like the pie heated and I don't want the ice cream on top, I want it on the side. One person's pet peeves are another person's point of entry to inspiration.

For me, I just love teaching this specific fitness practice (intenSati) outdoors in Central Park to a medium sized group of grateful students for free. :) It makes me feel so good. So happy. I am amazed by how much it lights myself and others up so consistently, this very specific little gig.

I'm giving myself permission this month to free myself from what has become the burden of figuring out what I want to pursue career wise. I am letting go of an expectation to fully understand whether my latest mixed emotions about pursuing the acting is simply fear or a sign I'd rather be doing something else. I am accepting that lately my mind's been feeling like a Cuisinart blender just trying to mix, chop, and puree the possibilities for work and my future without a clear result. In other words, I am done trying. I am officially, for this month, on vacation.

When I used to think about what I wanted to be when I grow up, things were a lot different. The internet didn't really exist when I was in high school (it existed but hadn't yet reached the mainstream). "Social" and "media" were not two words that you saw side by side. I could tell you about my Slambook but not Facebook. To work in publishing meant magazines (my first real job out of Cornell was at New York Magazine in the Information Services Department. The NYMag website was just being built.). A writer was a writer, not a blogger. Traffic was something to avoid and complain about (I grew up on Long Island. Shout out to 495 and the Northern State.) not intend (Ooh, how many page views on my blog this week!?).

Life vocation indecision in your 30s feels like being lost in the aisles of Toys R Us while thinking, Aren't I too old to be in Toys R Us in the first place? There are a few exciting toys to choose from as well as a racket of children's whiney voices in the background.

Be an actor. No, don't.

You're a writer. Write.

Be a therapist.

Teach more intenSati classes.

Help people now!

Make more money and then you'll be happier.

Then it changes tense...

I wanna to go to grad school.

I wanna take a long break from this life and just shack up in the woods somewhere to write for 3 months.

I wanna help people.

I wanna be an artist. Music, dance, poetry, prose.

Oh, what is with you, grow up.

More ways, more toys, oh, boy!

Make. A. Decision.

Or, you'll just remain a Toys R Us kid!

Of course, I can and will do my best to reframe having more than a few interests and aptitudes into a gift and a blessing. I can choose to think that they all serve me and are helping me serve others, which is ultimately what we're doing in our lives, no matter what we choose or chooses us, right?

I just finished listening to Derek Sivers' (founder of CDBaby.com) new book Anything You Want: 40 Lessons for a New Kind Entrepreneur and highly recommend it. He is quite the free bird. I love this:

No matter which goal you choose, just pay close attention to what excites you and what drains you. To when you're being the real you or trying to impress an invisible jury. Whatever you make is your creation so make it your personal dream come true.

That is how I feel I will be happiest. Making my own creations. Being the real me. I can write another whole post on roles I play which are not part of a literal work of theater but in my mind feel like something to which I can sell tickets. It's not about being fake, per se. It is a little hard to explain. Social conditioning, external expectations, my own fear of being myself, people's vested interests in having, seeing, wanting you to be a certain way -- these are powerful forces. I'm probably not alone here in feeling a bit persuaded to adjust to expectations and/or perform. It's okay. It happens. Compassion.

I am reminded again in this moment how inspired I am by people who have managed to discover who they really are and free themselves. Those who have defied external trappings or rules that hinder creativity, authenticity, clear thinking, impulses, and curiosity in favor of being real. I am grateful for having moments and experiences like this in my own life, too, even as I work on allowing a complete self excavation.

And I'm sure that Toys R Us metaphor is not a coincidence. There is a reason the wish or the fantasy is to be a kid. Young children and authentic adults dwell in courageous territory. Moments of genuine expression and authenticity are magical. I will be on the lookout for them in myself and others.

Please comment and share your thoughts on these subjects. I would love to hear from you if you're so inclined!!

Bye,

Lindsay

Greater Freedom and Happiness? Yes, Thank You!

2011-07-02T06:54:00.013-04:00

Good morning!

I was sitting in a group last night and heard a woman speak about an "assignment" she received from her therapist to start using positive affirmations. She's dealing with chronic pain related to an illness from about 5 years ago and has been advised that her healing is slowing down due to something she can influence -- her attitude.

Listening to the woman speak about the affirmations -- she's cynical, she doesn't believe in them, it feels hokey, she'll do it but doesn't want to -- was fascinating for me because it reminded me where I was before I started practicing and teaching intenSati (the fitness practice created by Patricia Moreno which combines high cardio aerobics, dance, martial arts and yoga with, you guessed it, positive affirmations). I didn't so much as doubt their efficacy as much as I was very challenged by this question of whether or not I was being inauthentic when I would say them but not believe them. To shout, "I believe I will succeed!" or "I have a dream and it's all working out!" when I truly did not think I would or it is on any number of topics, from healing injuries to being a talented artist, from falling in love with The One to recovering from an eating disorder, I just wondered if I was doing my psyche and spirit any good at all.

As I am still in the process for all the aforementioned, sometimes I still wonder! Sometimes my attitude sucks, too, and I really just want to stop having to take the actions that help me the most. I begin to ask myself, Wouldn't I be better off just carrying around the weight of feeling like I wouldn't succeed, waiting until I somehow felt like I would, and then start saying affirmations only when they feel like truth? Also, if I didn't feel happy and free, did it mean that I wasn't doing this right? Exactly what was/is supposed to happen here with respect to my moods, actions and overall well being?

Ok, that's a question with a lot of answers but in the interest of time, I'll share briefly that what I've arrived at after a few years is that practicing affirmations in general and intenSati in particular is very powerful and it works! Thinking more positively gives me hope and inspiration. Affirming an attitude like confidence and strength DOES help me build confidence and strength. I don't rely on it exclusively, this thinking my way into feeling better and taking really productive, healthy and powerful actions, because the converse is also true, so I do that as well. "Acting my way into right thinking," is also incredibly effective. I may not believe I will succeed but I do whatever it is, I take the actions, and all of a sudden, when it's over, I have more confidence. The affirmation helps but doing the work is essential. Together. Both work. It's a perfect combination.

We are meant to have a full range of feelings and be human beings but I think the key here is that saying about pain being a part of life but suffering is optional. For me, this is a game of recognizing where I am creating suffering in my own life and learning to release it to the wind.

Which leads me to this month's intenSati series, which I wrote yesterday in the shower after physical therapy. I've got to say, I absolutely love this one! I think it's about reducing ego in order to find freedom and happiness. There is so much gratitude in it -- gratitude for this moment. It also feels like a love letter to Source energy, since so much of it is about how to relate to a power greater than yourself. If you're not spiritual and this sounds a little funky to you, I suggest what recovery programs suggest, which is just to think of any "power" greater than you, be it a group, love, nature or a collective of ideas.

There is one line about releasing expectations. This is a huge one for me, inspired by Leo Barbuta's post in ZEN HABITS about tossing expectations into the ocean. I've been trying this as of late and it is absolutely FREEING. To just go about my day either mindfully observing when I'm having expectations (step 1) or effectively releasing them (ahhhhh) results in my feeling surprised and delighted by so many gifts, not to mention less irritated when things don't "go my way", since I wasn't so vested in a result in the first place. It's not to say I don't have desires but desires are different than expectations. More to come on that and certainly comment below on this or anything else I've brought up, as I'd love to hear your thoughts!

Another aspect of the series is surrendering and cultivating your intuition (I don't say that but it's implied) for guidance and direction. Big, big, big one for me, as I am really learning how to partner up with Source energy when it comes to making decisions. I know a lot of us have choices to make each day and we struggle -- am I making the right decision? what do I really want? -- then we get all twisted up in our thinking. I've found when I ask for direction I am led. Things just become clear and I intuitively know what to do. It's amazing.

Also, I am super super into mindfulness, this practice of observing exactly what is going on inside you and around you, without trying to change or force anything other than what is. It really does take practice to see where you're distorting reality. So, while doing the kind of "thinking" we do with intenSati and positive affirmations, I think the key is to be present to yourself while you say the words and do the exercises, observing without judgment how it feels and what comes up for you. It's almost like dipping your bare feet in a pool and feeling the sensation on your toes with complete presence. From there you can inch your feet in deeper or pull back, but either choice you're doing is done with mindfulness and intention. Just be with what comes up.

Without further explanation, here is this month's series. I hope to see you in class! I'll be teaching class in Central Park three Saturdays this month (7/16 and 7/23 I'll be on vacation but there will be subs, more to come) and I am subbing at Equinox for Natalia on 7/27 (that's Wednesday morning at 6:30AM, Chelsea Equinox). Message me for more info.

Thanks and have an amazing, fun, freedom filled JULY 4th Weekend!

Here's the series. :) Almost forgot.

I AM FREE (Free)

THERE'S HAPPINESS IN ME (Happy)

I LET GO OF EXPECTATION (Detach)

I FIND INSPIRATION (Inspiration)

MY ENERGY IS UP (Energy/Great)

MY CONFIDENCE HAS GROWN (Confidence)

I ASK FOR DIRECTION (Desire)

I TRUST AND I AM SHOWN (Commitment)

I APPRECIATE THE MOMENT (Appreciation)

I AM GRATEFUL FOR THIS (Gratitude)

MY HEART IS FULL OF LOVE (Love)

MY LIFE'S TOO GOOD TO MISS (Celebrate)

I SURRENDER (Surrender) TO A POWER (Positive Expectation) THAT IS GREATER THAN MYSELF (Gratitude) FOR GUIDANCE (Intention), STRENGTH (Strong), and ANYTHING ELSE (Energy).

See you in class. And here on my blog, which you can definitely feel free to share with friends, Tweet, post on Facebook or distribute to anybody who can use a lift or a little inspiration!

Thanks!! Bye......

Best,

Lindsay

Be Open to Inspiration

2011-06-30T06:43:00.008-04:00

Good morning!

I was walking home from work last night on the way to yoga and I took a stroll through Central Park. I came across 3 of my fellow intenSati leaders teaching classes and it was so inspiring to see! I felt so open and connected to nature. The air and sun in perfect balance. Noises pleasant but not overwhelming. I felt I can run, skip and dance (which I did, while still in my work clothes, right into one of the intenSati classes. SO fun!).

When you think about it, life is really giving you opportunities every day, minute and moment to choose inspiration or deflation.

Let's start with deflation. Everybody knows what it's like to feel a sense of loss. As if the wind is not gathering to move your sails or, worse, you are like a balloon. You get the tiniest little whole in your skin and the result is...well, you know. It's just a hole the size of a needle but then all your air is gone!

The other option is inspiration. Inspiration is actually a state of being. It's a state of mind, heart and soul. There is a quality of openness. Readiness. Sensitivity. Presence. You can't fake inspiration because when you are inspired you are just authentically YOU. There is nothing to do and nobody to be but be yourself.

I'm going to Rome and Tuscany next month. Omg. Yes. I will be in the heart and birthplace of the Renaissance. I'm sure it will be mind-blowing beyond what I can even begin to imagine right here! Inspiration on steroids. :)

That said, you don't have to be painting the Sistine Chapel to be considered as inspired. You know that moment you're brushing your teeth and trying to remember where you put the dental floss, then, almost out of thin air, you realize just what you need to do to handle that situation at work? Or, you are just walking down the street and you float into ABC Carpet and Home, let your mind run wild, and start decorating an apartment you don't even own yet. Maybe you just take pen to paper and start doodling, drawing, writing a few lines until you arrive at this one image or sentence that causes you to exhale. It's so truthful. It came from deep inside you.

This is all inspiration! It can happen anywhere anytime and on any level. Micro, medium, macro -- it's all great. Just choose it today. Be open to inspiration.

If you feel inspired today, I would love to know. Please comment here or email me at lindspiration@gmail.com.

Thanks and choose a beautiful, inspired day!

Best,

Lindsay

Acting Is Not That Hard

2011-06-29T05:46:00.008-04:00

Just like a car needs a steering wheel to direct the power of the engine, so does our ambition need focus to carry us to the completion of our goals. When we let confidence fuel our efforts, while using a positive mind-set to focus our direction, we can’t help but be successful in nearly any undertaking.

-DailyOM

Good am! I thought this excerpt from the DailyOM was an appropriate metaphor to write and share on this morning. Not only have I been thinking a lot about my ambitions and the importance of focus to carry them out, but, bracing myself, I am also going to the NYS Department of Motor Vehicles in two hours to replace an expired driver's license.

I will be doing some driving this July 4th weekend! On Long Island. In a Pathfinder. "Blazing trails (under 65mph) for my desires (to see my friends and go to the beach)!"

I am excited to write in this moment. It is easier to talk a good game when I am not consumed with playing it. I'm now done with the show MEN and most likely won't be acting again until I shoot a film in late July, the feature length indy "Like School on a Saturday" (dir. Sean Sawyer), in which I play the main character's mother. In the meantime, I am free to relax, reflect on my ambitions and line up some thoughts in my mind and heart that will pave the way for a future of more opportunity and abundance.

Sound a little lofty for a Wednesday? Come on, what better way to get over the hump?! Vrrrrrooooom!

This last acting gig choked me up a little. I got freaked out and wasn't sure I even want to proceed in this game. Why? Because it felt SO HARD. The story I seem married to is that, for me and only me, acting is HARD. Other things, not so hard. But acting. OH. MAN. The nerves. The endless lines running around in my brain 24/7. The courage to get up in front of people and risk -- gasp! -- judgment, rejection, criticism, indifference (bigger gasp!), imperfection and god knows what else, all in front of a paying audience...it is JUST TOO MUCH.

Then, when I have breakthroughs and in-the-zone performances, which I feel like I did while performing one of the monologues during the second and fourth nights of MEN, I feel triumphant and relieved. I guess I am in that moment, considering what I was up against in my brain, but this all wouldn't even be necessary if I didn't buy into my story in the first place:

Acting is Hard

By: Lindsay B. Davis

Chapter 1: The craft is hard

Chapter 2: The business is hard

Chapter 3: Day jobs until you make it are hard

Chapter 4: Why are you procrastinating right now? GO REHEARSE!

Chapter 5: All Actors are Narcissists

I don't want this book on my summer reading list. It's not a beach book. It's more like a bitch book. Or, a block. A brick. On my back!! Do you buy into anything comparable? Not about my acting. :) About your...anything? If so, can you start to break it down? Right here right now.

I'm not saying acting doesn't have challenges. Of course it does. It is a craft. They call it that for a reason! And of course the business has its challenges. Still, I know that when it comes to pursuing goals, perception is the rule. I'm not saying deny reality but after so many years studying and working as an actor, I feel like it's time to reframe what I am doing or at least write a more love-based story. I would rather save the ROCKY montage for something with a few more actual staircases because the truth is, acting is NOT that hard.

Surrendering the ego is.

After I do the work, the preparation, relaxation, imagination dance, it comes. What remains most hard or difficult is taming my ego. The part of me which wants (ok, demands) instant validation, praise, approval, success, money gigs, and short cuts. The part of me that wants to hide which definitely conflicts with the part of me that can be courageously vulnerable and revealing in the context of a story while performing in front of an audience. This same ego creates the Acting is Hard story and wants to quit when the going gets tough and road seems long. "Pull a Thelma and Louise and just jump off that cliff," says the Ego to my Dreamer Driver.

F*$# YOU. I will not. The only scene I'd ever replay from that movie is the one where Brad Pitt visits Gina Davis, thank you very much!

Which brings me back to the original point of this post -- FOCUS. Focusing on what is strong, beautiful, creative and passionate in you is what will keep your energy up (I've been saying that in class a lot lately. Love it. Energy UP!) and heart lifted. Having clarity to see what books you're writing and being willing to toss them out the window WILL help you accomplish what you seek.

To close, let's end with a song. PINK's "Shut Up and Drive"? Nah, not this morning. Another one-named wonder, one whose music who I am craving a lot these days -- STING -- and this beautiful tune called "The Book of My Life":

There's a chapter on love

where the ink's never dry.

-Sting

So, yes. Write a love story today. Short and sweet. Pay attention to what you love. No speeding, Rocky montage or car metaphors necessary.

Speaking of which, wish me luck at the DMV!

Best,

Lindsay

PS Speaking of LOVE, check out this event tonight being led by my friend, the beautiful author/spiritual teacher, Margaret Nichols:

Deeksha/Oneness Blessing

Wednesday June 29th, 7:15-8:15pm

Infinity Wellness

27 West 20th Street, Suite 306

Erika Shannon Hathaway, the broadway rockstar goddess (and early deeksha enthusiast) is blowing through town on a week off from tour + she + husband Brian (hottie, hilarious, studly... you know him) will be there tomorrow night + giving an intro on their awesome loving-ness. So it is going to be all about the LOVE. Want love? Got it? Hate it? Missing it? Overcome by it for the (whoopsies) "wrong" person? Self love? Divine love? Whatever floats (or doesn't float) your boat. tomorrow. is. about. love.

come and get it.

**all are welcome, as per usual**

An Artist Inspired. A Woman in Love.

2011-06-26T09:48:00.003-04:00

Good morning! One of the affirmations I am teaching this month in intenSati class is:

I declare my dreams.

We say it while doing the intenSati action for DESIRE.

I've been sharing with my students that while I've been acting all month in a play called MEN (the final performance was last night) at Manhattan Repertory Theater, I've been feeling a lot of ambivalence, fear, doubt, and resistance. At last night's show, something really cool happened during the first monologue I performed. I felt free! I felt engaged and present. Pretty much all the things I love about acting when it's going well were there for me and the audience seemed to really enjoy what I was doing. Howwwwever, during my second monologue, I blanked twice for about half a second and essentially took a machete to the lines. :( Whether or not the audience "could tell" is not the point. I knew. I don't even know what happened but all 4 times I was not line perfect and last night was the worst one of all. Not exactly how I wanted to end but it is what it is.

I am relieved MEN is over. The content was tough to sit with for me -- two women telling stories about their very flawed relationships, one in complete denial about her philandering boyfriend and the other married to a husband so obsessed with all his high-tech gadgets he "spends most of his time in his office with his harem of digital delights." Acting is personal and to be real you either draw from your experience or imagination. For me, it's almost always a combination of the two. I've never had to rely on just one or the other. So, you sit with emotions that you may not want to feel but you do it because it's what the character is going through and for the time, you are the character. That's why acting is such an incredible exercise in allowing feelings.

I am gratefully taking a break from acting until a film I am shooting at the end of July. I am so happy about this -- both the much needed rest and the upcoming film!

This morning I was out on the river writing and tapping into Source energy, which I do by meditating and asking questions, then breathing, then writing what I hear. So, when I asked what is going on with me and this whole acting thing, I realized through what I wrote that it is much bigger than just the acting. It's actually about my dreams and who I am and how I feel I must live in this world.

What came to me is that I deserve to do great work that is valued and really serves a purpose. What also came out is I want to be "an artist inspired" and "a woman in love." I was writing and pouring into my journal these feelings about how much I really do love to create characters, perform, write stories, and have time to have process that is not rushed. Also, what came up was how much I just want to be in a state of love. Self love, romantic love and loving nature, loving my creative processes, loving art, music, just being IN LOVE with life. I also want to heal. That came through very clearly.

So, I asked further to be guided into places and relationships (both professional and personal) that reflect this deep desire. I started to imagine and feel a simple life where I have time, space and warm energy around me to do my creative work, love myself, and have loving relationships. While I had no idea how I would make any money, I didn't worry about it. It was just my morning quiet time, a time to just let the dreams bubble up to the surface simply, unadulterated and pure.

Recognizing that I have the power to create my reality based on the dreams in my heart, I hereby release my desires into the wind like a child blowing on a dandelion. I trust the seeds will root. I know the seeds will grow. And, like this little girl, the whole thing delights me:

Wishing you a wonderful day today. Oh, check out my new blog, Lindsonic! It's at lindsonic.blogspot.com. I started it during the last two weeks and probably should've been working on that second monologue during the hours I spent on it, but that's OK. :)

Love,

lbd

So You Think You Can Stand

2011-06-19T08:09:00.008-04:00

In this never-ending flow of life, there is an infinite array of choices.

One alone brings happiness.

To love what is...

If in any moment you can pause and come into the Presence

that's allowing what's happening,

you can respond from wisdom and compassion.

-Tara Brach

This quote is from a talk Tara Brach gave on how to deal with a tendency to look at life and/or the self with an attitude that says "something is wrong". This habit of saying things shouldn't be as they are basically propels us into a mode of figuring out what kind of fixing, changing, controlling, planning, doing, and adjusting we need to do in order to create a new set of circumstances that suit us better.

Creating and seeking transformation can either be a useful proposition or a way to flee the present moment, or a little bit of both.

When I have the thought -- Things are not supposed to BE like this! -- and don't feel life cooperating with me, I can feel a deep sensation in the gut that isn't pleasant. Usually when I am learning about myself in the process of acting, writing, teaching, or, in personal relationships, amongst colleagues, any way of relating that reflects back to me something to learn, I am tempted to pick up that thought if I am doing less than perfectly, but that is just the thought which pulls me out of the present.

Since when were learning processes ever seamless? Michael Jordan missed more than a few free throws and shots in his life. He spent hours upon hours upon HOURS training on the court! Practicing. Missing. Hitting. Practicing some more. Sure he was born with a gift, but he honed over time. If MJ stopped every time he missed a shot and told himself this was just WRONG and then left the game, well, let's not even entertain what that would've meant for the sport of basketball.

A few free throws missed is an incredible part of the learning journey. Let's even go further and say that metaphorically speaking, a free throw can mean any risk or opportunity done at no cost to yourself that stretches you into new territories. These opportunities are meant to be grabbed not missed.

In the last few days I taught 3 intenSati classes and performed twice in a play called MEN at Manhattan Repertory Theater (two more shows left - Thurs/Sat at 7PM). I am living the dream I declared. I just wish there wasn't a whole parade of fear inducing thoughts and feelings along for the ride, particularly on the acting front. I've had so much anxiety the last few weeks leading up to performance, that I really started to question if this is what I really want to be doing, especially when other practices feel so much easier to me, which I think I've written about in previous posts. I am still working through my process. All my intenSati classes were an amazing source of inspiration to help keep me grounded and empowered. I feel really grateful for the practice and the community.

The Buddhist teaching for the reacting mind is called papancha, which is a Pali word meaning "proliferation of thoughts", and as far as I'm concerned is the perfect word, since the fear thoughts give you a headache, like there is rapid fire pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa going off in the brain and in the heart, gut, etc.

I suppose when fear takes over and grabs you by the throat, for the awakened soul that knows love, it does feel "wrong". Yet, fear isn't wrong. It can't be. No feeling is wrong. It's not that it "shouldn't be like this". What is it then? A protective cover for the heart that may really be saying:

Loving with reckless abandon can lead to such disappointment. Don't you dare put yourself out there fully. Don't love it as much as you love it ALL. Don't want the moment where your creativity and beauty blooms, your imagination comes to life, you reveal yourself and revel in storytelling, present to exactly what is unfolding. DON'T give it all or you will SURELY be disappointed, somehow, or get stripped of the ball. Stay guarded! I am here to protect you, don't you get it?!?!? I am here to protect you from too much love and the pain that goes with being. I will also entice you with results and pull your focus out of the moment, out of the process, out of the learning and doing ...

Pa pa pa pa pa pa pancha (sung to the tune of La Bamba). No judgments but fear is such a soap opera, I seriously can't even stand it anymore. Yet, the name of the game IS to stand it. Be with it. Stand it. Tolerate it. Stand in it. Which is really standing up to it.

When it comes up instead of saying you shouldn't be so afraid, approach it with compassion, hearing it, feeling it and even observing which thoughts put the fear into high gear, you are truly in acceptance and free to move through and let it go. Easier said than done but that's okay. For me, I know life gives me opportunities every day to learn this lesson.

If you really want to face some fear and do it anyway, I strongly suggest you try acting. :)

Comments and feedback on this post are greatly appreciated in advance. I would love to hear your thoughts on these topics!

Have a beautiful day,

Lindsay

Great Health and Weight Loss

2011-06-18T06:43:00.011-04:00

Good morning! I am having a really fun time teaching intenSati this month, despite a brief trip through back injury land (now healed). I've been doing special events and new classes here and there, including yesterday, when I taught intenSati to a new group, many of whom were taking class for the first time, up at the 92nd St Equinox. Last weekend, I led two classes through BeFIT NYC, the citywide health initiative to "make NYC your gym" which partners with Equinox to offer free classes to New Yorkers. Very fun. Very rewarding.

As my dear friend's husband recovers from open heart surgery this morning and a friend of the family is just getting over having had 6 new stents added, I am remembering again how important it is to be healthy. As I read articles from the dangers of lap band surgery to the Obama administration's new health initiative that will focus on wellness and prevention of disease, I am feeling a lot of gratitude that I am part of a team of people dedicated to practicing, promoting and teaching healthy behaviors.

There are many, many people out there who need to lose weight and whose current weight is a function of many factors, some of which are controllable and others (perhaps a thyroid condition) which are not. I would like to offer encouragement this morning to anybody who is caught in a cycle of eating and/or sedentary living that wants to change.

There are resources:

EXERCISE. Today, there are as many exercise formats as there are varieties of Ben and Jerry's ice cream. Truly. Whether you like dance, fashion yourself the star of a remake of the Karate Kid, if you want fitness to just work your core and butt muscles, something to restore proper alignment of your spine, or, maybe just something to get your heart rate up, between all the gyms out there, DVDs and web streaming, the opportunities to do some sort of exercise led by a teacher who is fun, smart and probably cute to look at are ENDLESS. Endless. So, do a little research, observe a class, look online, and be willing to try something new.

FIND A SUPPORT GROUP. There is a group called Overeaters Anonymous that is structured like Alcoholics Anonymous and serves people who come from overeating, bulimic and anorexic backgrounds as well as eating disorders of any ilk. While there is a component that focuses on spirituality or a Power greater than yourself to facilitate healing, you can easily work around that language and just focus on the power of the group. Same goes for the overeating as illness labeling, which again you can bypass to just get the benefits of support and insight. This program has helped thousands of people throughout the world. Check out www.oa.org to find a meeting near you or if you can't get to a meeting, there are really cool podcasts from meetings in LA. Also search the web for weight loss support groups moderated by nutritionists, life coaches or therapists.

EAT LESS. I had a conversation with someone the other day that veered into the topic of weight loss. This guy had a simpler solution to the problem of obesity and overeating than I've heard in a while. His, well, let's call it how-to-just-fix-what-is-broken guy wisdom, was to just start by taking what you normally eat and reducing the amount by as much as half. Okay. :) Too easy? Too hard to actually implement? The funny thing is, while at first I dismissed it to myself as too easy and then took it to be metaphorical for a whole "halfing" of our consumption (as we all need to reduce, reuse, recycle, minimize...) I stopped the philosophizing (save that for another post) and realized that he has a point. The reasons many diets backfire is people feel SO deprived. Salads all day, the image of eating like a rabbit, budgeting points to figure out when to eat a pizza and just how much you can fit into your week (which works for some, I know, which is great!), etc. So, perhaps it would work to keep eating exactly what you want and like to eat, just have less of it. So, while you may not go full out at 50% reduction to start, I suggest you try that and fill in the gaps with vegetables or healthy juices. Or, eat a third less of everything you normally consume. This includes if you emotionally eat. Can you do half the amount of cookies instead of the whole box? YES, you can. Progress not perfection.

GO FOR HEALTHY OVER THIN. This shift in thinking really, really helped me get my eating under control. It seemed that when I held an image of thin in my head, I kept losing site of shore and where I was going. I would get distracted and frustrated easily, perhaps because I was guided by an external image as opposed to an inner feeling. A result. When I started oriented my compass towards feeling healthy and affirming behavior, I found it easier to do to stick to a way of life that works. I became encouraged on days that I just took a walk if I couldn't go to the gym, chose Chobani Greek Yogurt over Tasti Delite, finally got an annual physical and made all necessary health appointments for the summer, and stopped idealizing a body size that I will most likely never attain since I don't appear built for it and when I did have it, I didn't menstruate for a year. Now, I find tremendous empowerment from just being healthy and people often tell me I look wonderful and glow, which is a nice side effect.

TEAM UP. This is always worth repeating. Find a buddy for accountability. Find a friend for a kick-in-the-butt pep talk when you need a dose of inspiration. Find groups that love what you love and workout with them, hang with them, revel in the great effects of your healthy behaviors, whatever that looks like for you. No man or woman is an island and when it comes to getting healthy, it really, really helps to be part of a group of fellow health enthusiasts!

RELEASE THE PAST THROUGH FORGIVENESS AND COMPASSION. No matter what is the net effect is of your past behaviors, whether it led to some kind of disease, negative thought patterns perpetuated that now feel ingrained like glue, obesity, bad teeth, thousands upon thousands of dollars of medical bills, you can actually release the past through forgiveness and compassion. You really can. Nobody is hanging you outside on the guillotine slab and if they are, well, you have a few choices on how to handle these people in your life (I will save that for another post) starting with rising above their opinions of you, which don't matter. What's done is DONE. You have every right to start a new day with new intentions, a new action plan, new resources (per above) and a lighter sense of being before a single pound comes off your beautiful body.

What is working or not working for you these days when it comes to food and weight? I would love to know if you want to share here or by emailing lindspiration@gmail.com.

Have a beautiful day!

Best,

Lindsay

5'3", 135 lbs

2011-06-10T06:23:00.012-04:00

Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, a land that we can thank for Starbucks, a comparison meter for our weather when we want to feel better about NYC, and one of my FAVORITE movies of all time (I think that A, you have an act and B, not having an act is your act...), I had a boyfriend.

I'm talking about Seattle, folks. Starbucks. Rain. Singles. Nice people who lack the kind of knock-you-over-in-the-subway-I-have-someplace-to-be-NOW drive that makes New Yorkers at once fiercely amazing and incredibly irritating. Seattle. A place where I found a brief period of some really sweet love.

Although it was not the longest of relationships, it was meaningful and forgive the unromantic term, a game changer. The He in question was someone I (barely) knew in high school who found me on Facebook, back when Facebook wasn't so annoying (oh, I have such beef with FB these days and don't really go on it anymore except to share about my blog, classes and shows), and the relationship existed over the phone and Skype, with a few visits in person.

He was and is a serious Buddhist. Serious, not the right word. Disciplined. Practiced. Lived in Seattle's Zen Center when we were together. Goes on meditation retreats where you DON'T TALK. At all. :) Silence. He's also an acupuncturist and massage therapist. A martial artist. Likes dogs and even cats. He's a musician, too. And he's nice.

As is usually the case when people come together, there is teaching and exchanging going on if both parties are open, which we were. I was just starting to teach intenSati and soaking up a lot of the materials that inspired the practice -- Louise Hay's You Can Heal Your LIfe, Wayne Dyer's The Power of Intention, Don Miguel Ruiz' The Four Agreements -- and he was on-his- knees-meditating deep in all things Zen. It made for some VERY interesting conversations about the nature of desire, detachment, goals, achievement, emptiness, meaning, and true nature, all with a Seinfeldian undertone, since we were both born and raised Jewish.

Ok, this is not turning into the post I wanted to write. I wanted to write about body image and Buddhism and how I am learning to find a way to accept my weight, but it's never about the weight, is it?

No, it's not. Meaning, weight can be talked about, mulled over, diets debated ad nauseum and infinitum, we can ask and receive more information about What to Do, but, as I've learned from the beginning and will continue to trust, freedom (at least for me) comes with exploring and understanding what is buried underneath the focus on food and weight. What feelings? What disturbances? What insights? What desires?

I have a normal, healthy weight. I know this because I was at the doctor yesterday for my annual physical and she told me so, after she weighed me, which I don't do since owning a scale used to drive me crazy. I'd weigh myself multiple times a day. It didn't help to monitor myself like a wrestler, it helped to let go of the number. After hearing the doctor say that I'm 5'3" and 135 lbs, while affirming how muscular I am and confirming that nothing about my belly fat indicates a health problem, I had this moment of peace.

I am fine. I'm better than fine, actually. I am healthy. I am okay. I deserve to enjoy this beauty, this body, this life, as much as I want to and can, even though I'm not skinny.

Which made me think of the Buddha, all happy joyful with his big belly, jovial, peaceful. It made me think of that relationship and time in Seattle, where I felt the absence of fear and the welcoming of my spirit. Over the years, I found every which way to put myself through the ringer, even as a fitness instructor, where I've felt that accepting myself and weight AS IS somehow signifies Fat Acceptance, which it doesn't. I sometimes let the many mirrors and leanest bodies in the city who work out at the gym get upstairs in my head and trigger this belief rather than believe I am perfect as I am.

Everybody should date a Buddhist at least once or at least try to date like Buddha.:)

It's all about how you perceive yourself and what you do with information, isn't it? I AM HEALTHY. All my numbers look great, test results all negative, cholesterol, thyroid, blood pressure -- healthy, healthy, healthy. After years of eating disordered behavior, I have come to the other side and while I am far from perfect, I am living in recovery today and by the power of grace, I have no residual damage from the years of self harm and abuse.

Do I want to be lean, strong, flexible, healthy and sexy? Hot, even? Yes, absolutely. :) I want to feel great and own my beauty. I want everybody to do this. I hope you do this today.

I decided I am done torturing myself with the thin ideal and choosing to make myself feel bad for not achieving the result I thought I wanted but now realize I don't even need to achieve. Will I continue a healthy eating plan and workout regime, yes, but I am not seeking weight loss right now and honestly, that feels really freeing. Radical, even.

Instead, I am practicing the art of letting go of paying so much attention to my body's appearance and going with what it feels inside. Which, ultimately, is I think what that relationship and time in Seattle taught me. I felt so loved for who I was not how I looked. It shifted me into that place of knowing, which tells me it's about what's going on deep within ourselves.

Presently, I have a few body imbalances to heal. They are in my back, my hip, and my ankle. I have emotional cues to understand, ones which are leading me to think about next steps and directions I want to take in my life. Where to go. What to do. I have thought patterns that still trip me up and require me to shhhhhhh and listen to what I'm thinking, listen to how I am processing people, places and things, and I have impulses of every variety that need tending to, much as you would tend to a small garden of many plants, flowers, weeds, green grass, and the occasional slug.

My guess is we all do. AND, my guess is that when it comes to HAPPINESS, one of the biggest barriers is not that the job, the relationship, the bank account, the weight, etc., don't line up to match your dreams, although these can certainly cause some irritation. I think the real barrier is that we are not tuned INTO ourselves on a deep enough level to know how we really feel and ultimately, who we really are. So, it starts with an inward gaze, perhaps towards your belly, that place where intuition lives.

5'3" and 135" pounds. Okay.

Or...

Feelings. Life. Creativity. Love. Acceptance. Companionship. Beauty. Desire. Peace. Nature. Power. Joy.

Speaking of desires and knowing oneself, can someone remake this movie, please, so I can audition!?!?! Or, I'm going to spearhead the project myself!

Thanks for reading! Please comment here if you like to speak out on these topics. I value your voice and comments make me feel good. :) Have a great day.....

xo,
Lindsay

Mostly Beautiful

2011-06-08T06:57:00.007-04:00

Good morning --

Fast post this morning to mark what I think was a turning point for me yesterday. There was a moment after work when I was walking uptown along Broadway from about Times Square until the mid 60s. On my right, I could see the treetops of Central Park. To my left, the big ball of sun was setting on the Hudson River. I was still in a lot of back pain from last weekend's injury (going to the chiro this morning, thank gd) but it felt good to walk after sitting at a desk all day.

What I started to feel was very peaceful and what I started to think is that I have it really, really good. One of the reasons I'm consistently practicing and teaching positivity is because of my tendency to feel dissatisfied in my life, as if nothing I have or do is really good enough. That second song's been with me a long time and sometimes I think it's hardwired. It is ingratitude laced with some regret threaded through a needle of fear and it completely takes me out of the moment.

So, while some people may start from a place of gratitude, acceptance and appreciation while working towards manifesting new career goals, a committed relationship with a soul mate partner, the kinds of friendships that make them happy, and whatever else their dream can hold, typically, for me, I start from a feeling of a sizable deficit or debt. It's not to say I have a hard time appreciating -- I am actually someone who finds deep, deep gratitude for moments -- but I've always felt inclined to criticize, as if easing into the moment fully with a reckless sense of satisfaction is wrong. Or, complacent. Or, something I can't exactly identify.

Yet, last night, as I thought about my very funny coworkers, the way I was able to get a chiropractor to see me in less than 24 hours to help my back, as I thought about the play I just worked on with the theater group Ticket 2 Eternity and the one coming up at Manhattan Rep, my trip to Italy I'm taking next month, buonnissimo, the happiness I felt eating "The World's Smallest Hot Fudge Sundae" at Heartland Brewery the other day, the Oprah Winfrey Master Class lesson on SURRENDER I just watched, how just being able to see, hear, feel, touch and taste this world through my sensitive senses is such a gift -- I could go on but for blog standards, I'll move on -- I felt very good. I felt very, very blessed.

I found out two days ago that a friend I knew from when I studied acting at the Bruce Ornstein Acting Workshop passed away in an accident at the young age of 30. Upon hearing this very sad, tragic news, I felt something inside of me shift. I thought of him and the energized, eccentric, talented, wonderful spirit he had, how he was always smiling in a mischievous way, and how missed he probably is right now. I thought of him on his bike. I realized he would've been perfect in my play as the bike messenger, actually, and these two words kept floating in my head:

mostly beautiful.

I don't know what these words mean to me but they kind of sum up how I feel about life. Is is, mostly beautiful. In death and loss, hurt, deception, and gross mistakes or misjudgments, there is beauty, too. The least beauty, as far as I can tell, is in refusing to be open to life. In the shutting down and avoiding all that is happening inside and around us. That's where beauty gets snuffed out.

I think about relationships and people we spend time with -- how much we need each other to wake up. How we can enter into and out of connections with people, patterns, jobs, living spaces, characters, blogs (like this one) based on timing, yearning, openness, and need, yet, when the time is up, we can move on.

Moving on is mostly beautiful, too.

This morning's post is definitely a love song because I am in that kind of a mood. What good is living if you shut down the love in your life. I spoke to my dad yesterday about the odds of making it in The Business as an actress and writer. I tried to explain how I am choosing an attitude of faith over fear, that I use the numbers game as something to motivate me to be so good at my crafts that my success will be inevitable. This, as opposed to focusing on the dissuading argument of it-ain't-happening-for-me-not-in-this-time-no-way-no-how. I realized, that in many ways, we (my dad and me) are both singing a love song. His is love of self protection and not getting hurt. Don't dream too big or else you could end up crushed. Mine is a love song of a different variety. Open myself up fully to what I desire, do all I can to accomplish and allow it to unfold. Do my best to love the process. Different kinds of love songs, I guess, but love songs just the same.

Here is the Oprah video I mentioned earlier. It is SO powerful and really teaches how to let go and surrender to the moment. I am learning that through detachment and being in the flow of the moment, there is great FREEDOM. Oprah describes the process of loving and letting go so eloquently -- enjoy:

Peace,
Lindsay

Go Where Music Flows

2011-06-06T06:11:00.014-04:00

Good morning!

I am in rehearsals for a show that goes up on June 18th and the process if giving me an incredible opportunity to practice deliberate creation through the power of my thoughts. The play is a collection of women's monologues. I was given two on Saturday, each of which is just over 2 pages of single spaced text. This, compared to what I've needed to learn for roles in the past in under two weeks, is what would qualify as a challenge.

I found myself going through a few different reactions, most of which were peppered with fear. This is too much to learn. I'm going to be a stress case for two weeks. I can't do it - maybe I should drop out? Am I setting myself up for success or failure?

Since I want to do it and it does feel like I can call up the capacity to learn these lines if I am super focused and disciplined, I am choosing to stay in the game and do this project. The real challenge is to focus on thoughts that are inspiring, just like what I teach in class, since when I am thinking positively I am calmer and more likely to learn and retain my lines!

Any time you have a new challenge, you can be on guard against any negative thoughts and if they surface, observe, let them go, and pick up a thought that supports your process. Yes, I can do it. I am doing it. It is done. I am inspired. I am at ease with this text. This is totally doable.

The same is true for my physical workouts, which became slightly derailed because of some back pain. Back pain can be related to stress, frustration and fear, so it actually doesn't surprise me that I hurt my back a few days ago while I was undergoing this process of approaching two new plays and figuring out how to align myself with Flow and let go of fear.

Here is an excerpt from something I recently read about detachment:

Learn to follow the quiet voice within that speaks in feelings rather than words. Follow what you hear inside, rather than what others may be telling you to do. The universe itself will act to move you to what you want, and move what you want to you. All you have to do is let go, while acting on your inner prompts. Let go of fear, doubt, worry, disappointment, and any other negative emotion that might make you feel low. Being unattached gives you the ability to drop whatever it is you are focusing upon at the moment and focus on something new. It makes you able to switch your concentration from one thing to another. It keeps your consciousness in flow and not fixed at any spot so it can be free and spontaneous in experiencing unfoldment.

*

So, as I go back to my morning practice of rehearsing my lines and then healing my body through light movement and stretching, I intend and expect to do both with the kind of energy with which the following two songs are infused -- joy, levity, passion and connection. That is what it's really about for me these days. Moving into spaces and energy where the music flows. Enjoying friends and people who are all about love and acceptance. Bringing myself to situations with an attitude of openness. That's all. Enjoy "The Promise" by one of my favorite new bands The Olatuja Project as well as an old favorite of mine, "Shaking the Tree," by the incomparable Peter Gabriel. xx, lbd

June intenSati Series -- OFF YOU GO!!

2011-06-03T07:56:00.004-04:00

Good morning!

Maybe it's because June is the month of Father's Day but as I developed my intenSati series for June -- Off You Go! -- the image I had was of learning to ride a two wheeler bicycle. My father held the back of my seat and ran with me and then, just as my hesitation grew into confidence and then readiness, he released and wheeeee, off I went!

Welcome to the month of YOUR take off! As you grow, take risks and try new things, you will find yourself in new territory. The question is, do you have the mindset to handle it? That's what this month is about. Learning the kind of mental attitude and positive action approach to doing what you've never done before as you maximize your potential.

Just when I thought I was going to have an easy month on the acting front following a successful production of my play in May, I was cast in not one but two projects for June. The second is a play that has quite a chunk of text to learn. My first thought, How am I going to do that?! was quickly replaced with a more confident thought and attitude thanks to intenSati. I am in new territory, riding that bicycle by myself (ps I am buying a bike soon, my first in NYC!), and I have the attitude of a champion.

When you declare your dream and fill your words with emotions and passion from the heart, when you consistently practice and do your work with a positive attitude, your success is inevitable. You will make progress and develop excellence one day at a time!

With that, I offer you my latest series and invite you to practice it with me this month! When? Scroll down to the bottom for my schedule this month, including TWO SPECIAL EVENTS! Can't wait to see and work out with you soon!

Much love and GRATITUDE for you all,
Lindsay

Cardio

I am committed (YES)

I am inspired (INSPIRED)

I'm blazing trails (FIRED UP R)

for my desires (FIRED UP L)

I step across the line (V STEP 2x)

I’m in new territory (SUCCESS R)

Success is mine (SUCCESS L)

Do you let go of resistance? I let go of resistance! (RELEASE)

Do you declare your dream? I declare my dream! (DESIRE)

Does life reward your persistence? Life rewards my persistence! (PERSISTENCE)

Are you a part of a team? I am a part of a team! (APPRECIATION)

Off you go!! (CHAMPION: Passion/Inspiration/Confidence)

Lower Body

I give up fear (FEAR) so I am free (POSITIVE EXPECTATION)

to live with grace (GRACE) and dignity (COMPASSION).

my beauty blooms (BEAUTY)

as does my spirit (LOTUS)

I see and I feel it (GRATITUDE).

SCHEDULE
Saturday morning Central Park intenSati. Every Saturday at 10:30AM. We meet at Columbus Circle (the gold topped statue) at 10:15AM. Reservations are now required, so please email LINDSPIRATION@gmail.com to reserve your spot! Class is FREE with donations accepted.

SUBBAGE
I am subbing for Natalia at 17th/10th Ave at 6:30AM on Wed., June 8th
I am subbing for Darbi at 19th/Bwy at 11:00AM on Sun, June 19th
Guest passes available!

SPECIAL EVENTS
Saturday, June 11th Central Park intenSati is partnering with BeFitNYC for an exciting Special Event! Same time and place with more details to come!

Friday, June 17th, I am leading a special Warrior themed intenSati class at 92nd St from 11am-noon. Email LINDSPIRATION@gmail.com to RSVP.

Go to Satilife.com to check out all the latest intenSati happenings. Have a wonderful, amazing month!! lbd

Hot is Here. Stay in your Healthy Zone!

2011-05-31T07:06:00.009-04:00

Good morning!

This is not a post about the weather, although if you happen to live in NYC and like the heat, you may be as blissed out as I am from the last few days. We had a GORGEOUS, hot, SUNNY Memorial Day Weekend. Thank you, Mother Nature!

The hot I am referring to is that little accolade of appreciation for your sizzle, that compliment you go for that explains the 3 inch sandals and for some, the 3 hours in the gym or 3 juices a day. In addition to wanting health, come summer, who doesn't also really want hot?! Do you remember Paris Hilton's hot heard 'round the world? "That's Hot" coming from the Super Rich Socialite Barbie knocked any other forms of praise off the pedestal. It reached the number 1 spot for props. Did you know she trademarked that phrase? Oh, yes.

Cut to 2,011 and hot is it. Again. Looking at everybody from Beyonce's latest video to First Lady Michelle Obama looking hotter than ever in the UK, from Lady Gaga in a sheer cat suit over her underwear for her recent appearance on Good Morning America (good morning is right) to the royal Middleton sisters, If once upon a time Coke was it, now, HOT IS IT.

What I have to admit is that hot definitely feels attached to my body -- both how it looks and the kind of shape it's in. I feel hot when I'm at or very close to goal weight, when I'm working out a lot and when I wear clothes that are sexy or may not be what everybody else is wearing stylewise, but look great on me. Certainly doing things I'm passionate about helps the hot quotient, since my blissy buzz turns can turn to confidence, but I have to admit there is more of a focus on the external.

I was hoping I can write a post that offers up hot as a mindset. As if it can come entirely from within and that it is a decision, a choice, an attitude. One that is available on any day at at any size, right? Yet, as I sit here writing, my own hotness in dispute with my soul and spirit, both of which don't understand what the hell I'm talking about, I have to just admit how much of it really does feel like while happiness may be an inside job, hot feels is an outside job.

I think I have a few things to learn!

I'm sure I've effectively been sucked into some societal pressures, I know. A part of me wishes I had the kind of attitude of indifference -- aren't they usually the ones who are most hot?! A cool, I don't care attitude can be incredibly sexy -- that some people have but I don't. Did the Buddha worry about his belly while under the Bodhi tree? Doubt it.

So, how to stay in your Healthy Zone when the heat is on? Here are a few tips I'm practicing, offering and learning:

*Exercise really does help get your body into shape. From yoga to cardio, strength conditioning to balance, it ALL helps and positively contributes to not just getting in shape but improving your shape. So, do it, enjoy it but don't overdo it.

*Wanting to be fit and trim is a healthy impulse but the drive to be too thin or achieve thinness vis a vis restricting and creating calorie deficits too large to support your activity is not. If the latter is coming on, you may want to talk to someone for some support to stay in your Healthy Zone.

*No matter where you are or how much you weigh, you CAN feel comfortable and beautiful in your body NOW. You don't have to wait to reach the weight you desire, for that magic number on the scale to wake you up and get you out of bed in the morning in a good mood. Dress well for the body you have now.

*Be persistent and support yourself by allowing missteps and getting back on your plan pronto. I find it easier to eat healthy in the summer with the abundance of fruits and vegetables. The hot temps actually suppress my appetite and all the sunshine keeps my low moods at bay, it really does. BUT, there is still temptation everywhere, from weddings to BBQ's and long weekends, so stay mindful and focused on what you've got to do to stay on course.

*Praise your body. Really, talk to yourself and love, affirm and appreciate what a miracle your body is today.

*If you have a goal and a plan, that is ALL you need! The inspiration for achieving and reaching your goal weight and getting into the kind of body that you feel great in doesn't come from comparing yourself to others. It comes from affirming YOU and keeping the focus on your own progress.

Do you have anything to add? I'd love to know what's working for you!

With love,
Lindsay

Lindsay Davis is an AFAA-certified group fitness instructor. She teaches the revolutionary intenSati workout at Equinox Fitness, in Central Park, at retreats and in various other locations. She is available for private coaching and classes. For more info, please email lindspiration@gmail.com.

Sing Your Heart Out

2011-05-30T08:15:00.011-04:00

Last night I sang a few songs at the Theater for the New City's Lower East Side Arts festival. I was joined by my dear friend Jeffrey Currier. That's his guitar I'm holding in the photo -- I don't play yet. I just sang. We performed in a small 60 person theater that looked like a cave but the acoustics were incredible. There were about 10 people (if that) in the audience, including the MC. While I felt like we did pretty well, it certainly didn't feel mind blowing nor did it feel like the kind of performance I've allowed my vivid imagination to visualize.

There were no back up dancers.

Rather, it was reality. A quiet, intimate, grounded, 4 song set of beautiful songs well within my vocal range and ability, done with love.

Which, incidentally and surprisingly, I was able to handle completely. This being in the What Is as opposed to What I Imagine I Can Become.

I can remember a time where I couldn't stand or tolerate being a work in progress. It was too painful for my ego. I wanted to hide, hide, hide until I was finished with the renovation. Good thing I'm not a high rise and can in fact be open to the world before the tape is cut.

I realize I love singing and music so much, I was able to clear the fear hurdle and get up there last night. Thank god for Jeffrey, whose warm, relaxed presence was the perfect support for me. J, if you're reading this post, THANK YOU, I am so grateful for you.

I do not know where this drive to sing comes from but I do know that I want to do it and will ONLY grow if I keep doing EXACTLY what I did last night. That is, getting up in front of people and singing.

Someone told me last night You have a beautiful, beautiful voice. Another said, Wow, that was very emotional. So, just like I teach my students to accept and receive a compliment graciously, I can do the same.

If you have a passion, you know how it feels. My world opens up when I dive into the work of artists old and new. Here is one of the Patty Griffin songs I sang last night. It's called "Let Him Fly" and this clip below is Patty being the brilliant artist that she is. I can't wait to see her live one day:

And here is the Colin Hay song Jeffrey and I sang called "Waiting for my Real Life to Begin"

We looked/sounded a little bit like that last night but didn't go for all the harmonizing. So beautiful -- watch the vid if you didn't, it's such a sweet song!

I know that feeling of waiting for my real life to begin. Wait for it, wait for it, waiiiiiiiiiit forrrrrrr iiiiiiittttt, but oh, to be free -- no longer WAITING for my REAL LIFE to begin but embracing it as well underway.

To reconcile yourself with exactly what is and create from that place. That's freedom.

In the now, there is no room for false fronts. Certainly as a creative artist -- I know it just doesn't serve me at all.

So, just be here now
forget about the past
your mask is wearing thin...
on a clear day
I can see
see for a long way
on a clear day
I can see
see for a long way.
-Colin Hay

So, whether or not you sing, I invite you to use this example as a means to springboard yourself into your life. The one that's here now right in front of you -- you are perfectly positioned in it to grow, try new things, explore, dream and do. You don't have to be perfect. You don't have to sound like anyone else. In fact, it's probably better if you don't!

Just be you and sing your heart out.

Peace, xo
Lindsay

When You're Happy and You Know It

2011-05-29T07:44:00.010-04:00

Good morning!

I had a wonderful birthday and can confirm that turning 34 doesn't need to be a stressful process AT ALL. In the morning, I taught intenSati class in Central Park under bright sunny skies. I think it was in the high 70s but in the sun it felt hotter. I was surrounded by my loving students and two former soccer teammates who I've known since middle school. SO awesome. I loved it but later in the day felt a little wiped - a reminder to us all to keep eating well and drinking plenty of water as the weather heats up this summer!

After class, lunch with my parents and brother at the UWS restaurant Telepan, which was good but a little strange because the restaurant was empty. There was one table with a couple besides ours and that is it. I liked the food and would recommend it if you're looking for healthy, farm to table fare that doesn't overwhelm the taste buds. Everything was simple but really good, including a smoked trout appetizer and then a lobster scallion omelet with salad. After our meal, we walked to Central Park and took a stroll. A good chance to spend some q/t with my mom and my dad/bro also seemed to enjoy the time for a catch up.

So, umm, what else to do on your birthday than create your first official unoffical Vlog, right!? Check it out below with mom's directorial debut. We didn't have camcorders growing up, so I'm making up for lost time.

After time with my family, I took the train down to the East Village and popped in for a coffee (the coffee at Telepan wasn't drinkable, fyi) at The Bean. Lucky me I ran into one of my friends and we had a catch up. Then, I treated myself to my first manicure/pedicure of the season.

After that, it was time for dinner with some of my closest friends at the restaurant Lina Frey. I'm a sucker for a good name -- Lindsay likes Tina Fey, Lina, Lina Fey...Lina Frey! That's how I chose my birthday restaurant. :) That, and because they had small plate options and a lot of vegetables on the menu and was in a fun part of town LES that is easily accessible for most of my guests. It was mellow, the food was good, and the vibe was about as positive as I hoped and intended it to be. I felt really loved.

In between all this and throughout the day I would read my Facebook wall feed and all the birthday wishes that came in, each one its own little e-jolt of internet love. I think if Freud were alive he'd have a field day with the meaning of relationships on Facebook. It's all fascinating. He'd say (I'm pulling up my best Australian accent right now, don't test me), Ahh, what is this Facebook but a substitution formation for repressed desire. You are all obsessive.

To which I would respectfully say, I agree we are obsessive but I see it less as symptom substitution as an indication of a desire to connect, to love, to be loved, all of which is a healthy impulse rather than a reflection of neurotic conflict.

Then Freud would say, Ok, you may be right. I'm going to update my status now.

All this to say, life is really really GOOD and, ALLLLLL this to say, it wasn't always. That's the point of my blog and why I write. I don't need a diary outlet nor am I wanting for attention to my inner life. At least not consciously.

Umm, Freud, care to weigh in on this?

No, Lindsay, I'm busy on Facebook! Call me later.

What I really want to impress upon you is that if you are under clouds of anxiety, negativity, depression and self sabotaging behavior, you really CAN change. Transformation has happened for and continues to happen for me. I am growing towards the light of health and happiness.

Surround yourself by loving people.

Do things that you love and bring you joy.

Take it easy on yourself. NOBODY is perfect. Perfectionism is a prison. Free yourself up.

Do the work. Do. The. Work. On yourself. For yourself.

Don't be afraid to say how you really feel. Assertiveness is such a gift to your authentic self and others.

Ask the Universe for help and support. It really answers when you're open!

Have a beautiful day and rest of the Memorial Day Weekend!

Much love,
lbd

So Many Gifts on my Birthday!

2011-05-28T05:45:00.014-04:00

Good morning!

It's my birthday. For today, I proudly say I am 34, the outspoken declaration of which certainly helps me wrap my head around the number even as I understand how little a number actually means. I think the root of a woman refusing to tell her age is some kind of fear based notion of being "found out" and judged, so I let that go, too. Not that anybody really cares. Most are too busy coming up with the next big thing (or status update) or both to worry about my age, so I won't either! :)

I started my day today with a prayer of GRATITUDE. I thanked the Universe for the abundance of love, friendship, support, success and health in my life. There is so much here now, it's amazing. I am alive, dammit! The simplicity of that gift must never be lost on me, so I celebrate that now.

Then, onto Facebook, where I already see so many sweet messages and a gift from Norn -- a full color illustration of me holding a sign with one of this month's affirmations, "Happiness or Bust"! Go to Nornsisland.com for more about the artist. He is my dear friend, intenSati student and Central Park intenSati pioneer who was there from the first class at 7am on a Tuesday. I told him yesterday what an inspiration he is to me so if you don't know Norn, check him out here or on Facebook.

I am a woman who practices being present to a full range of emotions and experiences, from joy, love and happiness, to fear, sadness, anger or doubt. I share this blog (among other reasons) to encourage you to do the same. To be present to who you are and do whatever you can do to feel your feelings rather then let your feelings get picked off by anesthesizing habits like a poorly thrown pass on a basketball court.

I have basketball on the brain since I just watched a video of my best friend from camp (Kutchers Sports Academy, we're going way back now) talking about her approach to training the team she coaches, which happens to be the Women's Varsity basketball players at CAL BERKELEY. She's a star and I am so proud of her -- shout out to Lindsey Gottlieb and go Golden Bears!!!

As deeply as I admire skill sets and champions in all walks of life, from athletes to artists, scholars to global entrepreneurs, tap dancers to talented, devoted parents who feel like they need to be all the above, I want to remember that being human is where true greatness lies. How GREAT we truly are when we are just living, breathing and being ourselves, with all our foils and imperfections. With such pressure (self inflicted, societal) to maximize our potential and self actualize (haven't used or heard that term in a while) these days I seek to remember when we are being human and when we are loving, we ARE at our greatest and fullest potential.

So, I'm grateful for all my teachers, students, friends and family who remind me even while supporting me in my quest to become a badass writer, actress, singer/songwriter, poet, producer, fitness instructor, business woman and so much more. I am grateful I am loved to the point that when I have moments inside which I lose hope, when I can't SEE it, just for a little while, when it just doesn't materialize outside or resonate on the inside, that I have my people in my life who REFUSE to get blindsided, too. Friends who SEE it for me, in me, as me, while I have my blinders on, temporarily.

When you have people who get you and don't question anymore what you're choosing to focus on, what you expect and demand of yourself, the level of excellence you are working on and towards -- is it not the greatest gift to be with such supportive people, those who love and support you? What a gift!

So, birthdays are a great time to set some intentions and here is what I intend for my 34th year:

To stay the course with what I've chosen to pursue, what I am blessed and free to pursue, to TRUST in the process, and to let life take me to where I can be of greatest good to myself and others, where I can be happy, peaceful, successful, and where I can be of maximum service. I intend to let go of habits that no longer serve me while practicing those that do. I want to be OPEN to the NEW. I also want to have a lot of FUN!!

I refuse to settle for less than what I deserve or deny any truths inside me. Life is WAY too short for that!

A few days ago I told my friend I wanted to write a piece related to the affirmation "Happiness or Bust" and speak to the bust, and we're not talking about the beautiful physical bust with which I'm blessed, amen, but the experience of going for happiness while still feeling it is eluding me. The feeling or energy of "I'm going there or I'm gonna collapse like I'm 50 Cent's 'Get Rich or Die Trying', worrrrrrd, it is HAPPINESS OR BUST, AHHH!!! *$#()@!

Top of the hyperbole mornin' to ya! But you get the point.

To be fair -- it really IS that important. The stakes DO feel that high for me. Do you agree? I certainly do not wish to live my life in darkness, despair, anxiety, worry, ill health, unrealized potential, abuse of myself or poor treatment from others, ALL of which do not qualify as HAPPY in my book. So, yes, whatever it takes to live in the LIGHT and to live a HAPPY life, I do. I go to places in myself and on this earth, from the gym at 6:30AM to authors who speak directly into my ear, I travel where I need to go in my mind, heart and soul. For happiness, I WILL let go of what keeps me down, all to the best of my ability, YES. I care that much. It's who I am, I am motivated and it is a gift.

THAT said, you knew this was coming, I realize that if the energy or intention is one of trying TOO hard or looking for external fixes, the latter of which can be a direct result of the former, well, that's what messes me up and keeps me from feeling the HAPPY that is already there inside me. Inside you. Inside each and every one of us! The HAPPY that can be found whether you're living your dream life already or just learning to dream. The HAPPY that is inside you whether you are surrounded by loving people or in your solitude.

That HAPPY.

So, I surrender here any over exertion or extended effort to GET HAPPY lest I MISS HAPPY which is HERE HAPPY.

:)

So, with that, I let go of 33 and I embrace the new year. It's been an amazing, full, HUMAN year of ups and downs and all arounds. What a gift.

Thank you for being part of one of my greatest gifts, which is Lindspiration and my readership. Thank you, thank you, thank you xoxox!!!!!

Looking back with some Sinatra and ahead with his song THE BEST IS YET TO COME, here we go:

Love,
lbd

Peace, Love and Beauty be with YOU

2011-05-26T06:42:00.004-04:00

Good morning!

I had SUCH an interesting day yesterday from the standpoint of mindfulness, an observer of the self, the "I" behind the LBD, the thinker/feeler/doer behind the thoughts, feelings and actions. Oh, yes. Interesting. But from the standpoint of actual BEING, it was painful.

I was experiencing a lot of very depressed thoughts and feelings. My mood was low. My thoughts were generally pessimistic, hopeless, discouraged, and negative. This, around areas of my job, my career, my health, my body, relationships, people in my life, and this was how I really knew something was up -- after 3 months of mega complaining about the weather in NY, bracing, waiting like a child for a visit from Santa and Rudolph on Christmas morning for some real Spring weather to show up, becoming blissful and gleeful whenever the sun DOES shine, I actually had the thought yesterday: Ugh, it's really hot out. Summer's gonna suck.

:)

I had lunch with one of my closest friends who happens to be as wise as she is loving. Very lucky me. I told her the majority of what I was feeling and something we came to agreement on is that efforts to push away feelings, whether they are grief, sadness, frustration, etc., too prematurely will prevent the necessary transformation and relief. In other words, feel what you feel and be with it in as easy and non-punitive way as possible.

So, I took that advice and my laptop to the river last night to write and reflect on exactly wtf is going on, what might be preventing me from feeling more happiness, contentment and gratitude in my life. Like the inquisitive journalist that I am, I started asking myself questions. I let myself just rant and speak out, hoping the writing would lead to clarity. It did.

Looking back at my notes, I realized that the unhappiness I was feeling seems to fall into a few categories:

*The first is ANGER and frustration with myself for not doing more or better to accomplish my goals. This has to do with pro-activity or lack thereof on the career front, eating habits, appearance, money management, thoughts I choose to focus on -- all the things and factors that at I CAN control, I feel like I'm not doing a good enough job at controlling. I'm very hard on myself but at the same time, there are just some areas that I am really not holding myself up to a standard I believe in. So, in this category, I am not mad at you per se, I'm mad at ME.

*The second is some kind of sizable GRIEF cloud about the past. It's the way I get when, as was the case yesterday, I stop dead in my tracks when I smell the fresh cut grass and it transports me back to summer camp when I was happy and free and running around playing soccer with boys and girls. Nostalgia, folks. Or, when I see a couple smooching and I can feel the closeness of someone I loved as if they were right there with me. I'm no longer alone until I look at where my feet are and realize that in this moment, I actually am alone. I sometimes think I live with my own built in orchestra or soundtrack cued up to play a sad story on strings. Wah wah wahhhhh...

*The third has something to do with a FEAR of who to trust in this game of life. My world is really full and I have coworkers and friends. I run in a lot of different circles. The feeling that is most disruptive to me is not knowing where to put my trust, other than in myself and my higher power. I want to believe that people can really be trusted. We all do, right? Yet, I feel really confused about who to trust and also when I see how self seeking much of us can be sometimes. Myself included. 'Me, me, my, not you' is the song people sing out of fear of not getting, not having enough, not being enough as is.

*The fourth category is ENVY and drawing comparisons. When my envy-meter stars up and I fall into the trap of comparing myself to others, it's a complete and total mess. I think thoughts until I'm convinced I am, have and will be -- nothing. It is corrosive. It is more distressing than anything and it makes me have ill feelings towards anybody who has anything I want that I don't yet have for myself.

SO, those are 4 categories that are pools you might be swimming in if you don't feel well at any given time. If you don't feel happy. Now, you can be as unhappy or as moody as you want to be, right? Look at Woody Allen. I don't know if he'd call himself a HAPPY man, per se, but he is definitely making some significant contributions to society. Some people don't want to be HAPPY out of fear it will cause some sort of disruption to an ability to find truth, understand pain, create art, etc. As far as I understand, and my positive psychology buddies can certainly chime in on this (Louis, Emiliya..) being HAPPY is not about joy, bliss, glee, positivity and optimism all the time. It's a balance between that and the other aspects of the human condition, but I think the importance is being able to feel and understand how to frame and see things in way that brings meaning and feels loving and compassionate.

If you've read this far, I must've struck a cord with you and I hope you find it validating to some degree. Don't worry, I haven't brought you this far to leave you and say Good Luck, although certainly if you want to stop reading now, that's cool. Instead, I want to put a few ideas forth about how to deal and what else I've learned about where to go from here.

Anything I say here is meant to be considered as the words of a writer, not a shrink.

*Allow your anger, grief, fear and envy. That's right. Feel it, feel it, feel it. Let it run through your entire system like an uninhibited group of mountain lions and then, if you need to, punch a pillow, write 10 pages in your journal, pull an Eat Pray Love moment of quiet (or externalized) desperation on your kitchen or bathroom floor, declare it all useless, meaningless, empty and defeating, throw your hands up to the gods and curse every Facebook friend you have, judge, shame and blame, to yourself, all that is in your world. THEN, take a really deep breath, exhale, and see what happens. I would bet $1,000 you'll feel some relief. After that, GO TO SLEEP.

*Line up some new actions ASAP. When I say NEW action, I mean something you haven't tried or done before. A new fitness class. An open mic night. Sending out ONE resume to a prospective employer, Signing up for an online dating site that previously made you shiver but that you're open to now bc it's summer and you want to get laid. Or, you want to meet The One! You see, dating websites are fun bc you can be VERY specific in your wants and line up a few dates with like-minded fellows or ladies. All good. Just take an action!

*Forgive the Past. Huh? How do you forgive the Past? What about people in it? Ok, yes, them, too. Whoever caused you injustice, said No when you wanted a YES, whatever things happened, those moment you can't let go of (Saturday morning, I'm in Prospect Park, sunny, pick up soccer game, I'm 25, BOOM BOO YA, a Jamaican guy on the opposing team comes in for a tackle and crushes my ankle, thus ending my ability to really play 3 surgeries later), you've gotta forgive. It's letting go vis a vis FORGIVENESS. That's how it happens. The same way a mommy forgives a little child for a big mistake that wasn't intentional. That's kind of like how I look at the Past. It wasn't personal. It's just how the Past did its thing. So, imagine getting an apology for hurting you.

Dear Lindsay,
I'm sorry I hurt you. I'm sorry you felt so hurt by certain aspects of me.
Love,
The Past

Dear The Past,
Okay, thanks for the apology. It hurt. A LOT. I would not have chosen it myself but I understand it went down as it did and the time has come to forgive, let go and move on.
Thank you.
Love,
Lindsay

The next point is probably nothing you or I haven't heard before but it bears repeating. Here it is from a text another one of my wise and loving friends (did I mention how lucky I am for the people in my life? XOmg) sent me this morning:

You have a very full life. You have lots of reasons to believe things will work out for you. Whatever you focus on will magnify. I think you need a gratitude list. You did not lose a life. The people affected by the tornadoes and floods have lost lives. Get up and take action toward getting what you want. Said with love. -xxx

So, I would agree wholeheartedly that while GRATITUDE can be something that can lead to complacency if not balanced with realism (ie if you're in a shitty relationship but you keep staying grateful for what is GOOD about it, you might never seek the GREAT you DESERVE) in other ways it is absolutely wonderful and the antidote to feeling unhappy. My mood is always lifted when I turn to gratitude and from there, I have the power and strength to actually start moving in the direction or making changes I want to make. But, it starts with a fair amount of gratitude for the present moment and what you do have in your life that is ABUNDANT.

I know for me I have so much and I get blindsided by unhappiness waves. I miss it! Which is kind of my biggest fear and one that could be a self fulfilling prophesy for the rest of my life if I am not careful. You see, life is good. So good. Too good to miss, actually. Yet, we miss it. Do you miss...

the beauty because you're in the worry

the love coming at you because you're wanting for the love that was never even there in the first place

the quiet because of the storms in your head

the opportunity because you're still mourning the one you missed 5 years ago

THAT, my friends, is my goal and the goal of this very long post on this very humid, sunny(ish), peaceful, fairly okay to good morning in New York City. I want to get what it is here now. What I KNOW is open to me without having to change a single thing except my perspective.

Feeling good about myself, my accomplishments, the friendships, my family, this city, what I've overcome and all that is yet to come...

So, I don't know if that's "HAPPY" but I do know for sure it is PEACEFUL and it is LOVING. That, ultimately, is what I think I am really seeking and in some instances, finding.

More peace. More love. And, more BEAUTY!!!!!!

I love beauty.

Peace, love and beauty be with you. :)

xo,
lbd

4 Love Lessons

2011-05-24T07:33:00.005-04:00

Good am!

I don't write too much about relationships on this blog but every once in a while I'm moved to share what I've learned in the hopes it helps myself and someone else. So, read on if you want to hear a few thoughts I'm putting together this morning about finding LOVE.

For those of you who don't know me, I am a single, white, Jewish but non observant, never married, childless, soon to be 34 (in 4 days) year old woman living and working in Manhattan. I have a college degree from an Ivy League school that still feels like a calling card I want to pull out whenever I meet someone, since my accomplishments in the professional world (I am pursuing a career as a writer and performing artist) don't yet reflect the brainiac I am, in my opinion, so out of insecurity I feel I must emblazon a red C for Cornell on my forehead. When someone on Jdate recently emailed me with a simple "nice resume", I realized I was busted.

So, Lesson #1, people: Don't lead with your resume. The right man is not looking for your report card, your list of accomplishments or your untapped potential. He is looking for you, your personality, your lifestyle and your spirit.

Next, I know a lot of women, myself included, have drama in the head about appearance. Despite those studies that say most men are oblivious to those extra 5 or even 10 pounds, despite a lot of men saying they don't necessarily look for someone drop dead gorgeous but someone who is confident, attractive and takes great care of herself (They check out your nails. Mine are unpolished and chewed, for the record.), despite what we know about physical appearance being fleeting over time and therefore NOT the thing that will sustain a relationship over the long term, I think there is the tendency to obsess over not feeling attractive enough. Since we often attract what we put out, let's take responsibility for that default line of thinking and shift it.

So, Lesson #2: No matter what you look like, whether a conventional beauty, unusually pretty, ugly pretty (you know what I mean -- odd and unconventional yet magnetic), gangly, chunky, plain, whatever, don't discriminate against yourself anymore. For lack of any original or new way to say it, whatever god gave you, just OWN IT. Do the BEST with what you've got bc I don't know a faster way to freedom than that point of view and releasing any line of thinking that says you're not good looking enough to find your soulmate. Come on.

A lot of women are exceptionally good healers. We are deep, insightful, patient, compassionate, open, nurturing, LOVING and wise. We are more evolved than a lot of men who have lived a life of repressing deep feelings, men who have been conditioned to DO and win and fight and fuck and go the distance while distancing themselves from who they really are. Then, we show up. And we're all gushy and sexy and smart and sweet and DEEP, and we show them things that attract them, scare the shit out of them and sometimes, in a very beautiful way, heal them.

HOWEVER, all of that good stuff, which does benefit both parties, can keep you from seeing a bigger picture. IF the relationship is not progressing, if he won't commit, if he doesn't want what you want long term (marriage, kids), if he likes to cheat and apologize, if there are toxic elements to the relationship, then, Lady Houston, you've got a problem.

Lesson #3: It is not your job to heal someone into becoming a perfect partner. Let go of what isn't working and move on. TRUST that life has something even better in store for you. DON'T SETTLE. Stay open for LOVE and a HEALTHY relationship that benefits both parties mutually and equally.

I understand wanting to be with someone that is great even if the relationship isn't. I've gone through it a few times in my life. If you need some song support, go to Patty Griffin's Let Him Fly. It's perfect! "Cause it would take an acrobat and I've already tried all that. I'm just gonna let him fly."

Acrobats are for circus shows and you're not a clown.

OK, final lesson. Sex. We all want it. We all need it. We all have it. We're humans. I'm almost 34, I am free enough to talk about it to some degree on what is mainly a PG-13 ish blog. I can jump right to the lesson here without too much context, other than to say Life is a great teacher.

Lesson #4: Don't confuse GREAT physical chemistry with LOVE! If two people get on really well in the sack, that does not mean either will be falling in love with the other or be available for a real relationship anytime soon! This, no matter how much zee passionne takes over for some amazing few hours. It don't matter. It is fleeting. Great, amazing, but fleeting. So when the hormones settle, the lights come on, the music stops and you can fill in the rest of your own details here, what are you left with?

Two people.

Compatible?

Interested in each other?

Available?

Beautiful?

On the same page?

Wanting each other while dressed?

Perhaps.

Okay, one more thing. Bitter, cynical, negative, pessimistic outlooks on LOVE and attracting it is about as much of a KILLJOY as anything I've come to know. It's not to say it necessarily acts as a repelling device against a wonderful soulmate match, though some would say it does. I've known some women who have met The One while living in a state of negativity, so who knows. I just know that for me, it weighs me down SO much and it's just no fun at all. I am Light and we all are, so anything which represses that Light is just not worth it.

So, Lesson #5, simply put: Lighten up.

Omg, it's almost 9am. I've got to get ready for work! Message me, comment, post, share this post if you enjoy this post, please -- thank you. :)

LOVE you,
lbd

A Day of REST -- Finding Balance in your Fitness Routine

2011-05-23T06:47:00.012-04:00

Good morning!

So, as I write this post, I am enjoying coffee and oatmeal (latest addition -- organic dried granny smith apples which cook amazingly well w/ the cereal and add a nice crunch!) while letting my body relax. I had every intention of getting to a 6:30AM intenSati class today, but after 6 classes in the last 7 days (two of which I taught) I heard a very strong message from my body. Want to know what it said?

Time to take a break, baby. You've been doing amazing and you are getting stronger but now, you need to REST.

I felt a little guilty honoring my body this way and I even had an old thought like "Oh shit, does that mean I have to restrict calories and carbs today to avoid gaining weight?" So, let's address the latter first. No, there is no restricting or dieting necessary. Just a commitment to the usual 1600-1800 calories a day is perfectly fine, carbs included. Enjoy.

As for the guilt, no no NO. The human body is powerful but it still needs time to repair itself and when you REST, energy is restored. It is a very good thing. The mind relaxes, too. To help ease into the idea of a day in full or active recovery (that might mean light stretching or yoga later but nothing high intensity, endurance or strength training related), I share with you the benefits of a REST (R-Repair; E-Efficiency; S-Slowing down; T-Teeing up) day:

Repair -- The body needs some time to repair itself. When you're working out, essentially what is happening is there is a breakdown of the proteins and fibers inside the skeletal muscle and it's during the process of rest that muscle repair happens. This is why interval training is effective, sleep is great for the body and a day off is so good for you.

Efficiency -- I am gravitating towards workouts that take about an hour that I can do about 5-6 days a week. As much as I enjoy going to the gym, there are other places to go and things to do with my time, especially in the summer months when the weather is great! So, by taking some time off to rest, I am reminded that when I AM in the gym, I better be working out efficiently and effectively.

Slowing down -- Ah, yes. The art of slowing down can be a tough one if you're a bit of a speed freak like I am. Sometimes we become used to going a mile a minute until there's a sudden crash on the brakes. So, to avoid such highs and lows, it makes sense to intentionally work some Slowing Down into your schedule. Your body will tell you when it's time to take a step back and slow down, so just listen for a cue.

Teeing up -- When I'm in the rest phase, I can take the time to tee up for my next set of challenges, be them fitness, work related or otherwise. To be in a calm, wise mind state and look at the days ahead while you're in a state of rest can have such benefits. I used to have a bit of a hard time doing this but now I LOVE it. How can you take action if you're not mentally prepared, right? Incorporate a little prep time that will really help you be ON your game. You might want to try a visualization exercise. I've learned that just 5 minutes spent visualizing an accomplishment while in a state of deep relaxation, concentration and focus can really build confidence.

It's exciting to be on the path to reaching your peak!! Just remember the importance of taking a little REST at your present elevation...

Look out.

Enjoy the scenery.

Read a book.

Unwind.

Drink water.

Breathe.

Feel yourself in stillness.

:)

Find gratitude.

All best,
lbd

The Real Fun Factory

2011-05-22T07:22:00.018-04:00

Good morning!

Well, looks like we made it...

Another apocalyptic prediction bites the dust, as we don't turn to dust but rather live to see, breathe, smell, hear and taste another day...

WOO HOOOOOOOOO!!!

I didn't much enjoy flirting with the idea of disaster and the end of the world. I did have a fun time reading Facebook status updates related to the potential drama, though, including my own about the craving for a Friendly's Reeses peanut butter cup sundae, which would still be my last meal on earth but now has moved into an option for my birthday dessert next week.

This morning I want to share and celebrate a shift in perspective I had yesterday about people in my life and the power they do or don't have over me and my future.

I hope it helps teach YOU to embrace your power to create your reality based on the VALUE you place on yourself.

I am an actress and a writer, as you know. The bulk of my work has been exchanged in the world of commerce for little to no money at all. This is not incredibly uncommon for actors in New York to work for free on the short play, short film and even low budget indie film front. For writers amassing clips, it's also not unusual to get published without getting paid. That's how I got published in New York Magazine (250 words back in 2001) and then on BBCA.com, initially, before I started earning money.

Certainly for artists who don't want their creativity in bed with the interests of someone selling a product, there could also be a desire to protect the work 100% and just get it out there for free without any interception. It's one of the reasons I love Lindspiration so much -- my relationship to you, the reader, is entirely based on my content and your desire to read what I have to say. There is nothing else in the picture.

So, yesterday I had a conversation with one of my friends who is also an actress. We were comparing notes about the kind of exposure to the TV/Film industry that brings you into close contact with decision makers. In every business, there are people who make decisions about whether to hire you, so, while it makes sense to accept and embrace that this part of life, it can be easy to fall into thinking that the Decision Makers (from now on referred to as DMs) hold the KEY to your future. As if, THEY are THE ONES who can say YES to you, green light your project, cast you, sweep you up on the magic carpet ride of Success, la la la, etc., etc., etcetera...

When you're hungry for a job or as an actor "your big break", hanging around DMs can feel a lot like being on a diet in a chocolate store or bakery while PMSing. You're wanting, irritable, and feel very deprived...

You can want very much to court a DM, impress, please, and endear yourself to her or him. All the while, you may forget that the world is FULL of DMs, they are making business decisions that are nothing personal, there are usually more opportunities than you realize (truly another door or window to be opened if one closes), and, at the end of the day, YOU have the right and ability to create opportunities for yourself. No DM necessary. You can develop content that is green lit, approved of and hired by YOU.

Last night I found out that my one act play Suspended did NOT advance to the Final Round of the Manhattan Repertory Theatre's Spring Playfest. We were 5th in the running out of 35 plays, YES! However, only 4 shows advance, so we are done. Even though we didn't make it to the finals, I am SO PROUD of myself and my creative team (actor Jake Green and dir. Kevin Bigger) with whom I worked on this piece. I wrote, starred in AND produced Suspended on my own, I spent a couple of hundred my own dollars on all the production costs (although you can be sure next time I will be raising money like a real producer!), and did this all while holding down a full time job.

Suspended is my first play and this process showed me how much is possible for an individual with an artistic vision. It makes me so happy!

So if I can just compare the two energies I'm describing here -- the first is that I am beholden to DMs who have more power, access and clout than me. They are the Good Opinion Powers That Be who hold the key to my future. I better be fortunate enough to get a break, lucky enough to be acknowledged for my own talent, OR, uh oh, willing to change to fit into their mold like a little piece of green Play Doh that gets dropped into the Play Doh Fun Factory machine and out of which comes a square.

Now, despite Play Doh being one of man's simple yet cool contributions to humanity (and one I'd consider putting in my time capsule for future, post apocalyptic generations) I do not want to live my life like a piece of it. Now that I think of it, play doh smells and gets under your finger nails.

The second energy I described comes from doing Suspended and realizing I am my own source for work, creativity and freedom. That I can write, produce, act and do whatever else I want as an artist through my own resources. I can build teams of individuals for collaboration. I can start my own production company. I can buy a camera, start documenting things, interviewing people, putting them up on my blog, etc., etc., there is SO MUCH one can do these days as a self starter. So much that it can be a little overwhelming but no, let's keep it as abundance mind as opposed to too-much-can't-decide-overwhelmed-procrastination-paralysis mind. :) Taking actions is empowering and the sky's the limit!!

So, yes, while there will always be DMs in this world and I want to live in harmonious relations with those who may employ me as an actor or writer and support the growth of my career, I am committed to never away my POWER through a mentality of idolatry, which is about worship or fear. I only worship Source energy, from which all creativity, abundance, art and life emerges (that's the extent of my belief, sorry rapturists) and all I really fear is my own self sabotage, which, THANKFULLY, is being snuffed out by my passion, commitment, love, discipline, desire and faith in myself.

From this exact moment on, all I can do is appreciate what's come before me and be grounded in the present. I intend a state of openness and trust. To all my bold, courageous, self starting, entrepreneurial, artistic, ambitious friends and family, I thank you for being so damn inspiring!! I am so happy to be creating a real Fun Factory and showing up a day at a time for this party! Into my life there's been a big infusion of light, sweet, sexy, silly, honest, smart LOVING people who've taught me a thing or two about what to stand for in my life. If you're reading this post but we've never met, I send that energy and support out to you now as it's been so generously given to me.

All best,
lbd

2011-05-20T05:22:00.006-04:00

Good morning!

I just got back a few hours ago from a fantastic morning intenSati class with Natalia Petrzela. It's an invigorating series and one of the affirmations she teaches is "Believing is seeing". It struck me because I am about 2/3 done with a book called Out of Our Heads: Why You Are Not Your Brain and Other Lessons from the Biology of Consciousness by Alva Noe (I bought it a few weeks ago off the non fiction staff recommendation table at the Strand) and there is a passage in the book that speaks to this topic exactly.

Here is the excerpt:

Stage magicians and set designers have long understood that in many ways our visual experience is not as rich as it seems. The first principle of stagecraft is that the hand is quicker than the eye. It turns out that, to a surprising extent, we see what we expect to see. For this reason we are very suggestible. If the magician gives us reason to think that he has taken the coin from one hand and placed it in the other, well, that's just what we are going to see. Seeing is believing because, in effect, believing is seeing...

The book is heavy on the vision science, which I'm not going to go into, but it ranges from the specifics of how we see objects to how we form precepts and interpretations, place images into context and construct stories to makes sense of what we see.

When I think about the way we form conclusions based not only on what we are looking at but also what we EXPECT to see, I just marvel at the extent to which this impacts how we go about our business. Our society is built on suggestions and it can be so easy to just say Yes to what we're told. From the very basic principles of advertising -- Company A has what you need and want; There is a problem, you have it, and Company B's product solves it -- to politics, from deep intimate relationships to body image, suggestions are all around us.

We possess this power to see what we want to see. If previous attempts at accomplishing your health goals, career ambitions, or an intimate relationship didn't work out, you may let that history impact your future. As if it is determined and bound to repeat itself. It's not. Just like the magician's coin didn't really disappear, neither did your prospect for any of these successes you desire.

Call out the illusions. See the suggestions. Release what isn't for your highest good.

I am sure that you can see your beauty if you open up and are willing to accept yourself as such.

I am sure you can visualize yourself succeeding and accomplishing things that are beyond your wildest dreams if you quiet down, activate your imagination, and SEE IT. Consistently. Every day. With FEELING!

So, I guess the question is, What do you really want to see?

Closing the Door on Perfect

2011-05-19T06:24:00.006-04:00

Writers are usually told "write what you know". It's a solid piece of common sense advice, since very often writing well comes with knowing the territory you're exploring. Or, if it's something you don't know well, being the quizzical, curious one willing to ask questions about a strange, new world...

What is this thing you call creme brulee*? Why do your people use a blow torch as part of the preparation?

*My original post said flan. Oops.

That would be me writing my first food article.

When I think about something I know well, it's perfectionism, the result of which is excellence and, at other times, self criticism and negativity. I'm going to focus on restructuring and helping the latter, since I'm a caught in a little bit of a cycle of it myself.

I'm angry at the weather. Let's just start there. A good barometer for how I'm feeling is how peeved I get at Mother Nature for depriving me and the rest of the tri-state area of sunshine. 5 days straight of rain. For what it's worth, if MN were in the flesh, I'd have a hard time resisting a bitch slap. And I'm a feminist.

If I had to "unpack" my perfection, and that really is a perfect word to use since it's BAGGAGE, I would say that it's about a desire to reach or attain certain standards, a complete lost sense of the time it takes to attain said standards (Oh, overnight success, how you seduce me with you promise of instant gratification. Go away. Go hang with other wannabe instants. Like Sanka.), an over-valuing of the standard paired with an devaluing of what I've already achieved, and, in case you haven't noticed, self absorption.

Focusing on yourself and working towards achieving your goals? Great. Remaining plunged in self evaluation or criticism of yourself and the world around you, as if all that attention will somehow cause change? Defeating.

So, if I were going to get up today and go out into the world as a perfectionist, I can easily crush my spirit. The weather is cloudy-rainy-cool again. I am going to my day job not my dream job. I am teaching intenSati at Equinox tonight but I am still not at my goal weight, so I don't belong. I am coming home to an empty apartment later tonight to continue my latest obsession -- Season 1 of Weeds (LOVE IT) instead of dinner with my sig other (bc I don't have a sig other)...

Self pity is a symptom of perfectionism.

The reason I wake up happy, grateful, content, right sized and in the arms of Good Perspective on some days, while other mornings or days or weeks, I walk around with my hands bound behind my back by the controlling and intrusive Perfectionism, is beyond me.

So, I tell my critical voice, or, I ask my critical voice to please leave me alone. Tiring! I invite the alternative, which is Love and Gratitude:

I invite loving my body that is healthy but not skinny.
I invite loving my abundant career that is unfolding but not at its pinnacle.
I invite loving that I've discovered with clarity what my passions are and I have courage to pursue them every day.
I invite loving a job that pays the bills and puts me in contact with other people who love entertainment as I do.
I invite gratitude for the proximity of my family and friends.
I invite gratitude for enough money in my bank account today.
I invite gratitude for the mild air and the smell of rain on the leaves of trees.
I invite gratitude for my education, all I've learned and what I will continue to learn.

Tara Brach talks about the ease of being with your own imperfection. She understands how much anxiety perfectionism can cause and while I'm not sure how she goes on to explain its roots, she certainly talks about Compassion as a remedy.

Can it be that simple? Really? I think so. I know so. This, because as I finish up this little post and enter into a deeper state of self love, care and compassion, I can feel the thinking slip away. I can feel myself relax. Without any shift in the world around me or substance to calm me down, without an external object to rage at in order to take some focus off my own self criticism, I can feel some easiness.

I think that is the promise of Compassion and as close to Perfect as one can get these days. Alright? All Right...

Love,
lbd

Willing to Fail and Belong

2011-05-17T06:22:00.012-04:00

Good morning! I had this thought yesterday:

I would rather get my butt KICKED and race around New York and LA, leaving no audition stone unturned, only to get REJECTED from every single casting director out there, told I'm too fat, too old, have bad hair and that I can't act, then to not go for my dreams full out.

I would rather be told my writing is a pathetic crapfest and only, after ample amounts of time spent writing, come up with trite, cliched, overdone, half baked stories and scripts that are never published, produced or performed, then to not go for my dreams full out.

AND, I would rather be broke, live with roommates (eegads, no cats, please), live off protein bars and frozen vegetables (assorted Oriental style) and give up certain opportunities to stay comfortable then not go for my dream full out.

ANNNNNND, as long as we're on the subject, I would rather spend ample time alone for reading, writing, taking classes, working on my monologues, performing, auditioning and training my body for all the roles I want to play then avoid my work by procrastinating with whatever it is I like to do in order to avoid going for my dreams full out.

Do I want to succeed? YES. Do I believe I have what it takes from a talent perspective? YES. Do I want it? YES.

And am I willing to fail? YES, with flying colors!!!!!!!!

"I would go most anywhere to feel like I belong."

I think we all yearn to belong somewhere and it does take a hero to be on the journey, the quest, to search for that place where we FEEL belonging. It may be found under a Boddhi tree like Buddha, in front of a class of third graders teaching math, inside a laboratory or on an elaborate action movie set.

These are just outside signposts. Specific. Manifestations of Source. Gifts.

So if "failure" greets me while I am pursuing opportunities, I won't let it rob me of that feeling of BELONGING.

It starts with where you are, right? That place in your heart, the place where dreams are born, and the knowing that wherever you are at in the physical world, no matter what the results, if the dream is there, you DO belong with it.

You are in it now.

You have the choice to live for it, a step at a time, and to be the dancing wanderer down the road towards your destiny.

Wanderer, the road is your
footsteps, nothing else;
wanderer, there is no path,
you lay down your path in walking.
In walking you lay down your path.
~Antonio Machado

Have a great day!

Love,
lbd

Happiness or Bust (a Move)

2011-05-15T06:39:00.013-04:00

Good morning!

For about 10 years, after I made the leap from the publishing world into being a performing artist with a day job, I've worked (either as a temp or permanent staffer) as an executive assistant. While living and working in NYC, I'd clock my 9a-6p (it never ended at 5p) and use my nights/weekends to audition for, rehearse and perform in short plays, films, industrials, dance and vocal performances, as well as to take classes, train and write.

Whenever I'd go back to the office after a show there would be a HUGE low. It felt as if someone had taken a ball and chain and connected it to my ankle and cubicle. The intensity of the feeling was almost unbearable. One of my mentors has listened to my cry many a time during the work day. She's helped me reorient towards gratitude and understand that just because I still had a day job, it doesn't mean I don't have talent. It's part of the journey. She'd guide me to keep listening to my heart and be open, so that I would know for sure if this pursuit really is what I want.

I don't think I was whining. I think, more accurately, my soul was speaking to me and it doesn't whisper.

For years I've mulled over what to do about "this acting thing". Would I be happy just having it as a side activity, a creative outlet, or something just for fun? Why on earth was I dreaming SO big in this one specific area? How would I ever develop the talent, skills and appeal necessary to make it in Hollywood or on Broadway of all places? Who am I to dream THAT when nobody in my family comes from this world or really sees me in it?

Why was I so fucking scared?

That last question -- talk about fodder for the therapist's office. Fascinating. Fear. Why SO afraid? Of rejection, criticism, failure, humiliation, messing up in front of others? WHAT IS THAT...

Success is not a god to worship, nor are all the successful film, TV, and theater industry wonderkinds. Many are brilliant, yes, but they are not here to be feared. Like a punishing god. No. Life is not meant to be viewed that way either. Life is not here to inspire fear in our hearts. The childlike state of asking is great when it comes from humility, when it comes from wonder, when it comes from awe, but not when it comes from intimidation or unworthiness.

Yesterday, I lived my dream life in the real world. In the flesh! I woke up and went to a meeting where the topic was managing anxiety without addictive crutches (coffee excluded). Then, I went to Central Park and had the deep pleasure of teaching intenSati to my students under a grey sky that refused to rain on our Sati parade! After that, it was home for a little bit and then to get a haircut. I love my new layered locks. Moving right along, I had therapy at 3pm. I processed a few things and got CLEAR. I saw patterns I am repeating that are not for my highest good. I saw new patterns I am creating which are!

Yes, you can have more. Yes, you can have it all. No, you don't need to settle. Yes, love with a wonderful man and babies is coming down the pike!! It may feel like an unusually long, somewhat curvy pike but IT IS COMING. I believe.

Then, I had the last Round 1 performance of my play "Suspended" at Manhattan Repertory Theater. It did not feel nearly as strong as Friday night's show, but I was still very proud of it and SO grateful to live out my passion. Again. 3rd time. For so many friends!! Pure wonder.

After that it was off to the diner with a few of my wonderful friends. I came home and there was an illustration of me by the brilliant Norn Cutson with one of the affirmations I wrote for my May intenSati series -- "It's HAPPINESS or BUST!" There's more, but I'll unroll at a later date...

The point is, I was living what I've been desiring and intending. I decided that when it comes to "Happiness or Bust!" and turning my MAYbe into a MUST (that's another mantra I wrote for this month), that I must be going for all my dreams in full effect. Color. Reality. Now. I can not settle for less because then I will not be happy. So, my happiness is a little conditional, I guess! My happiness is contingent upon freeing myself. Gone must be any and all shackles hindering me from pursuing every opportunity to create the success I desire

I am focused on my future and know that my acting/writing is not a side thing. It never really was...I know that there are no gods above me to worship, just the Light within me, the same Light that is within everybody.

It is always up to the player to approach the game and, as we say in intenSati, PLAY FULL OUT! When you want something but you also live with the doubts in your head, you can feel like you have a split personality. Rocky on one shoulder. Conan the scaredy cat on the other.

You wonder which is true because they both feel powerful and strong.

They both make you feel surges of emotion.

So, it's player choice. I choose this:

And this:

"Every moment you are expanding to more. Every moment the larger part of you is becoming. You have to look forward. Tell the story of where you're going not where you've been. Of where you're going not where you are." -Abraham

I have SO MUCH to be grateful for in the now, so it's not as if I have little to embrace, validate and appreciate. That said, I have SO MUCH MORE I want to create and I feel readier than ever to step it up. I AM "in the world of where I'm going."

I want it, I want it, I really really really really really really really REALLY really want it.

I can have it.

Change the "or" to an "and" and what do I get? "It's Happiness and BUST!" That is exactly how I want to live. I want to bust through my fear more and more! To close, a song that captures it ALL for ME and for DJ, my first fictional character created for the stage, who I love. Very much. :)

LOVE,
lbd

To Live the Developing Dream

2011-05-12T07:07:00.000-04:00

Good morning!

I woke up calmer than I've been in about a month, when I began the process of producing Suspended for the Spring Playfest at Manhattan Rep. For those of you new to this blog, Suspended is a one act play I wrote in 2006 that I dusted off and started submitting to short play festivals here in the city. I'm 2 for 2 as far as getting into the festivals I entered.

The first was in January and the second is currently underway. I produce the whole thing and act in it, too. It's been stressful but beyond fulfilling. Casting the role (twice), finding a director, arranging rehearsals around our three schedules, working out coverage at work, finding the time to practice on my own, plus, of course, wanting to be amazing, can feel like a lot to handle!

Good think I have a lot of help. Big up to big and little H. Thanks, Universe!!!

Sometimes I think I have to be the acting equivalent of the Second Coming just to get noticed in this city, since it's such a strong pool of talent. To a certain extent that is true. :) The actors and writers I know who are pursuing and doing this professionally are extremely devoted. Many are also extremely talented. We work 1, 2, sometimes 3 jobs on top of acting work to be able to afford living here and pay for classes, voice lessons, head shots, meals and everything else.

I didn't always know I wanted to be a writer and an actress. Rather, this dream developed a lot like a Polaroid picture.

Shake it. Come on shake it. Woo woo! Shake it. Shake it like a polaroid pic-turrrrre!

The trying, testing and doing gave me information that I DO want to be doing this and that I LOVE it very much. I perform, write, take classes, drag my prop suitcase around the city (I answer everybody's "Oh, where are you going? Taking a vacation?" with "YES, a vacation into the mind and my imagination. I have a show and these are my props."), and see my progress.

I know I'm coming from LOVE on this one. I love my play. I love myself in the play. I love not knowing at all if it's really "good" or not then hearing feedback and getting people's reaction to the work. I love thinking about the next play I'm going to write. I love reflecting on what got me to this place, including that class I took at Cornell -- Classic Plays of the American Theater with Prof. Gainor -- which blew my mind, not only because of the genius in the great works I read, but probably because I unconsciously aspired to write one myself!

I love thinking those magical four words:

I can do that.

I hear my feet go pitter pat...Said I can do that. That I can do!! One morning sis won't go to dance class. I grabbed her shoes and tights and all, but my foot's too small so!

There is a lot of noise out there in cyberspace. Facebook feels noisy to me, Twitter, the blogosphere, it's all feeling a bit headachy to me. I am craaaaaaaaaaving some very simple things right now -- quiet time to write, opportunities to perform, time spent hanging with people I love, working out, being in nature, doing those dailies to keep my life and home in order (how much do I love Fresh Direct), and reading. I am on line a lot but feeling VERY less interested in doing it these days, much as I don't want to miss anything.

One more thing. One of my best friends in the world is a genius in a lot of areas and one of her wisdom pearls is about loving exactly where you are NOW. Anytime I get into the poo poo's about having a "day job" and being "stuck at a desk for 40 hours a week" she is there like Zoro but instead of a Z she has an X -- to X out my negativity, of course -- then an O, to make "XO". That is LOVE, yes, which is what I need to find to stay in alignment. Loving exactly where I am, she tells me, will bring me closer to my dreams coming true. It's getting into the negativity that actually repels it and keeps those things I want further away. So, I offer that to you this morning. A chance to turn your X into an XO. :)

I think I'm going to end on that note because it makes me happy.

Have a beautiful day!!

Catch Suspended this FRIDAY at 6:30PM or Saturday at 6:30PM at Manhattan Repertory Theater (303 W. 42nd St, 3rd Fl). Tickets are $20. It's suggested you make a rezzie by calling RESERVE YOUR TICKETS today by calling (646) 329-6588. Please book in advance -- it's a small house which will likely sell out.

Best, xo
Lindsay

2011-05-10T10:54:00.003-04:00

Rehearsals for "Suspended" are going really well! Good thing, since we open tomorrow night. Come check us out at Manhattan Repertory Theater (303 W. 42nd St) as part of the Spring Festival One Act Competition. Showtimes are this Wed, Fri and Sat at 6:30PM ET. Make your reservations by calling (646) 329-6588. Tix are $20 and payable in cash (only) at the door.

I am loving this process and hope you can come to see us perform! Thank you for the continued love and support.

Best,
Lindsay

My Own Baby (or, a Mother's Day post)

2011-05-08T06:37:00.011-04:00

Good morning!

I am on the path to motherhood. I know this because I feel a deepening maternal energy for myself, my friends and my students. I am growing into a healthy caretaker, which is an intention of mine actualized, since there was a period of time where I couldn't trust myself with myself.

My mother is amazing and well. We're meeting later today with my dad and brother to see the off broadway show Freud's Last Session. Then we'll go for dinner at a French bistro and share the deepest recesses of our psyches over very small portions. May I have an order of the ego-got? Sorry! I mean escargot.

Speaking of therapy, I recently spent time in a session of my own talking about the sheer sense of disbelief that I feel around the subject of me and motherhood. I never in a million years thought I would be childless, let alone single, approaching my 34th birthday. Never thunk it! I am truly surprised. I was always ahead of the curve in just about everything except arts and crafts. Couldn't draw a straight line to save my life. Yet, here I am, witnessing so many of my friends with beautiful children and just wondering how this happened. Was/is it my belief system? Is it fate. I don't know.

The shift for me yesterday was to realize I'm really not behind any curve at all. Or, more specifically, I can choose to think something more healthy, inspiring and pleasant than the more punitive and damaging idea that I am losing some sort of race to the parenthood finish line. God, I just had this image of running with a baby in one arm and a diaper bag in the other, dropping my child's toys and binkie onto the pavement, just trying to get there to say, "I am here! I made it!" If ever there was a space not to be competitive, it's motherhood.

I should also mention that if I wasn't almost 34 I would not feel like I even needed address the motherhood thing. In other words, I don't really want to be a devoted mom right now. I want to be a devoted writer and actress and fitness instructor who gets her break and has a lot of success and abundance. That feels like a much bigger priority to me today than procreating. I know they're not exactly mutually exclusive but I like and need time to work and focus. I can't imagine I can do that with a family just yet.

I believe in Divine timing. I really do. I am more peaceful than ever before and feel that I am being green lit to feel more free in my own life. To enjoy it now! To manifest the success I desire, wherever it takes me in the world. As a single woman, I am free to pursue all my dreams and devote myself to what I want to be doing without guilt. As long as I sign up for Faith a day at a time, there is really no space for big worry.

I can choose to live in the loving presence of my Higher Power who knows the right time and person with whom to start a family.

So, for today, I gratefully focus on what I've got. I've got a FABULOUS mom who is going to get all teary eyed over the heavily discounted yet attractive item I found for her at Pottery Barn on the UWS. I have an abundant group of friends who are mommies. They will no doubt be celebrating their little miracles today and I will share in that celebration of joy. I have groups of students and friends who truly seek me out, very specifically, for the energy, guidance and, yes, motherly wisdom that I offer; I feel very loved by them and the feeling is mutual.

I'm going to go take a walk now (sans baby, diaper bag or binkie) and then get down to working on my lines for an upcoming show. I love free time. The city is gorgeous and it's going to be a beautiful day!

Details for my own baby, aka the first play which I wrote, produced and act in called "Suspended", are as follows:

May 11, 13 and 14 at 6:30PM
May 26th are the finals so, pending our advancement, we'll perform again at 6:30PM and 9:30PM
Manhattan Repertory Theater is at 303 W. 42nd (it says Times Square Arts Center)
Tix are $20
RESERVE YOUR TICKETS today by calling (646) 329-6588. Please book in advance -- it's a small house which will likely sell out.

Happy Mother's Day to you and yours!!! May it be peaceful and abundant!

Lindsay

About Those Four Agreements...

2011-05-06T06:24:00.017-04:00

Good morning!

A few years ago, my acting coach, Tom Todoroff, introduced me to a book called The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. It is a simple yet profound book that introduces Toltec Wisdom vis a vis a grouping of four specific ways of living that, when applied, relieve you from suffering. These are:

Be impeccable with your word. Don't take anything personally. Always do your best. Don't make assumptions.

Adhering to the final agreement, I won't assume you've heard of or read this book. Allow me to strongly suggest you pick it up because it was a game changer for me and I think you'll love it!

Years later, in my intenSati practice, the book was referenced and drawn upon by various teachers, including intenSati founder/creator Patricia Moreno and more recently, Darbi Worley. Two months ago, the series that Darbi did drew from these agreements and one affirmation she taught was, "I am immune to what others think." This affirmation really hit home for me because of that word immune, which for me draws word associations like protected, shielded, or impervious. Unaffected. Wow.

It makes sense from the standpoint of negative but the thing about this agreement is that it includes the "positive" things people say, too? So if you think my acting is shit or you think it's STELLAR, it doesn't affect me at all? Exactly. Nothing is personal. It's all, as Ruiz says, a function of your "dream" and really has nothing to do with me.

As someone who goes through so called "rejections" in the audition room, with writing submissions and in the world of dating, I like this agreement very much. I had the chance to practice it in full force the other day when, after checking the "search key terms" section of my blog (those words which you all google to get to Lindspiration!) I found "lindsay davis fired from intenSati". Excuse me?

Back story: a 9am intenSati Saturday class I was teaching at Equinox was removed from the schedule. The only reason, I was assured, was because of the need to find a good time for the beautiful bodysoulSati class that Patricia was rolling out. The gym I was teaching at is a prime location. This 9am slot worked for her and used to be her slot anyway before her pregnancy leave. SO, as much as the decision was upsetting for me, it was truly NOTHING PERSONAL. I was certainly not fired.

Yet, somehow or another, someone formed the opinion that I was and after I saw it in fine print, I realized I am affected by information that isn't true. Have you ever discovered you're the subject of gossip? It never feels good no matter how old you are, right?

After I spoke to Darbi and Patricia about it, I was actually reminded to be grateful my "Don't take anything personally" muscles were getting an excellent workout. I was also reminded that as I have a presence on the internet -- and who doesn't nowadays, really, but mine is more pronounced because of my work -- and the internet technically counts as the public eye, as my work (acting, writing, fitness instruction) keeps growing out there in the world, it will always be evaluated by others.

Of course, some people will like it and others won't. I will be some people's most perfect spot of tea. For others, I might be chalk on a chalkboard. Hope not, but it is what it is! Can you see how the Universe gave me exactly what I need to be working on with this test? I have a heightened proclivity towards outside opinion and to grow deeper in faith, independence and immunity to others' external dreams, I was given a GREAT opportunity to deal with a little blip of one concerning my teaching reputation. Thanks, Universe!!

One other thing I want to say is that even as I write Lindspiration and teach intenSati, I don't want to tell you how to live your life today because there are no answers that I have found for me that I necessarily think or KNOW are the ones for anybody else. I don't find freedom in that, mainly because I think we all are different and because I have a ways to go with my own applications of the principles I am learning, practicing and implementing. I don't know if I'll ever feel like I have a right to tell anybody what to do, but I certainly don't right now. I have learned a lot which I am happy to share and hope that by talking about my own experiences (which is pretty cathartic for me, thank you) while I'm in the learning process, I might cause a little stir inside your soul or awaken you to your own source of wisdom.

I hope it helps you connect to Knowing from which point you may feel more alive and connected to your heart. I don't always share about my struggles and what I'm still dealing with in this space. I actually feel more excited to be writing in the fictional realm (I'm working on plays and screenplays) then in personal memoir fashion, but you can trust me when I say my challenges are there and I don't always "succeed" but I am dedicated to doing my best (there's another agreement!) to live in a way that makes me feel proud, happy, and peaceful. I wish the same for you and hope we all come as close to the manifestation of exquisiteness that I believe Source wants for everybody. Nothing more but certainly nothing less...

Thank you for reading and enjoy your day!!

Best,
LBD

Whose Quote is it Anyway?

2011-05-03T07:35:00.006-04:00

Good morning!

Something happened yesterday that synched up with a thought or, more specifically, an issue I've been having for a while. In the wake of Osama Bin Laden's death, a quote attributed to Martin Luther King, Jr., spread like bright ink in clear water on Facebook and the web. It said:

‎I mourn the loss of thousands of precious lives, but I will not rejoice in the death of one, not even an enemy. Returning hate for hate multiplies hate, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.

It was only after a writer from The Atlantic searched its origins did she discover Martin Luther King Jr. did not say these words. I realized I never heard this quote before and since it's such a good one, almost certainly would have if MLK said it himself! It seemed obvious after the fact.

The same day, a fellow intenSati instructor wanted to use a line from an email I sent her as an affirmation in her series. It was nothing particularly elaborate or creative. Just common sense information: if you don't know how you'll figure it out! Yet, when she said it I made a joke "Credit, please! :)" and felt a sense of ownership over this little piece of very basic life instruction. Why I was feeling possessive over something we are all told in kindergarden is beyond me.

I'm one of those people who likes to know who said something FIRST. My ego loves first. Just the other day, I was looking at Simon Sinek's website and book which is all about discovering the WHY of what you to do as a means to finding your life's purpose. GREAT message and he is so wonderful delivering. But, it sounded familiar to me. Sure enough I found a Tony Robbins clip where he speaks a lot about the power of the WHY. Then, I realized that of course Mr. Robbins can't be the first speaker or teacher who ever thought of and communicated this idea. Answering the WHY is as a means of self discovery that's been around for ages but if Simon Sinek is the latest guy to bring it forward in a very compelling way, which he does (love him!), then more power to him...

I had a similar reaction right after Obama made the announcement of Osama's death and I made the joke about Trump asking for the long form death certificate. Then, I saw Nicholas Krisotff TWEETED the joke (not after seeing mine, we're not friends on Facebook yet) and a friend's brother made the joke himself (we ARE friends on Facebook but he didn't steal it from me). Yet, somehow, I wanted credit. My little ego was like, Mine, MINE! Give me the credit for making a funny. I said it first.

Yes, Honey. You made a funny. Well done.

How old am I?!?!?! EGO, ego, go away, come back another day!

Similarly, I get very hot and bothered when people quote 12 step wisdom. The 12 step Alcoholic Anonymous program of recovery developed in the mid to late 1930s. It spawned many program slogans and quotes. I don't know the origins of said quotes. Maybe sober alcoholics came up with them, maybe drunk alcoholics did ("Fake it til ya make it!" woo hooo). I don't know. Perhaps they were taking from something each person read, a little of both, who knows? What I do know is when I hear someone say a program quote without giving credit to AA, it makes me sober skin crawl. Yet, it's done so often now and people pass along slogans and ideas as if they are saying it or discovering the wisdom themselves for the first time and you know what, who am I to judge?

Most recycled ideas are so commonsensical you've probably heard them in kindergarden, yet, and what we really have is something similar to Columbus "discovering" America. The Native Americans were already here, that's what we learn when we're old enough (3rd grade?) to realize what was really happening. Certainly intellectual property law addresses questions of copyrighting and what you can claim as yours, what can be borrowed, adopted, adapted and molded into something of your own creation. We hear song hooks all the time that feel oddly, vaguely, familiar, writers use jokes that have worked since people figured out that laughter is the best medicine, and fashion is so "inspired" by its predecessors you sometimes feel like designers are not even trying to come up with something new and bold but just relying on tear sheets from magazines left on a shelf in the bathroom.

I'm not saying it's easy! Certainly I obsess with being original and creative. As an actress and writer, I get very frustrated if I feel like I'm imitating anybody. I affirm each day that I'm authentic and try and get out of my own way. Sometimes I succeed. Other times, I do not.

The bottom line, I guess, is when it comes to wisdom and common sense instruction, there really is a ONE MIND source that we all are swimming in and from whom we learn what we need to learn, hear what we need to hear and see what we need to see at the right time. I'm not sure why it sounds better from certain people's mouths (I just wrote mothers my accident, interesting word slip!) than others. I don't know why I have this issue with being possessive but I'm sure it has something to do with a desire to be seen and validated by others. I can smile when I hear myself getting cagey in my mind. It actually fascinates me now.

So, I will share with you a quote that I didn't say but am saying now, not as my own, but as a pass along. It's from God. Or, people who claim to be speaking God's words. In Genesis:

LET THERE BE LIGHT

Thanks for reading. Wishing you love and light today :)

Best,
Lindsay

Rest in Peace

2011-05-02T07:31:00.009-04:00

"What, do they sell combination locks under the Giuliani name?" I asked.

"No, it's the real Rudy Giuliani. Former Mayor of NYC. He runs a consulting firm and they have an opening to assist the CEO of the security firm," my temp agency told me.

"Oh, thaaaaat, Giuliani. Does it matter that I'm a liberal feminist?"

"Eh, I don't think so. Just don't bring that up in the interview."

And so began my experience of working as an Executive Assistant to the CEO of Giuliani Security and Safety, a division of Giuliani Consulting, the former Mayor's private firm which focused on security issues. After only a few weeks I was asked to go from temp to perm. I was about 28 at the time and the salary offer was more than anything I'd ever seen working admin. At this point I was a struggling actress/writer who was not getting paid much for either so if I was going to have a day job again, I'd at least like to be able to afford some sushi.

"That's right. You let those Republicans take good care of you, honey."

Thanks, mom.

And so began my first foray into counter-terrorism land. I was employed full time at GSS for the period before, during and after Mayor Giuliani's presidential run. I quit shortly after he lost Florida. I was exposed to his inner circle and their inner circles. I listened a lot and fashioned myself a feminist fly on the wall. At times I wanted the Mayor to win the presidency, if only because then I'd be able to share some views on policy. I dreamt of having influence. I remember going into the VP's office and explaining why Rudy looks stilted and awkward on the podium. I thought he should try meditating before going on stage.

When I was first hired to assist Pat D'Amuro, the former Assistant Director in charge of the NY FBI, former advisor to President Bush, frequent on-air contributor to CNN and the man who lead the investigation into the 9/11 terrorist attacks (he was the head of the FBI's counter terrorism office) I thought this was a cosmic joke. I had been shocked and awed from 9/11, which happened while I was working in the back issues library of New York Magazine (my first real job out of college) in midtown. For a while after the attacks, all I wanted was to move out of the city. I had recurrent dreams and ocd like symptoms whereby I imagined planes falling from the sky. I tried Zoloft. It helped but I still wanted to move to Colorado.

So, when I was confronted with an employer whose major concern, for lack of better words, was ALL THINGS 9/11, I realized this might be something of a growth opportunity. Hez bo la hez bo hez bo la HUH? Scary. Osama? No thank you, prefer not to think about it, if you don't mind. My boss and his department were retired from the FBI, NYPD and NYFD and whether or not you agree or disagree with their politics (I disagreed) what you could not deny was they were focused on keeping America safe. They had passion. They had purpose. They had balls.

Over time, I became courageous enough to dip my brain into content and began doing the occasional research assignments and analyst stints. Nothing major but I was picking up a lot of information and it was all fascinating. To understand the origins of worldwide anti-US sentiment, constructive as opposed to failed attempts to destroy our country, to begin to probe the crossover interests of homebound domestic terrorist groups as well as the way government actions help or hinder international groups, all of this was compelling. I think I needed to get over some fear and this was one way to do it! It certainly made for interesting conversation when I went home for the holidays.

A dinner for Passover went something like this:

"So, how's work honey?"

"It's fine. Did you know that the real threat is not Al Qaeda in Afghanistan but Hezbollah in Pakistan and that Osama is really more like a king, a monarch, with no real power anymore but significance and symbolism nonetheless?"

"Oh, okay. No I didn't know that. That's amazing. Did you want a matzo ball in your soup?"

I developed a deep respect for the people who care enough about these matters to spend their lives helping the cause.

Fast forward a few years and I am writing the morning after President Obama's late night announcement that Osama Bin Laden is finally dead. The US accomplished its mission and the country is celebrating. Facebook and Twitter feeds are full of sentiments ranging from "Drag his body through the streets of NY!" to "Peace. That's what's on my mind." I am still thinking I'm cut out for SNL, since my first reaction to hearing the news was "Is Trump going to ask for the death certificate?" Apparently a few others had that joke in mind, including Nicholas Kristoff.

Glad to be on the same page as the NY Times columnist but all jokes aside, this is a big deal. Of course the threat of terrorism is still ongoing and pronounced, but at least there can be some peace in our minds and hearts. This man, whose conspiratorial leanings lead to the death and suffering of thousands not only in the US but across the world, a man who remained so elusive it made the US look like a 5 year old trying to play "Where's Waldo?" and failing, is finally down where he belongs. In the ground.

One more thing -- and this is tangentially related but not really since it all stems from similar seeds of ignorance, fear, misogyny, violence and social mayhem -- I was reading a little more into the sexual assault of CBS reporter Lara Logan that occurred in Egypt a few months ago. She was attacked, groped and penetrated by a group of men for about 25 minutes. I paid attention when this happened but not for too long. It hurt to think about it and I didn't want to, I guess. Yet, after last night's news I did return to the story and felt so sad for her and the scores of women around the world who are attacked. I had to ask myself what on earth it is going to take to heal violent groups whose interests range from rape to the take down of large office buildings full of westerners. Obviously this question keeps people up at night. Personally, I couldn't come up with an answer. I read enough to know that some say it is mainly a question of economics and education, that we need to start with the youth and future generations. I don't want to sound like a cynic but that sounds herculean and, sadly, it feels out of reach.

In all my years in NYC (I never did leave for Colorado or anyplace else and still work Times Square albeit for a media property not Rudy's firm, which is now defunct), I've never really felt safe. On some level, conscious or not, I am afraid for my safety every day. I remember conversations I had at GSS with some of my department who agreed that NYC is a prime target for terrorist activities and we will very likely witness something devastating again in all our lifetimes. They said it's reality not fear mongering. So, while I am encouraged by the news that Osama Bin Laden is dead and will certainly listen to analyst's views on what this means for the War on Terror, I don't feel all that different than yesterday. Maybe a little relief. Some hope. A little.

I want peace and safety as much as the next person. I am so grateful to people who devote their lives to serving this country in one form or another, who put their lives on the line and political differences aside, all in the name of peace. At the end of the day, liberal hippie chicks and dudes have as much in common with right leaning men and women who serve in the military, government or elsewhere to protect America. One of the effects of politics is that it causes rifts (heightens them, actually, to serve party interests) when there is really so much UNITING our country. We all want peace. We all want it now. If the death of Osama Bin Laden brings anything to mind for me this morning it is this: May he rest in peace and may world peace become reality for all the rest.

Best,
Lindsay

MAY intenSati Series -- Turn your maybes into MUSTS!

2011-05-01T06:26:00.014-04:00

Good morning!

Most of you know that I teach a fitness practice created by Patricia Moreno called intenSati. The word "intenSati" combines "inten" for intention and "Sati', which is a Pali word for mindfulness. The workout itself consists of high cardio fitness moves you've seen and perhaps done before in aerobics, kickboxing, dance and yoga, with POSITIVE AFFIRMATIONS spoken out loud.

It's really fun and it's an incredibly powerful system for getting your thoughts, feelings and actions in alignment and on the same energetic plane. It's like a language, since each intensati ACTION (for example, single punches) has an ATTITUDE (in this case, STRONG) and then an affirmation (for example, "I am strong now"). The ACTIONS and ATTITUDES stay the same but the affirmations do change. Part of the fun for me is I get to write my own since I am a Level 3 instructor.

The series I wrote this month came out of my desire to deepen my present moment awareness and presence, find more certainty and commitment to my big dreams, and to really get into a strong, positive energetic state that will match the state of how I'll feel when I accomplish my goals. Part of the practice is feeling your success from the inside before the outside necessarily matches up, which it will, if you stay committed.

I hope you enjoy my series (posted below) and COME TO CLASS with me this month! I am teaching today (11AM) and on May 19 (6:30PM) at Equinox 19th St. Every Saturday at 10:30 AM I am teaching an outdoor intenSati class in Central Park. It's FREE! Email lindspiration@gmail.com for all the info or join "Central Park intenSati" for up to the moment info about class.

Many thanks and have a beautiful, powerful month!!

MAYbes into MUSTS (2011)

I am on from the start (WILLPOWER)! This is about needing to be present and ready to go powerfully from the get go. Whether it's performing on stage, teaching/taking class, being ready at work at 9am, this is about strong starts! My best coaches and teachers have reinforced this throughout my life.

My maybes now are MUSTS (CONVICTION)! Tony Robbins talks about how when a BELIEF becomes a CONVICTION, your whole world changes. I recognized a few maybes in my life and when I turned them into MUSTS, it really caused a shift inside and out. I made a MUST LIST and it is full of things ranging from reaching goal weight to having the big time success in acting, writing and producing that I deeply want and of course meeting The One. Now they are musts and as I give them greater importance, I feel myself acting and attracting even more and quickly! Make your must list.

I have desire from the heart (DESIRE)! I ask myself every day what I really, really, really, really, REALLY really want. I call it up. I see what I desire and trust my heart desires are PLANTED there by Source for a reason. Call it up from the heart!

It's happiness or bust (HAPPY)! Ahhh. Choosing happiness. Choosing "happy for no reason", which means it ain't about getting what you want, it's about tapping into the happiness in ourselves now. I am not a Polly Anna by any stretch and for me, HAPPY can happen when I am feeling any emotion, as long as I'm in acceptance and love for myself.

I am so tapped in (PLAY FULL OUT)! This is about really tapping into who you are, what you want, where you want to go and what makes YOU happy. It's also about tapping into Source energy. When I am tapped in, I move with ease, I am intuitive and I feel the absence of time.

I am done looking back (NO REGRETS)! I've made mistakes. I've done things that are out of alignment with who I am and the woman I want to become. Who hasn't? I can spend a lot of time looking back and wondering why certain things when down as they did, but I choose not to do that because I am done and it no longer serves me. I reflect on my past sometimes for clarity but the majority of my gaze is forward, inward and in the moment.

I am aware I am great (GREAT)! I love the permission we give ourselves in intenSati to really celebrate our greatness. When we say that we are brilliant, we are genius, we are love, we are GREAT, it can sound a little weird to some. It took a little getting used to for me as well but once I realized we are not pumping our ego for separateness, we are actually stoking the fire of GREATNESS that unites us all and brings people together, I freed up. Now I celebrate mine and yours which I know are part of the Universal greatness. Pretty GREAT, right?

I am empowered to the max (EMPOWERED)! I do seek maximum empowerment, which to me looks like very deep self love and self care, radical acceptance (Tara Brach's phrase for how to be in the moment), being of service, and reaching full potential.

I always do my best (CONFIDENCE)! This is one of Don MIguel Ruiz' FOUR AGREEMENTS and a way to free yourself from comparisons to others or any envy. There is no competition, ultimately. This was a strange one to get my head around but once I did, once I realized it is only about doing MY best and nothing else, I felt freedom. So, I hope you play with that this month!

Any hurdle I will clear (CAREFREE)!I love pairing this attitude/action with an affirmation about clearing hurdles, since I used to get all in kahoots about certain challenges and when the bar was raised, I'd get nervous. Now, I say yes to clearing hurdles. It is FUN! I practice feeling free and relaxed and at ease like a runner, a sprinter, and know the truth -- it is all in the mind.

Yes, I rise with every test (COMMITMENT)! Oh, yes. We are tested all the time in pursuit of our dreams. What are we willing to do? Where are we willing to go? Will you say YES if everybody and their mother says NO? When success shows up, that's a TEST, too. Truly. We are tested. We rise. We are tested. We rise again. Rise, rise, rise....

The moment's now my time is here (NOW)! When you let the Universe know about your intention to have it now, when you say I'm ready, things start to move. I'm not saying things are delivered to your doorstep via UPS instantaneously or that we are so powerful we can control timing down to the last moment. I believe there is a higher authority on that front. However, we can be here NOW and ready NOW so that as the Universe does conspire on our behalf, we will be ready to accept it all and welcome it in.

I'm moving onto something better (INTENTION). This is an important one to practice. It can mean a better thought -- I am moving onto a thought that is more loving, honest, gentle or empowering. Or, a better job. A better relationship. It's not to get all judgmental because as i"m learning, there is really nothing to label as "good" or "bad" or "worse" or "better" so I guess in this case, when I say BETTER I mean more in alignment with who I am. Your work, relationship, thoughts -- they can all reflect your greatness, brilliance and talent. They can all be expressions of your passion and love. If they aren't, isn't it time to move ON? Out of all the affirmations in this series, this is the one I found most challenging.

My soul (GRATITUDE) reaches higher ground (POSITIVE EXPECTATION). Omg, I love this so much. I can't wait to practice this affirmation in Central Park. The soul wants to expand. It is unlimited. I've learned when I feel depressed sometimes it's because I am just denying my soul its expansion. Then, when I do something soulful, I feel so much better.

My light (Namaste hands to forehead) goes on and on forever (ENERGY). This is the gift of knowing we are light and our light is INFINITE. It was here before us and will be here long after we leave the physical plane. It connects us. The light that goes on and on forever is the reason we feel oneness, intuition, inspiration and so much more. Enjoy.

Love (COMPASSION) and kindness I have found (LOVE). It is so good for me to end the series with an affirmation of love and kindness. At the end of the day, discovering deeper love and kindness in myself and others is more important than anything else.

So, that's my series! I am grateful and can't wait to hear how it feels to you to experience it yourself! Drop me a comment here or email to lindspiration@gmail.com. See you in class!

With LOVE,
Lindsay

Cookie Monster Thinking

2011-04-26T07:02:00.006-04:00

Good morning!

I woke up with a knowing that I truly AM who I want to be. That the whole time I've been what and who I long for yet I felt fractured from it. An aspect of me which some call the Ego prefers to think I am NOT that which I want to be. It thinks you probably are and if you actually are, it tells me to be very afraid because then there's none left for me.

As if traits and qualities are like the last cookie in the jar and I need to steal it.

I was not born to follow. I love learning and being taught but I am not a follower and as I establish footing in my own career and my personal life, I can feel my true self emerging. Being me, expressing myself authentically, this is what makes me feel most connected to my Higher Power. I looooooove feeling connected to HP, so I am further drawn to be real. There is incentive in Source.

It is crushing to get up every day and feel cut off from who you are. I know this, because I've spent years feeling this way with only momentary glimpses of Me which felt like those little rays of sunshine that peak through an otherwise cloudy day (aka the last 4 months in NYC but not today, woo hoo!!!). I always thought it was something like my job that kept me feeling the way I did. As if being an Executive Assistant is the thing which compels me to forget I'm a brilliant, creative artist. Or, that making a certain salary causes me to forget I'm as intelligent and worthy as people making a looooot more than what I make but we just chose different tracks. Even being single was an outside circumstance to blame, as if it is the reason I forget my beauty, sensuality, attractiveness and loving nature.

If you are letting your life become an amnesia activator, can you wake up and start remembering who you really are?

Trusting in who you are before your external circumstances match or reflect it, committing to expressing yourself before others even give a shit to hear it (I used to post this blog for me, my mom and 6 friends. I'm now at about 300 reads a day now on average and that really feels great), and letting go of this limited, tiny COOKIE MONSTER THINKING to embrace the incredible, limitless ABUNDANCE in this Universe that manifests and appears through you, through ALL of us, is what I call true FREEDOM.

I stand in it for myself today and I stand in it for you. The Buddhist psychologist Tara Brach, whose podcasts I delight in almost every night before I go to bed these days, says humans tend to be like teflon for JOY and velcro for pain. That it takes intention, mindfulness and a practice to change that up a bit. We are working with limbic systems and survival brains that tell us to be afraid, aspects of our DNA that are anxious to protect us -- it used to serve a purpose but outlasted its usefulness. The evolution is towards wholeness and happiness, but it isn't going to happen unless we come together and choose to practice.

I hope this feels like good news. It does to me! It's deeply affecting, actually. For a long time I thought I was having a big identity crisis and would forever behave like a college student switching majors 10x, not knowing what to do with herself, feeling insecure and tired. I was just waiting to be rescued and follow other people from the disturbing Land of Confusion to the promise land of solutions. Waiting to be SEEN. Needing to be HEARD. Begging to be VALIDATED. Fighting to be FIXED.

How increeeeeedibly exhaaaaaauuuuusting........

I love me some simplicity.

Bye bye Cookie Monster Thinking!!

Hello, Essence.

With love,
Lindsay

ps. OK, I just want to say that I was scouring the web for a Cookie Monster link and found this post from the HuPo on 4/21. Apparently, I just tapped into the cultural zeitgeist and Cookie Monster is becoming a columnist! Love it.

Acceptance 101 and the Gift of Renewal

2011-04-24T07:50:00.018-04:00

Good morning!

I woke up happy. I actually went to sleep happy after a fun night seeing my friend/fellow intenSati instructor, Darbi Worley, perform at the People's Improv Theatre. Bravo!! There were about 6 or 7 intenSati peeps there and it is always just so much fun to gather outside the gym. It really made me smile!

What else is making me smile? Spring has arrived. I think. I'm about to go to Central Park after this post to find out but from the feel of the breeze through my window and the sound of children's voices from downstairs, I'd say things are looking good.

Since I tend to use this particular blog as a place to share about my physical fitness, health and wellness goals (btw, big THANKS to everybody who commented on my post the other day. I'll have you know I've added 30 push-ups and 100 crunches to my daily routine), I will share a little more.

Since my ankle surgery last July to repair torn ligaments, I've been doing 2 sessions of physical therapy a week. I started almost as soon as I got off crutches in October. That's 7 months of physical therapy. I am on my 4th expert. There was the first guy that felt good but not stellar, the second guy who was great at first but then I didn't like his personality or the intensity with which he pressed into my trigger points at 6:30am in the morning, the third guy who I loved but didn't take my insurance and now the 4th, Derek, who is excellent, takes my insurance, has a nice personality and feels like he has the best traits of 1-3 without any drawbacks.

Derek is a very soft spoken, kind, Polish physical therapist with a lot degrees and a hands on approach that sometimes feels like he literally is underneath the skin of my leg and ankle with soft gloves. This may sound gross but to this girl who used to watch knee repair and open heart surgeries on TV for fun in high school, it's kind of cool. Derek is the best thing that's ever happened to my ligaments, tendons and muscles. He does manual manipulation and massage with the gentleness of a fine artist delicately dabbing his brush into a palette of paint and onto a page.

That said, he is not the bearer of the kind of news I've wanted, which is full 100% recovery with me back in soccer, dance and high heeled action by summer. On the contrary, he very gently points out that my ankle is not healed to perfection, there is still some minor ligament damage that wasn't corrected (the ones with the two tears were fixed, yes, but there was add'l damage) and since this was my third surgery, there is scar tissue and who knows what else that is creating some mobility and stability problems, still. Each week he asks me what activities I am doing and slightly winces when I describe the intense aerobics classes. He smiles when I say words like "yoga", "pilates" or "I took a few days off."

Sooooo, the dancing, jumping, lateral movements, zig zag cuts, even jogging any distance above a mile -- all not great for my ankle right now and risky. There is a decent chance I won't ever play soccer again. Same goes for heels beyond a slight little Aerosole or Easy Spirit lift (note to the design teams at Aerosole and Easy Spirit: I value your effort at making a comfortable, durable shoe for women who need them but can you PLEASE up your style quotient a bit? Comfort and cool are not mutually exclusive!).

I've been talking about MOTs lately. A Moment of Truth is when you just get hit square between the eyes and the knowledge flows into your gut. It's the Knowing. Yesterday, my MOT came when I realized I had to stop doing the movements that are outside what I am allowed and able to do now. I have to err on the even more conservative side. I have to let go of doing more than my body can comfortably and safely do until, well, possibly forever but for now I'll just say for one day at a time.

Hopes dashed much? Sort of. But something about a MOT is often you knew it all along. At least from a soccer standpoint, a part of me just knew I wasn't going to get back to business, if only because I don't even go through this rehab process again! :0 So, I'd rather just err on the side of caution. I know athletes who stay competitive well into their adult years and the result isn't pretty. I say bring on the pretty, aka, me in one piece and out of the surgical ward.

THEN, part two of my MOT happened when I realized how much JOY and GRATITUDE I can still feel despite this grief inducing realization, despite daily pain and aches in my foot, despite the cravings and DESIRE I feel to do more than I can handle right now. Once my tears were done flowing, I felt so grateful I can do what I CAN do -- yoga, intenSati without jumping, cycling (spin class is OK but I need the right shoes or else it's too much pressure on my toes), walking, who knew there was such joy in walking, dancing freestyle, and, my new favorite, being a little sedentary every once in a while.

I thought about having a summer ahead of me where I won't be on crutches like last year and I felt so happy. When I was in the Strand book browsing (and buying, of course), I found a book that just jumped into my arms. It's called "How Soccer Explains The World: An Unlikely Theory of Globalization" by Franklin Foer. Apparently, according to the Chicago Tribune, someone has "brought back a kaleidoscope view of a vibrant game and the people who believe in it." I guess there are other ways to appreciate soccer!

So, I share this today to help myself deal and live in the adage "acceptance is the answer to all our problems" for starters but also with the hope that it inspires YOU to look at where you need to find a little more peace and acceptance with what is. Tara Brach, the Buddhist psychologist, has this great talk where she says that no dream of your future is better than the present moment you have right now. She says studies show that happier people are not the dreamers who are constantly living in their head about that better day -- the promise of the time when the relationship is finally here, the career is soaring, the bank account over floweth, your body is in perfect health, etc etc etc. Rather, an opening to your essence, your source, your buddha nature, whatever you call it, IS where your most abundant feeling of happiness can be found.

Now.

How often we wrap ourselves in a blanket of identity or identification and even as Life is happening exactly to help us evolve, we cling to that blanket like Linus. Don't be a Linus. Life says let go. It says let go every single day. Cells restore themselves, skin regenerates, Spring returns, and all that change you were resisting is meant to be embraced. Renewal is an inevitable and important part of our life cycle. So, apropos to the Easter holiday, I say YES to renewal (but no to bonnets, they never worked for me) and I honor the perfection of the imperfect journey.

My soul longs for loving, happy and passionate living. My heart wants to embrace my life today. Does yours?

Best,
Lindsay

Don't Praise Me Because I'm Bountiful

2011-04-22T06:50:00.021-04:00

Good morning!

I was tested last night.

I went to Equinox to try an inspiring new fitness class called Torch. Torch was developed by a group called Bartendaz in Harlem playgrounds and public schools as a way to help kids get in shape through fun but challenging conditioning sequences. Now it's being taught at Equinox! I was drawn to it because there is also a mindfulness component that encourages self empowerment and leadership, plus, one of the teachers is my good friend and fellow intenSati istructor, Dyan Tsiumis. Want to know more? Check out D and Bartendaz looking and doing SO GOOD in this clip on Channel 7 ABC news!

Well, despite being at a pretty good level of fitness myself, after about 5 minutes of class I wanted to call Houston. I had more than just a problem. I had about 10. There were my legs, which felt like they had lead shooting through my veins keeping me from lifting my feet off the ground. There was my wardrobe malfunction that was not exactly the Janet moment I've always dreamed of attaining. There was my awkward, uncontrollable giggle fit that escaped my lips in between movements, particularly the one that closely resembled the running man (FUN!). Then, there was a large, intrusive (aren't they always) Moment of Truth that happened after I hit the ground to perform a sequence of push ups over 30 seconds:

1, Yes. 2, Yes. 3, Yes. 4, Yes. 5, Yes. 6, Ehhhh. 7, Shiiit. 8, Omg. 9, I caaaan't. 10, My arms are going to fall off. 11, I suck!!!!

I'm not even going to tell you what happened when we went into the core conditioning sequence. I would like to buy a consonant:

W!

and two more consonants:

T! F!!!

(For more on WTF and how how to turn it into something what works for you, check out this incredible intenSati Workout/ Workshop with Natalia Petrzela and self-help author Dr. Christine Whelan coming up in May!)

Now, back to my core.

Certain exercises are not currently in my skill set. Last night, I saw clearly how much more I want to accomplish. I've talked about total body conditioning before but I just let it fall off my priority list and then I get pissed. But there is nobody to get pissed at but myself.

That's when another MOT comes. You ask yourself if you're ready to take on the challenge of setting NEW goals, accomplishing a HIGHER LEVEL or if you want to walk away. No harm no foul either way. Actually, there is foul. It's a choice to make whether you want to settle or excel.

Here is what I know. This may sound so basic but, well, as one of my best friend's fictitious character that is part of her 1-woman show likes to say, "It's all about the basics, Carolann." Yes. The basics. The basics of accomplishing a goal go like this --

1. Practice makes progress.

2. To gain strength, you must use muscles you want to build. Target them with specificity and they will grow.

3. Start small and increase gradually over time. Start with 1 pushup a day. Progress to 5. Then 10.

4. If you want to improve, be prepared to get out of your comfort zone and into your challenge zone.

5. Give yourself props. Your own self encouragement will keep your head in the game.

That final point about self encouragement is a big one for me now. I've certainly had my share of external motivation -- both motivation and incentives. I've been so fortunate to have a LOT of very positive coaches and mentors in my life. I look at what I've accomplished and know that I am where I am, in part, because of all the positive praise I've received throughout my life. I am grateful.

That said, I also can't say enough how much I don't want to hear it anymore. At all. I have my own inner voice that still is twisted up in some negativity and self sabotage and my intuition is telling me the breakthrough I SEEK, the one I am truly aiming for, is going to be the direct result of one thing and one thing only: ME.

I need to quiet down, hear myself think, focus and make the necessary corrections.

I am still happy to praise you if you need and want it!! Yes, yes, yes. Whatever it is you want to get done, YOU CAN DO IT. Just please don't praise me in return. I am bountiful!! So are you. I won't praise you if you don't want it. We always have it all within ourselves and just need to unearth the goods. :) With love.

LBD